How to truthfully reject an "I love you"?

My boyfriend joined the Army and was sent away for training the past 3 months. We had only been dating two months before he left, and the relationship was still very new. We were able to write letters and got one 10 minute phone call a week for the past three months but that was it. Yesterday I got to see him for the first time in those three months. It was the most amazing moment ever to see him aagain. Later, he told me he loved me (first time), and was very emotional saying that my support has been the reason he has been so successful. He went on to say he wants a future with me, that I mean so much to him... However, I don't feel ready to reply "I love you too". To me, these three months have been the hardest test of my emotional life. I am not sure if I am truthfully ready to commit to someone long-term who I cannot spend much time with, I feel scared to make plans about a future with him, when I am not sure what I want to do with mine and will never be sure where his will be based. I love him in that we are very good for each other and I enjoy every minute with him... but I feel I have not spent enough time with him to feel that way. To me, I love you is something you say after many months of being with someone closely. But there is so much about my boyfriend I don't know, and have not been able to share any experiences with him over these months. I did not know what to say to him and literally did not reply to him... I just kissed him and made him forget about it. I know he wanted an answer though. Tonight he texted me, I love you. I don't know how to reply to it. Is it wrong to feel this way? How do I tell him how I feel without breaking his heart?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Having been in the military for a fair few years I can’t tell you how many military relationships I have seen fall apart because of the same things you are worried about. Chances are pretty good that while he was in basic training he needed something/someone to help him get through it all and chose you. As a result he has come to idolize you and probably thinks about you every night.

    If you do want to try and stay with him I will warn you that it will not be easy but it is doable. The most important thing is to tell him the truth. It can be as simple as “I am not quite ready to say it back.” If you decide to end it with him you will probably break his heart and he probably will be pissed at you for a while but it is better that than have it fall apart to the point that one of you starts looking for love in another place… (the reason most military relationships fail)

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    • Thanks for the insight. Right now I want to still give it a chance, but I want to slow things down a lot. Really helpful to know Im not the only one feeling like this, I don't know anyone else dating someone military or who has been in that place before.

    • I have seen military relationships fail significantly more often than I have seen them work out but they can work out. My grandfather was in the Marines and he married a “high school baby” as he initially put it. They were married for almost 60 years and had 14 children. My cousin is in the Marine Corps now and has been happily married for 4 years now. If you need any more help don’t hesitate to ask.

What Guys Said 1

  • You did an excellent and complex explanation here. Re-write it as a letter, with more detail, and send it to him. Truth is the only way to go in a relationship.

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What Girls Said 2

  • Just tell him the truth. There's no reason to lie. There's no need to soften the blow. Tell him that you're concerned about the future of the relationship because you know that you won't be able to ever spend much time together.

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  • WoWow :) :)

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