Are men only chivalrous to women they like? Guys?

Like, today myself and this guy (we're both school teachers) took our classes on a field trip.

It came to lunch time and we ended up having to sit on some gravel that was he covered in small stones to eat because nowhere else was free.

Anyway, I sat down and he took off his hoody and offered it to me to sit on. He folded it up and handed it to me then jokingly said 'don't be getting it dirty miss reilly!'

I just thought this was so kind of him, since I could easily have taken my own jumper off and sat on it.

What at do you think?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Most likely.

    The only point of doing anything is to get a return. The return, for him, could have simply been stroking his own ego, "I am a kind person, so I do kind things." Or, it could have been a prevention of negative perception of himself, "If I don't give her my jacket, then am I a bad person? What would I be if I didn't be chivalrous to a lady?"

    The statement was, "I will sacrifice for you. I will put your comfort before my own. So that eventually, maybe you'll fuck me."

    End note: chivalry means you are weak and need to be protected and cared for. Like a dog. Personally, as a man, I don't treat women like they're weak and need to be protected and coddled. I don't presume superiority over them. Which is exactly what women fought for. So, I don't treat any women chivalrously. I treat people respectfully. And that means keeping my own damn jacket, because who gives a fuck about gravel? Just me, of course. And that is why I'm never getting laid again.

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    • Pfft! Bull SHIT pal. The guy is ENGAGED already. Chivalry does not mean you perceive a woman as weak, it means you were raised properly and know how to treat women with respect WITHOUT assuming superiority. And yeah, you're right, you probably won't get laid again because newsflash... women want to be treated with respect. Thanks, and goodbye.

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    • Huh? Well, that's unorthodox.

    • Yeah, only slightly. But there you go anyway... :)

Most Helpful Girl

  • No. The women who are important get special treatment that no one else does, but everyone else gets the basics. My boyfriend holds doors for everyone male or female and he offers a helping hand. If someone drops something he'd pick it up or if they look like they're struggling he'll offer to assist. He's just a nice person and feels like it's the right thing to do, but if he does those things for me I know it's for an entirely different reason than anyone else.

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    • Well, what about in my particular situation?

    • Well if this seems like it's out of the norm for him as far as his niceness goes, if it's a little bit extra then there's a possibility he could be interested in you. From my experience most men have a desire to take care of women, and it probably wouldn't have sat right with him leaving you to get your own things dirty when he could've offered his own. He's either really nice if this is what he usually does, if not then he might like you. He sounds pretty sweet so if you're interested in him it couldn't hurt to get to know him a little better an pursue. He probably thinks you're a beautiful lady anyway.

What Guys Said 25

  • That was nice of him and i would of done the same thing, he places females first which it should be at least on my part... Me and this girl was just friends we walked down to the store well coming home she was real cold so i put my arm around her and kept her warm to we got home but we didn't have far to walk but if she wanted to use my jacket sure i would of took it off and let her borrow it to keep warm If i saw you on the street and you was cold i would offer my jacket to you too , yes some of us do it when we like a girl but not necessary in all cases , I like acts of kindness i don't want the girl think I'm coming on to her and scaring her away cause i like to say i got some morals.

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  • I believe in courtesy rather than chivalry. Also, I dislike misused pronouns.

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    • Same here, glad someone agrees. Chivalry is sexist, courtesy is the way to go.

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    • You're not a feminist, you're actually into that thing called equal rights. Educate yourself, check out your history because you don't know what you're talking about :).

      Ego stroked? Pal, sit down! I am by no means an egotistical person and I really could not give a shit either way :) but I do give a crap about people being uneducated and trying to present an argument against me. It's laughable! Thanks, I'll continue to have lots of fun with the friends who I've now had for almost fifteen years, thank you for that kind concern about me and my friends :)

    • That's what true feminism is about: equality. The fact that you think feminism is sexist just shows that it is you who needs to educate yourself. You obviously care or you wouldn't have responded to me, so don't think using emotion to defeat logic is ever going to work. Then again, you've already shown me that there's no point in continuing to talk to you since you LIE about not being egotistical.

  • My friends and i gave up our seats on the bus for a group of girls who were avg the other day, just because lol

    we are gentlemen, and they had shopping, we didn't care that we would probably never see them again in our lives :)

    sounds like a great guy date him

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  • Not all guys would do this even for a girl they like. It does seem to be a fading trait that most of the younger generation see as being weak. I was born in a generation where it flourished, so it's in my DNA

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  • Mostly to women we like. Though, we tend to be around women we like skmply because it's better than be around women we hate. Don't read too much jnto this though. He was just being kind to you. He does appreciate you, but that doesn't mean he's overly into you. He would probably be open to it if you were to pursue him. He does show empathy towards you.

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  • I am aware of this, and those that are, are doing it just because they think it will get them brownie points.
    I practice chivalry with all women, not just those I find attractive.

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  • Those are the hypocrite nice guys tryin' to get laid tonight 😘

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    • Absolutely not...

    • In ur case, i dont think hea one of those pretending to be a 'nice guys' but in aum cases, there are 👌🏼

  • Well, the behaviour and that line he said make me think he likes you. Chivalrous men will usually let any woman in the bus before they get in, or will hold a door open for a woman, even if they don't like her; that case you mention is very particular, though, and he obviously did that for you, specifically.

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  • I can only speak for myself. I try to be chivalrous to all women. Even the ones I don't even know.
    However when she at me with the wrong attitude (bitchy or spoilt for example) that chivalry is over.

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  • nah I'm polite to all my lady friends and thats exactly why I'm single lol

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  • pff that is totally dead now in this day and age

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    • Well, it clearly isn't... given by what I JUST type above. Numb skulls.

  • People do it for all sorts of reasons (manners, professional demeanor, score brownie points with your boss) but it is statistically proven that people will make more of an effort if there is an attraction.

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  • If they're only chivalrous to women they like, then they're not chivalrous. Kind of the definition.

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  • Can't speak for all men but in my case, yes. I don't expect to get anything out of it but it's just something I do automatically.

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  • ill be nice as long as they treat me good if not there on my bitch list and there getting coal for Christmas

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  • Personally no, i was raised to treat everyone with respect, and i would hold a door etc, for a woman whether she was 18,25,75 years old.

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  • He seems like a guy you should be interested in, I guess the men you should be into are chivalrous anyway

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  • Sounds a lot better than most man

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  • He clearly wants your skin cells and sweat to rub onto his hoody.

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  • Yes they are :)

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  • No, in fact I'm more reluctant to hold a door or give my seat to an attractive woman my age, they might get the wrong idea. Much more likely to do it for an elderly woman.

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    • Oh dear, what a disaster if a woman your age gets the wrong idea (!) ohhhh no, what a tragedy!!!

    • When I'm in a relationship (and there have been very few short gaps since I was 18) I don't flirt or do anything which might be construed as encouragement to the opposite sex.

  • Nope. I grew up in Alabama and although a lot of crap down here is backwards and dumb it's pretty common to still see chivalry. I open doors for everyone. I'll give my umbrella to almost anyone that seems like they need it. I've let people use my jackets for stuff and ran through rain to bring people's car around. To me it's nothing special it's just something that's easy and free to do that makes people's day better and it makes me feel good. I wouldn't read to far into it. But don't discount it either. Not many people are that nice and there's definetly no harm in trying to date this guy if you like him. You can never really know until you try

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  • I'm not chivalrous to anyone for any reason. ALWAYS ends up negative if I do.

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  • I try to be as nice to women as I possibly can, whether I LIKE them or not. It's only civil

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  • They are "extra" chivalrous to a person they like, and there are guys who are kind to anyone.

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What Girls Said 6

  • It'll differ from guy to guy. I'm sure some of them only do it for women they're interest in, some to all women. I disagree with both cases.
    Why can't everyone just be 'chivalrous' to each other? A guy to any woman, to another guy, and women to anyone as well?

    I always hold the door open for anyone. If I'm out with my boyfriend and he's a bit under-dressed when it gets chilly, I'll ask him if he wants my jacket. It's just a matter of courtesy and concern for other's well being, regardless of gender or whether they're disabled, elderly, or fully able. I really don't understand the flawed logic of 'women first', and to hell with the men. Respect and good treatment should go both ways..
    feministmenagerie.files.wordpress.com/.../7pc8yui.jpg

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  • I'm chivalrous to everyone. I think that's true for people who bother. Doing good for others makes them feel honorable.. I I wouldn't use it as a radar for romantic interest.

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  • only a few are. but they can't maintain the act for very long.

    most men who are chivalrous were bred that way.

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  • Yes lmao some guy that liked me made me a fan because I said i was feeling hot

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  • Yes men only do stuff for that for women they like only or who they are trying to have sex with

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  • Mostly yes. In this situation, especially yes. But some guys are just genuinely helpful. But this is above and beyond what the majority of people would do out of courtesy.

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