He says we are dating, but says he is not in a position in his life to get into a serious relationship- Whats the deal?

I've known this guy for about 5 years, we recently got together again at a party in May and hooked up that night (thank you tequila). The next day we decided we would get together again soon.. honestly I didn't think I would see him for another couple years. BUT, he called that day, we hungout and had a great time, we continued hanging out and have been doing so- we hangout every day if not 6 times a week. He kisses me in public, holds my hand, takes me out on dates, buy me gifts, calls me cute names, calls and texts to check in-everything a boyfriend would do. he really is an amazing person and we get along really well, we share our life goals and aspirations, I've met his entire family and friend group (his friends and i get along so well, sometimes we all hangout when he isn't even there). Except when I finally gained the nerve to ask what exactly we were doing and what he expected to get out of this, he said we were "dating", said that he is not hooking up with anyone else, is not going out and flirting with other people, is not talking to other people and that he would be pretty bummed if I was hooking up with anyone else or dating other people. But he never introduces me as his girlfriend and honestly as sweet as he is and as amazing as he treats me-i knew I wasn't his girlfriend. well 5 months later and we recently revisted the topic--he said he just isn't in a place in his life to get into anything serious.. he has aspirations and goals and if he gets an opportunity he is going to take it no matter where it is. I understood and supported it 100%... and then he said he doesn't want anything to change between us because he really cares about me and wants me in his life, loves spending time with me... etc. Do I stop hanging out with him just because he doesn't want to commit? Is it that serious that he doesn't want to?

  • Do I continue hanging out with him and having a good time while it lasts?
    20% (1)67% (2)38% (3)Vote
  • Do I drop him since he won't commit and go back to being just friends?
    40% (2)33% (1)38% (3)Vote
  • Do I stop talking to him all together?
    40% (2)0% (0)24% (2)Vote
And you are? I'm a GirlI'm a Guy
ALSO, I've had guys ask me out on dates-even had a guy friend kiss me on stage at an event- and he was super upset and when we talked about it he said he really just wanted him to be the only guy kissing me.


Most Helpful Girl

  • This is all about what he wants. What do YOU want? If you want to stick by him and enjoy the good times, do it but it will eventually lead to sadness. I think he does have generally good intentions but if you're already acting like a couple and doing everything a couple would do, what would really change? Nothing, he just doesn't want that label and commitment. He's getting all the perks without any of the tie downs.

    If I were in your position I would strip it all back to the friendship zone, not for his sake but your own. If he's just leading you to a place that you cannot go on from then I don't see the point in it progressing any further when you could be out there finding someone who would commit. At the end of the day it is your choice, stop thinking about what he wants and focus on what you want. If you feel that you deserve more and want more than just a casual and ongoing date then do something about it, tell him that you're not gonna stick around because it's going nowhere. If you can't go back to just being friends, I'd suggest ditching him entirely, as harsh as it is but it will only get worse the longer this goes on and there is no happy ending in sight. Don't just suffer and be doubtful in sadness, the only person who is going to make a difference to this situation is you. Have some confidence and be big enough to walk away even though it will hurt, it will hurt less now than in another few months when he ditches you for someone else because there is no loyalty involved. Wishing you all the best, not an easy situation at all.


What Guys Said 0

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What Girls Said 1

  • It means you are casually dating. Follow those rules and you won't be disappointed.

    • & if you were casually dating someone- would it be okay if they kissed another person?

    • Show All
    • exactly- we aren't dating other people and he has made it very clear he does not want to date other people and does not want me to either… because he is "being faithful to me"-his words.. not mine hah

    • He wants to hook up with you exclusively.. Good for him and bad for you. Set your own rules. He doesn't get to decide how this goes. YOU DO!