Is he ghosting me or is he just taking space I said I would give?

[Anonymous]

I dated this guy for a couple of months and we hit a bit of turbulence. We started seeing each other too much, he thought I wanted a serious relationship so tried to give me the im not ready for something serious talk. I got upset bc i wasn't there yet either and felt like him having that convo made it hard for me to be comfy in our relationship.

The last text I sent him last Thursday was:

"I really love spending time with you.. Hanging out.. Joking around and feeling close. Getting to know you over the past couple months has been awesome and I've enjoyed your sweet, genuine, positive, fun energy. Im kind of a sucker for closeness and really like being able to interact without fear on either side. For me, i definitely get easily scared when things are slightly off and feel unsafe so sorry if I've been off lately. I'm just really sensitive to feelings and if there is a sense of closed-offness I just get really uncomfortable and nervous even though I know you'd never intentionally hurt/disappoint me. Anyways, I can sense things are off between us so I'll leave you alone for the time being. Hope you know I'm here if you need to talk about anything."

I meant what I said. I wanted him to not feel pressured by me and our communication had been off.

But he never replied.. Its been a week now.

Is he gone or just thinking?

His complaints were 1) he didn't want to spend so much on dates 2) i just got out of a 5 yr relationship so he didn't want to jump into anything 3) he wasn't looking for something serious

[sjoes006]

I mean at this point what is he supposed to do? He wants something you aren't able or ready to give him and it doesn't sound like you will be anytime soon. I wouldn't call that ghosting. You know how he feels and he knows where you are at. He is looking for more but you aren't even in a real relationship yet and freaked when he tried to take things to the next level.

If you truly think you made a mistake then it probably isn't too late but it doesn't sound like you did. Just bad timing is all. best

[Asker]

i mustve made it unclear. he does not want to be serious.. and i dont either.. but i would hope eventually it would get serious.

[sjoes006]

Oh sorry I skimmed over that part. Eh forget him he sounds like high maintenance to be honest. High maintenance in the way he doesn't sound very clear on what he wants. He doesn't want anything serious or the time a relationship takes but want to have the perks of feeling like it is a relationship without all the baggage that comes with it. Anytime he senses moodiness from you, real or imagined, he's going to start pulling this shit. He wants to see you but only when he wants to see you and under his terms. Guys like this aren't even good for something casual.

I'm serious it is one of the most common things ever in our age group. Men like this are good for a max of two months and then they will start freaking out on you like 'You're not my girlfriend' they don't say it but it is the message they want to convey but while doing boyfriend girlfriend outings when they feel like having your company.

[Asker]

ugh. i really liked him. so shitty.

[sjoes006]

Yeah sorry. He probably sensed that. Also since you are coming out of a relationship you probably do things when with him that are couple things without realizing it or have sex in a more intimate way that he isn't used to as someone who avoids relationships. Just be glad you know now and not later. If you already really like him it was just going to get worse for you. Just go on dates for a while and get used to meeting different men. Go with no expectations so you won't be disappointed but I think you'll find there are lots of really great guys out there. Even ones that really do want a relationship[ and have the emotional tools to handle one once you are ready. Mr 2-3 month guy is good for sex and maybe a fun night out but no more. He can't help it and maybe when he meets the right person that will change.

[Asker]

yeah i definitely started wanting him to do coupley things with me..

but i wasn't ready to make him my boyfriend.

:(

Seems so shitty that he can just cut me off like this.

[That-Guy]

"But he never replied.. Its been a week now."

What else do you need to know?

[Asker]

well its really a terrible feeling to spend all summer close with a guy to have him exit my life in this way if that is what he's really doing. :(

I thought i would call him Monday and see if he wants to get drinks.

[That-Guy]

I've been ghosted and yes it sucks but sometimes people do connect, they do laugh and do all the seemingly positive things that lead to a relationship but sometimes (as you've said) they may not be ready. So try not to take this as a rejection rather think of it as bad timing.

There's a story of a women who gets divorced and spends about 2 years single... she finally agrees to go on a date with a man and he's pretty much everything she wanted.. she knew the two of them are very compatible.. but.. she also learned that she's just not ready for another committed relationship while the gentlemen she went out with.. was.

So the two of you got close.. in the end he realized you were becoming "all in" and he wasn't. So he ghosted.. it's not nice but it's part of dating.

You've reached out.. the ball is in his court. I'm sorry but it sounds like time to prepare your feelings to move on.

if i liked a girl or even a maybe.. i won't ghost her for a week. That's nail in the coffin. #:/

[Asker]

what if you were just confused?

[That-Guy]

You're going to go insane if you try to rationalize excuses for him. Do you want to be with someone whose un-sure about you?

Personally.. if a girl has doubts about being in a relationship with me? Then please.. move on.. i don't need to be anyone's "good enough" guy.

Unless you get a text "hey, my apartment got bombed by chemical bomb and i had to be in quarantine for 2 weeks..."

No dice.

[Asker]

thanks.. guess i gotta get over it. :/ my coworker love you by the way.

[That-Guy]

I got ghosted by this chick, went through all the conversations in my head trying to figure "how did i misread this? Everything seems great?" This girl even dropped so many compliments and in awe of my existence. We had sex and it was great. Then after a few text.. *poof*

After a week she contacted and said "sorry (insert some long excuse)," but since i have a penis and clouded judgement, i gave in and kept the fling going.

Eventually it ended on a frustrating note.

Lesson: If you feel you're getting ghosted.. it's for a reason.. someone into you won't let you feel that way.

[Asker]

there is no chance he took my message to mean that i was taking space right?

[That-Guy]

It's been a whole weekend man!

Think about it, if i liked a girl.. and she sent me a text that said "i hate you." I'd probably still respond.

Cut the line brah.