I dated a guy for a while and while I wouldn't say I'm overly attractive I get a fair bit of attention from the opposite sex. I have a unique look (natural black hair and blue eyes) and he just hated it whenever I got "checked out" or made an effort with my appearance. He'd always comment how he wanted me Not to wear make up and how I don't have to dress up for him. I wear make up and dress nicely for ME. It makes me feel Good and I enjoy it. on a few occasions if I looked good and even if a female friend complimented me he would make me go home and get changed or just go home and have a night in together. I dress pretty conservatively. Never have my boobs out or wear revealing tight clothing.
At the time I blamed myself thinking maybe I looked ugly or slutty but I'm starting to think it was him feeling insecure about himself. He used to put me down a lot too mainly about my physical appearance but also about my academic accomplishments and solid career.
So has anyone else ever dealt with a guy like this?
All his ex gfs and current girlfriend are very plain looking, don't drive and don't have careers. Is this again a choice out of insecurity as he doesn't believe he deserved a more attractive/ independent girl? As such girl will have more options and possibly leave him? I'm not being judgmental I hope it doesn't come across that way I'm just speculating about why these type of guys are more comfortable dating "plain" women and tend to treat more attractive/successful women badly.
Most Helpful Guy
It's definitely possible as some people actually sabotage relationships subconsciously so avoiding women that are "out of his league" would seem like something some guys would do.
Wrt the guy you described, he definitely sound insecure and slightly controlling. Telling a girl she doesn't have to dress up is fine and probably good. Telling her to go home and dress differently is neither. Belittling her accomplishments is being a prat and a rubbish boyfriend.
Fwiw, I have fairly low self esteem so I'd avoid particularly attractive girls or really successful ones to avoid the (imo) inevitable breakup.1
What Experts Said
Simply put he was insecure about himself and didn't want to lose you. You bettering yourself in any was was a threat, a threat that you may leave at anytime. Hopefully if you see these signs in a man again, You RUN!1