Is it wrong to pursue other girls while being in an LDR relationship?

So my girlfriend and I have been dating for just under a month. However it's an LDR.
I don't know if it will work out or not. I want it to, but i can never tell. I can't go see her right now because I don't have money and the time. I want to though.
However, I still notice other women that I'm attracted to. I think "well, what if I were just ask them for a help, or a drink."

I don't know if I'm in an exclusive relationship or not. I can't tell. IT"S SO HARD! I feel like i'm passing up opportunites i may not have later on if I stay in an LDR, but I'm just not good enough with girls to be in a close relationship. If I give up my LDR then I probably won't be with anyone and I will regret losing the most perfect girl. But I don't know if that's how she feels about me and if that's what she wants.

My ex was an LDR too. She told me she loved me all the time, then one day she broke up with me because of the distance. I'm affraid the same thing will happen with my current girlfriend, so I don't want to place all my eggs in once basket...

Is that wrong? I DON"T KNOW ANYMORE.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • LDR's can work. They will be hard at times and you will feel like its not working out but you need to express those feeling with one another and get through it/be strong together. You need to talk with this girl and figure out what stage in the relationship you are in. Your ex broke up with you, that is in the past now. Frankly you need to let go of these worries because they are holding you back. A "perfect girl" shouldn't and won't give up on you because of distance. You've only been with her for one month and are still in the honeymoon phase. Give it time and if she is really so perfect then you won't try to get other girls. Conversations and talking things out will keep the relationship strong.

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    • You're only 13? What the heck...
      I guess you're right. It's hard for me because I don't want to put my eggs all in once basket. And i want to know if that's wrong to do. To have other options.

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    • *nods* I think you will be fine. If you care about her don't flirt/pursue other girls. That can hurt the girl you are pursuing and your girlfriend. Think about others feelings.

    • That's true. I'm just in a state in life where I'm in a place where I can easily meet girls - college. Once I graduate everything will become even harder. So if this doesn't work out, then my life just got a whole lot more complicated if it lasts past graduation. Fortunately, that's not for a while.

What Girls Said 11

  • LDR's can work. However if the distance bothers you, then maybe you should reconsider?

    I don't think it's right to date other people if you are in a LDR, unless it's been agreed that you both can do that.

    When you guys started dating or even before, did you guys talk about whether there would be a point in time when one of you two would move closer? Or how often you two would see each other? LDR's are possible but they are also a lot of work and they require patience, trust and money to see each other.

    Is it possible for her to come visit you sometimes too?

    TBH pursuing other girls, even if it's just a harmless coffee date, can lead to more and make your situation even more complicated than it already is. What happens if you fall for one of the girls you live close too, but still love your gf?

    It could definitely lead to cheating or other things which could some how get back to your girlfriend. If she doesn't find out, you will be left feeling guilty.

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  • If you want it to work, YOU MAKE IT WORK. Seeing other girls is cheating, whether LD or not.

    Tell her you wan't to break up and see people closer. OR continue with the LDR and focus on her, not other women.

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  • LDRs work. But not when you're off cavorting around with other women.

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  • Talk to her

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  • Um. Figure out whether you're exclusive or not in your LDR because otherwise, that's cheating.

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  • I would say your obviously not in a relationship you, yourself wants to be in if you're feeling like your missing out on opportunities! Good luck gal (;

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  • just ask her! dont go for other girls if you dont know the situation

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    • how should I ask her? should I just say, "Hey honey, we're in an exclusive relationship right?"
      I feel like that is passive aggressive. Or just... being a pussy. Is there some sort of "general knowledge" that i'm missing?

    • yeah! just keep it casual. it's a talk you need to have so you both are on the same page.

  • YES IT IS.

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  • I think you should probably break up. I`m in a LDR too and its working fine for me. From the moment you have these kind of thoughts I dont think its going to work out plus you have been together for only a month you are already in a LDR. If you were together for like a year and then get in LDR with her I think you could work it out because you would have got attached to each other and you would have real feeling for each other.

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  • You are insecure and afraid to be alone. For some reason you can't be single and have to have a relationship to validate your self worth. Just remember what goes around comes around, and even if you don't believe in karma, talking to a girl you like could backfire because she may have a boyfriend too

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  • If she's your girlfriend, yeah it's wrong.

    I think you need to think carefully about if you really want to be in an LDR though. I've never been a fan of those. It's one thing if you've already built a strong relationship and one of you has to leave for work or school, then there's better chance of making it work. A month old relationship though? I can't say it's worth it.

    Because you're right, you are going to be missing out on opportunities with a girl who may live near you, who you can actually go out with, spend in person time with, and communicate with without a phone or screen between the two of you. It's a much different, and in my experience much richer and fulfilling, dating experience.

    So choice is yours, but personally I'd avoid starting long distance relationships. If it has to become one due to circumstances once you're already a solid couple, that's a different story, but starting from that point I don't think is a good idea.

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What Guys Said 9

  • 1. There are certain risks that inhere in LDRs. If you don't want to assume those risks, don't undertake an LDR.

    2. You need to have a discussion with your possible partner to define the relationship that you have and its boundaries. She may welcome that discussion.

    3. As a general rule, anything that you think you need to hide from a partner is wrong.

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  • Bro, hear me out will ya. There is a saying that goes. "If there's a will, there's a way." Sure you might have problems regarding finace to meet her. But with patience and determination and time. You'll meet her sooner or later.
    Regarding the morality behind seeing other girls beside her as of the moment. I just want you to step back and think like "how do I feel if she's doing stuff like this." Do you see it as cheating? Do you feel betrayeld by that action? It's a question for you to think on.
    I've been in an LDR for the past 2 years. (Yes, I am 17.) What matters most in a relationship is trust and in constant contact (pls don't overdo it. Every one have their own limits you know.)
    If you have the necessity to post this, surely you have the necessity to contact her. Take it slow or you can just cut the chase and ask her of the state you guys are in as of the moment. (Completely of your own choosing.)
    Once that's done, you can set milestones on both of you guys to work on together. This is where things start to get interesting. Set plans on when are you going to meet her and vice versa. Trust me if the relationship is a good one, it would happen for better or for worse. (We would meet about twice a year and spend about two weeks together in each meeting.) The process is painful at first but trust me it would work and it will be worth it. As for me, I'm planning on popping the question by the end of my studies. It's still far away, her parents didn't seem to have a problem so here goes!
    Best of luck to you and dear god I hope it helps. Cheers!

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  • The relationship's commitment isn't nullified because it is long distance.

    It's better to break up before you start pursuing, so you aren't a cheater.

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  • It's like dating your hand to be honest but that's just my opinion others would say don't do it but come on do you really believe this could work out eventhough some say it does but that's just some cases there's millions *I think we've already hit billions* of people and only few cases this type of relationship works out but at the end of the day it's your choice

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  • Um... yeah. It doesn't matter if it's a LDR. If you are in a relationship, you shouldn't be dating other girls or pursuing them. Simple as that. You feel like you're "passing up opportunities"? Wow! If your girlfriend knew what you just typed, she wouldn't be too happy with you. Unless she consents to an open LDR, it's not a good idea.

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  • Of course it's wrong.

    I don't see how anyone could interpret it differently.

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  • If you feel that way about other women then you probably shouldn't be in that relationship.

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  • I've been in a long-distance relationship for nearly a year. It works, if and only if both people are willing to put in the effort. I don't think it could work if either of us were seeing other people.

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