How do I find guys who are masculine, mature, and relationship-minded, but also around my age?

Out of curiosity, any of you fit that description? I'm 21, and I'm trying to date guys my own age because we just tend to have more in common, and are at similar stages in life, but I keep running into guys in their late 20's and early 30's instead. Or they're running into me, lol. Either way, I like how they're often masculine, mature, over just hooking up and all that, tend to have a decent understanding of women and how to treat one, etc. but I wish I could find those qualities in a younger guy.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • There aren't any... or at least, there are very, very few of them, and those few will tend to be busy, HIGHLY-sought after, or already taken. You'll be competing with every girl your age for the highly-sought-after, very rare single ones.

    Nearly all people do what they feel gives them the most value at the time. As a 21 year old woman, you value relationships (and there is a strong biological basis for that - your body is at peak baby-making age). But 21-year-old men are in the prime of their sexual peak years, and men are driven to value freedom and to desire variation. Plus, this age puts many guys in college, away from their parents' eyes and reach (often for the first time), and from a societal point of view, there's little benefit in him committing to one girl at that age. So, he's rather party, bang as many girls as he can, and have fun without the work, hassles, and expectations of a commitment.

    I know you're frustrated that guys don't understand your desire for a relationship (really, I do), but girls don't understand that, while guys find many parts of a relationship to be great, there are lots of parts of a relationship that are a pain in the ass. Women crave time and attention - far more than most guys would choose to give on their own - plus guys are obligated to be breadwinners (it's still a very strong social expectation) when they're in a relationship. And his sexual peak years only come once, and if he misses his chance to freely bang girls during that time (especially if he's in college, surrounded by thousands of single, age-appropriate women), he'll probably regret it forever.

    Bottom line is: men and women your age want VERY different things, and our biologies reinforce those differences, and due to changes in society over the last 50 years, our interests have only diverged.

    So, your choices are:

    - date older men who are past that age, and ready to "settle down"
    - date the shy, immature, less-confident, less attractive guys who would appreciate a relationship (and who have few options other than remaining single and lonely)
    - compete for the rare young guy who is what all girls your age want (you'd better be a 10, or close to it, in his eyes, because he has thousands to choose from)
    - remain single and/or celibate

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    • Depressing news, but thanks very much for the detailed answer.

Most Helpful Girl

  • Sadly, there are not many who are interested in such things. Most guys of your (our) age are typically interested in having fun and participating in various immature activities. It's kind of difficult to find someone serious, mature and masculine.
    Maybe you should try dating older guys?

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What Guys Said 8

  • I'm right here! haha but really, i want to find girls such as yourself in my area as well, i too have no idea where to meet such people.

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    • Yeah, it's just surrounded by this hook-up culture is the worst lol. Good luck to you :)

  • I'm feminine, immature and slutty. I don't know. I kid! But guys in their late 20s early 30s are just as bad as younger guys they just hid it better.

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    • Sorry, I didn't really mean to imply younger guys are all feminine, immature, and slutty lol, I was just trying to find the right way to express the difference I tend to see between those groups.

    • No they are, I was just being silly. I think you need to find a person younger or older who fits your brief and observe them for a long time to make sure they are consistent with their behavior.

    • Good advice, thanks.

  • Masculine guys are The gym! Mature you just have to determine as you meet them individually

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    • That is true. I just never really socialize at the gym, I get in and get out, but I'll try.

    • Ya, it really is a big way to meet great people. By being really friendly and introducing yourself, some of my best friends right now I met at the gym.

    • That's awesome. Well, can't hurt to give it a shot.

  • Get a relationship seeker device, type in the details, scan every guy you see in the streets.

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  • Define: "masculine"

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    • Confident, leads, not overly emotional, strong, sexually dominant/aggressive, protective. Not that he's not also caring, thoughtful, and those other more gentle qualities, but masculinity is a significant part of his personality.

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    • Well as i don't know you i can't speak for your emotions :p

    • True, and I can't speak for yours I suppose lol. But in any case, thanks for your answer.

  • Sorry, I'm taken. 😃

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  • im 25 i don't trust people in general women and men are all whores to me and I can prove it, the human race hasn't changed, and I've come too accept it, so what you're looking for doesn't exist, plus you don't know what you really want

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    • The only way to know what you want is to consider it, pursue it, live it, and see what happens. From experience I already know I don't want the opposite of what I described, nor the extreme, so from there I need to determine the best spot for me within that range.

    • im telling you right now what you want will change within time all you're thinking about right now is too be taken care of

  • 21 is too young to be settling, in my opinion

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