Why dont men want relationships in their 20s?

im so sick of meeting men and then finding out they dont want anything.


0|0
8|40

Most Helpful Guy

  • Because the world has changed in huge ways post-WWII, and these changes, which include:

    - a much greater need for education (far more people completing high school and also going to college - pre-WWII an 8th Grade education was the standard)
    - modern medicine, including birth control, and improved lifespans.
    - feminism and the devaluation of the traditional male leadership role

    As always, you have to start with biology and reproductive strategies, as these underlie most of our instincts. Men's sexual peak years are roughly 16-25, and men are designed to desire variation. For most of recorded history, a man's name, titles (something we don't even understand anymore, but used to be of huge importance), land, and possessions could only be passed down to legitimate children (sons, for the most part), and sex before marriage was strongly condemned by both society and the church (which had a far bigger influence on society than it does today). Thus, the norm was for men to be marred by 17 or 18 - in recognition that he wasn't likely to remain celibate much longer than that (women were married at an average age of 15, and rarely attended high school). Obviously, sex routinely lead to pregnancies with no birth control available, so having sex with random people for fun was mostly unavailable except for prostitutes, which were very common but rarely discussed.

    Today, we have birth control, so sex is possible without much danger of pregnancy. We've legally abolished the concept of bastardy, and have eliminated titles in the US. And Feminism told society that men were unneeded, and that women shouldn't rely on men to take care of them (and devalued the hard work of the men who did so). We also made divorce MUCH easier to get, which contributed to a significant decline in the nuclear family.

    All of these things have taken away the benefits and motivations for men to marry, or even to have serious, committed relationships. Men can now get sex without them, and why put up with all the hassle and responsibilities of a relationship when you can get the benefits that are most important (to men) without them? It's really that simple.

    Men never "needed" or valued relationships the way women did, and once society tore down the remaining motivations, men started to realize that relationships were often a bad deal for men - especially for young men in their 20s.

    2|4
    0|0

Most Helpful Girl

  • Cause they're young, wild and free hahaha... I think most of them live by the mentality that they should have fun while they still can, since they'll have their whole life to be in a committed relationship. Majority of them do start wanting to have something serious eventually.

    But actually I believe there are quite a few guys on their 20s who want a relationship, otherwise there would be no couples in their 20s. You just have to know where to find them. Don't know why you've had such bad luck. If it's really that hard to find such guys for you, maybe you should look for guys in their 30s, by that time they usually are ready to settle down.

    0|0
    1|0
    • im only 23 lol. i dont want to date a 30 year old lol.

    • Show All
    • Why not, Asker? 30 is not too too significantly older. Besides, I thought women would like to be with older men because they'll be more experienced, established, financially stable, and better in bed...

    • actually they tend to not want anything serious the older they get. its opposite for women.

What Guys Said 39

  • That's not true, there is plenty of men who would love to be in a relationship and actually are happy.

    The location where you meet them plays a factor as well as luck. So no clubs and bars, more caf├ęs, public events and other social gatherings is the ideal locations.

    Just smile and be yourself =]

    2|4
    0|0
    • i just keep meeting great men but they never want relationships. i meet htem at school

    • Show All
    • Although there are probably guys at universities that would be interested in long term relationships, people (of both sexes) are interested in making the most of their hard earned tuition costs. So they are not likely to want to be in a relationship that would take away from there studies. Individual dates and parties when one has free time is more acceptable to them. So @Kingfrosty is probably pretty correct.

    • @Kingfrosty I know plenty of couples who are in a relationship at a university

  • That's like saying women don't want sex. It's not true. Women do want sex, and men do want relationships, with a few exceptions of course. But, women are less desperate for sex than men are, and men are less desperate for relationships than women are.

    3|2
    0|0
  • I went through two years of college, two years of military, and various jobs before deciding to go back into the Navy as a career. I did not have a financial basis for committing, and had not found anyone that I wanted to settle down with.

    At age 27, I was back in the Navy and had a steady income and benefits that would carry to a spouse if I married. That is when I met the woman who became my wife. We knew within two days of meeting that we were going to get married.

    It happens when it comes together and you find the right person.

    0|0
    0|0
    • You still have to make the effort

    • @plaisirdamour - Make what effort? We met by chance, neither of us looking for a relationship at that time. Once we met, we knew we were "made for each other" and the decision to marry was easy. There was not effort to find that relationship at all.

      Of course, having a good marriage and staying happy takes effort, but that is not what we were talking about. We were talking about wanting and getting a relationship.

  • I'm 23 and I have had 4 relationships... one was for three years and lived together for a year. I also don't hook up unless we are dating. I kow plenty of guys like myself too. so the question is, where are you meeting your guys? and what do they look like?

    1|0
    0|0
  • Not all guys obviously, i've wanted a relationship from since I can remember... but yeah a lot I guess figure that they have plenty of time to 'have fun' before settling down.

    0|0
    0|0
  • well I know many people don't want anything serious, and if they don't want a relationship than they don't want one. These men may be just like that, they have been burned by a woman or by women they really loved, or they were the guy that always got rejected but turned himself around or became attractive and is now a casanova but he may still have bitter feelings about the way women rejected him and now is taking it out on women by hitting and quitting it. All these reasons are reasonable and you just need to respect that

    0|0
    0|0
  • I think they do. I find women didn't want relationships in their 20s. women seem to want a relationship in their late 20s and thirties when men are over the whole thing.

    0|1
    0|0
  • Actually it seems like men are the ones who want relationships now and women are the ones pumping and dumping or FWB'ing from what I hear.

    1|1
    2|0
  • I do, I make it a big goal to be married in my 20's even, but I do have high standards however, If im spending my life with a girl she needs to attract me physically as well as mentally, only problem a lot girls overlook me too as I have a type of alopecia, so I can't have anything but a shaved head... ain't a popular look to say the least... but as long as nothing is wrong with you physically and you keep in shape etc you hould be able to find a guy who wants something real like me,

    0|0
    0|0
  • They do but the ones that do are either in a relationship so not available or they get overlooked in favor of douchebags.

    0|1
    3|0
  • Well, girls can tend to be more mature and ready to settle down where guys in their 20's still haven't reached their maturity level.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Because our thoughts are either so diversified or too focused on certain things during the 20s. We probably just finished college or are still in college at that age, then everyone's getting jobs and we're soo focused on everything that's happening that its hard being focused on relationships.

    0|0
    0|0
  • My vote is that I do want a relationship.

    As far as other guys, the reasons run the gambit.

    They may only want sex, or maybe they just enjoy the hunt then get bored when they have captured the girl, maybe they have issues with getting close to a girl.

    You'd have to ask the guys involved why they do what they do.

    0|0
    0|0
  • You meeting the wrong men
    I'm the same, but in your shoes, I can't find the right one myself for now ^^

    0|0
    0|0
  • I wanted a relationship since my 20s and I m still single as I am about to turn 46 in less than 24 hours

    0|0
    0|0
  • Some men just want to enjoy the single life, especially in their 20's. Though some certainly want a relationship, I'm one of those men. I'm really sick of being single.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Perhaps I'm off base here but i have a question. Where are you finding these men? Sometimes a proper change of venue gets you a better class of people?

    0|0
    0|0
  • Because you're not talking to the right men.

    I've been single and looking for something real through most of my 20s

    0|0
    0|0
  • Because there are lots of women willing to give it up. If they had less options, they would act differently.

    0|0
    0|0
  • because they're in their sexual peak.

    1|1
    0|0
  • that's what happens when you females, play stupid in your late teens early 20's.

    you drive us away, be what we are today. "Players"

    0|0
    1|0
  • Thanks but I've wanted a relationship for the past year, im now 28

    0|0
    0|0
  • I would love to be in a relationship :'(

    0|0
    0|0
  • Maybe try a guy a little older, like his 30s.

    0|0
    1|0
  • I wouldn't mind a relationship with a nice girl but I keep meeting bitches so yeah same boat as you

    0|0
    0|0
  • Dont they?

    I was married at 19

    0|0
    1|0
  • Because they are boys at that age and not men.
    And anyways real relationships happen after 26.. everything before is just sex and fun.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Well we do exist.

    0|0
    0|0
  • I am 21 and want a relationship. I guess I am different

    0|0
    0|0
  • cause we need our space

    0|0
    0|0
  • More from Guys
    9

What Girls Said 7

  • I am 19 now and I am not a man but i think i can relate as i honestly do not want a relationship anytime soon either. i just feel (and i think guys could possible also think the same way as me) that I am still very young and there is absolutely no need to find someone right now. I feel that I should be going out getting a whole bunch of new people and just having fun. i shouldn't be worrying about someone else but myself at this age. i just think relationships need a lot of work and commitment and i do not think i am ready for that at this age. i do not know if that helped at all but thats just why i don't get into relationships at my age and why i actually don't want to get into relationships before i am at least 25/26.

    0|1
    0|0
    • Im just trying to have fun. Its better for people our age to just go out and have funand thenlater on like 28 start looking for a potential long term stuff.

    • @Stephjp Bingo!

  • Because men at this age are usually very emotionally immature. They also have a tendency to not be emotionally available during this evolving period of their lives.

    They could be getting out of a different relationship, transitioning to a new job, moving to a new city or a number of other things that may be distracting them.

    All of these stressors can interfere with them feeling emotionally ready for a girlfriend. They also don’t know what they want long-term or for what they are looking in a long-term girlfriend.

    By being single and dating around even if they are doing it without conscious awareness they are working toward figuring it out.

    Good luck.

    0|0
    0|0
  • the "I'm gonna bang multiple chicks in my 20s, then settle down with one in my 30s" mentality

    ... and then they realize that nobody wants to sleep with them LOL jk

    3|0
    0|0
  • are you sure you were looking in the right places a lot of men want relationships especially in the 20's i think the men you were trying to hook up with were not interested in you or were just getting over a relationship or might of been in a relationship

    0|0
    2|0
  • their brain is n't fully developed yet or there is brain damage due to drugs or genetic inheritance.

    0|0
    0|0
  • They just want sex

    2|0
    0|0
  • Most do, they're just to lazy to put in any effort, because they fear heartbreak. A lot of them live in their head & internalize their emotions. Sadly, most doom a relationship without ever getting to know the girl, they just assume everything as if they're psychics lol!

    This has become the generation of slackers, why get into a relationship when there are plenty of girls agreeing to FriendsWithBenefits/FuckBuddies/CasualSex/OpenRelationships/etc?

    0|0
    1|0
Loading...