I nitpick and only go for guys who don't really want me. Can you offer advice?

Dating is so damn confusing. Actually, I'm impatient. I say that I want to take things slow, and I know that I should, but by date #2, I'm already chastising myself for not knowing if he's the right guy. Are you supposed to know if he is by date #2? I'm so out of the loop. I've been dating different guys, but out of a long-term relationship for FOUR years now. Does every relationship unfold the same way? I'm starting to realize my patterns and habits, and I truly need help and advice (and to be shaken a bit, perhaps) on this. Please don't judge. But I nitpick. I find flaws in everyone. And God knows I'm flawed. I'm glad I've realized this and admit this, but I'm also kind of embarrassed to admit it.

I started seeing someone and everytime I date someone new in my hometown, I get this paranoid, self-conscious feeling that I'm going to run into someone from my past (high school or one of the many friends my very popular, good-looking ex-boyfriend) and they're going to judge me. So not only am I nit-picky, but I'm self-conscious and care about what people in my hometown think. This new guy is sweet, thoughtful, and into me. I'm attracted to him, but he's a bit smaller than the guys I've dated in the past. I'm thinking back to the last 2 guys (not my ex) that I was totally enthralled with, consumed by, sexually attracted to, LOVED being seen with in public... the 2 most recent hipster douches who ended up f-ing me over, royally. They didn't like me as much as I was infatuated with them. But they made sure to let me know, in not very direct ways, after sleeping with me.

Now I'm with this sweet guy who likes me and makes it clear he wants to see me again, doesn't play guessing games (like the 2 past idiots who I was so attracted to, did), and my thought is: "Oh, he's that into me? he must be desperate. guess he hasn't had much luck with other ladies". I am attracted to him and was glad he kissed me, and want to explore more, but I just dont know when I'm overhthinking things and being too damn picky, expecting "PERFECTION"... versus "settling". Why am I only infatuated and super into the guys who don't really want me? More importantly, how do I change this?


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What Guys Said 1

  • Guys usually don't like it that slow.. you should judge.. but at the same time you need to fulfill their desires to keep their interests alive in you.. thats how it usually works girl

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    • yeah thanks but that 100% did not answer my question, which was asking for advice regarding my behaviours and patterns and pickiness/judgementalism. thanks though.

      Anyone else have input?

    • your pattern of judgentalism should be his loyality and love only

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