Guys and girls, how do you feel towards shyness and social awkwardness?

I'm curious to see if there is a difference of opinion related to gender.

Same scenario for guys and girls: The guy/girl is crippilingly shy and awkward. Can barely look you in the eye. You have to initiate most social interactions. Man/woman of few words. Has low self esteem. Has little to no friends. Sexually inexperienced/virgin. Can't flirt for shit. Sometimes oblivious to your flirting attempts. Sometimes avoids you because he/she is so shy. Is otherwise ideal boyfriend/girlfriend material.
Would you be turned off? Turned on? Or would you feel indifferent?

  • Turned on
    15% (18)21% (21)18% (39)Vote
  • Indifferent
    43% (51)43% (44)43% (95)Vote
  • Turned off
    28% (33)28% (29)28% (62)Vote
  • Other
    14% (17)8% (8)11% (25)Vote
And you are? I'm a GirlI'm a Guy

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Most Helpful Girl

  • i am intrigued by enigmatic people. socially awkward not so much. shy people are actually very very interesting because all shyness is is simply a wall, and if you're bothered enough finding out what it's made of you'll be surprised every time.

    like u said though, some people just dont have people skills and that's a shame. i think that comes from not wanting to interact with others.

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    • You're right sometimes it comes from not wanting to interact with others but most of the time people have mental illnesses/disorders that make interacting with others 100000x harder and they are bad at it, even if they want to do it. And not just social anxiety, depression etc but stuff like autism/asperger's and schizophrenia etc.

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    • i wouldn't know. i dont know u that well. @richardthefrog

Most Helpful Guy

  • shy is cute, socially awkward is not
    one girl i knew had no brain to mouth filter
    another loved to call and hang up
    one girl said this super weird pickup line about me being a turkey or something
    all super weird turnoffs

    other girls get all blushy or nervous, thats fine
    not to the point where you start spouting out some weird random crap but if you're just embarrassed i can be very comforting in a way no woman would ever be to a man. if they sense any amount of weakness they shine the hotlight on it and try to trip you up. there are girls out there who intentionally make things awkward for guys, or blame guys for their own deliberate social awkwardness, and i think thats stupid. i've literally said fuck you or hung up on girls who do that because if you're seriously intent on fucking with the discourse to "test" me then you don't fucking deserve to talk to me

    the male version of that:
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VKpQgEyjNdM

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What Girls Said 27

  • Sometimes shyness can be cute, but I would hope if things went further they would be able to relax a bit because a one-way street relationship where you constantly have to make the conversation etc can be tiring and would get old quite fast. However, I wouldn't see any harm in trying and seeing where things went. If I liked him I wouldn't be put off immediately because he's a bit quiet and shy.

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    • I don't mean "a bit quiet and shy" I mean very very shy. Almost like he has a fear of women.
      In the scenario I described, would you still be willing to give it a shot?

    • Yes, I think still would. Perhaps because I feel I like I could relate to how he's feeling a bit as sometimes I get quite nervous almost scared of guys my age. Especially if they're quite outgoing / forward and I don't know them very well.

  • I dont mind, is hard to have a conversation at first but they usually become more comfortable after a while and it ends up being a great conversation!
    Shyness is not a problem and I dont think is a turn off either.

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    • Aren't you that girl who stalked her boyfriend for a month because you thought he was cheating on you?

    • @Roostah I dont have a boyfriend lol

  • I think having some shyness and awkwardness can be cute and endearing (if I already think the guy is attractive), but if it's at an extreme and makes it difficult for him to form sentences and be himself, then it's off-putting.

    I really don't care if a guy is still a virgin at this point, although it does start to become strange for both genders at a certain age. I don't mind if he doesn't have a lot of friends, either.

    I don't think I'd ever end up with a guy like the one you described because I'm a bit shy myself and not an initiator. I'd probably take his quietness and lack of eye contact as disinterest.

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    • I agree with you except for the virgin part. It shouldn't be considered strange if you're a virgin at any age. Everyone views sex differently.

    • I should have wrote, "... although it does start to be seen as strange by MANY people after a certain age," because... well, it's true haha. I've already come across a lot of situations where people were surprised by my virginity at just 20. 25+ and a lot of people are probably going to wonder "why," but won't necessarily see it as a bad thing.

  • I'm already shy so I need someone more outgoing than me in a relationship. Its ok to be shy but don't let it cripple you.

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  • My boyfriend said he was all of those things when I met him. Can't get him to shut up now. He says I bring out the best in him lol

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  • I myself am a pretty shy person and everything you just said describes me decently well. It definitely depends on the person though. I'd personally need to know more about them as a person then just the way the appear to everyone.

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  • It's unfortunately one of my biggest turn offs: if he can't even look at me, I couldn't ever feel attractd to him.

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  • Basically what @Bards wrote. I'm shy (not as shy as the person described) so I need someone who is more outgoing/social then me. Based on what you described I wouldn't be able to be in a relationship with someone who is shyer then me. This seems like one person will practically have to carry the other throughout the relationship. To me it would come off like they weren't really interested but were to shy to tell me the truth. I've had cripplingly shy and socially awkward friends in the past and it never ended well.

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  • Hi, it would really put me off if someone was really shy and awkward. I would feel like I'd have to make up for them a lot and they would make me feel uncomfortable, sorry.

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  • Unlike the others, for me it's a total turn off. I can't even have a conversation with the guy or let him meet my family and friends. I don't want to constantly babysit the guy if it's about social interactions.
    A lot of people say he'll get comfortable anytime soon. The funny thing is from experience, it either takes a month or so before they can finally normal talk to you or they never get comfortable. I can't wait that long to just being able to talk to someone and ofcourse I've still got the problem with introducing to family and friends.
    The low self-esteem can get annoying as well too. Sure a little bit low self-esteem can be cute, but someone who's contantly insecure is just straight up annoying.
    So no, I wouldn't do anything with a shy/socially awkward guy since I'm a very open person and I like the guy to be open as well.

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    • Lol thank you! That's exactly my thinking like constantly reassuring them is annoying af!

  • Im shy and sometimes awkward so I would feel more comfortable around quite or shy guys. But I do find guys that are sociable with big personalities very attractive. I admire them from afar. lol

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  • Honestly, for me personally, I'm completely turned off by shyness. I'm not a shy person myself. I used to be, though, and maybe that's why I find the opposite so attractive.
    Now though, when I like a guy, I tend to go after him and make it known that I like him. I like it when a guy does that as well. There is such a thing as being overly aggressive but you gotta know where to draw the line. I can usually tell if a guy likes me... and if I can tell he's being shy, I don't try to talk to him or go out of my way to make him feel more comfortable... it just doesn't make me wanna go for him.

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  • This is allll based on what I think but Shyness and awkwardness can be such a cute quality but just in moderation. If someone seldom talk to you, but when they do talk they are pretty awkward with conversation it's a turnoff.
    Low self esteem wouldn't be a problem for me personally because I would never do anything to make anybody feel bad and as for number of friends, that doesn't really matter because I would be their friend! As for sexual inexperience, for me that doesn't matter either cause I don't want sex loooool judge me. I "can't flirt for shit" either. Avoiding me is a turnoff too.
    it's kinda half and half I'd have to know someone like this personally to decide

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  • I've never met a crippilingly shy and awkward guy before, but "ordinarily" shy and awkward. They usually do start approaching you too if you made the first move twice or so.
    I'd find it cute at first, because he is likely to blush. And I'd tease him, that's something I wouldn't do with non-shy guys. I guess if he still can't look me in the eyes after my third attempt, I'll give up.

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  • This is literally me. How happy I'd be if guys were actually attracted to girls like us!

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  • Depends. Really depends. Comes off endearing and cute with some guys, awkward and weird with others, creepy with some.. like it all depends on how you look and what kind of socially awkward behavior you have. Just don't dress like a pedophile or give off that angry defense mechanism vibe.

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  • I don't understand how that would be a turn on, I find the opposite to be a turn on to be honest (unless they're too loud all the time). I'm indifferent towards it.

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  • I think its cute when guys are to shy to talk or express their feelings

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  • The description seems to match me, lol!!

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  • Shyness = endearing
    Socially awkward = turn off

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  • Every body deserves a chance. No one knows their story. Take time to get to know them and go from there. Three months you should find something out. If they can't open up by then I say leave them alone cause obsouvesly They have issues

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  • It all depends, i am kind of like that. So, if either one of us didn't initiate something i doubt we would get anywhere xD Plus, i would probably think the guy doesn't like me and that's why he avoids me, even if he was just shy.

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  • I'm turned off because that's just like me! I want my opposite to lead me I guess break me in haha ;)

    When guys act like that I just give up because I'm tired of always saying hi first and all the mixed signals

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  • I probably shouldn't answer this question cause I'm extremely shy and socially awkward. I'm basically the person you described in your scenario. If I met a guy like that though, it would be awesome to finally know somebody who knows what it's like to be super awkward.

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  • When an unattractive guy is shy i get it and I'm turned of
    When a hot guy is shy I get confused and curious as to why they are being shy

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    • Maybe he use to be ugly and still has that mindset. Not all hotties have high self-esteem esp when they don't even consider themselves attractive which is more sad than confusing

    • @johari ok

  • I am shy and introverted, which can make me awkward at times. If I'm dating a guy and he also has this, I understand. It's not a turn off or on, so I'm indifferent about it. As long as he is polite, nice and respectful, then it's all good.

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  • Makes me wanna look after him :') . If I liked him I'd kind of see it as a challenge to get him to relax around me and be more comfortable than with other people

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What Guys Said 32

  • I don't care if she's shy, but it's a turn off if a girl is socially awkward in the sense of stuttering all the time, not being able to hold eye contact, having this weird laugh when she says something...
    I don't care if she's shy, but as long as she can still hold a conversation and look me in the eyes.

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  • I don't think it's a big deal if a lady is shy. In typical courtship, the guy is the one initiating conversation and meet-ups; so I wouldn't expect a lady to do either. The only potential problem is if she couldn't flirt: I wouldn't be able to tell if she was in to me; and if I can't tell that she's into me, then I conclude that she's not; and I move on.

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    • What if she tries to flirt but it's awkward or cheesy, how else is she suppose to show interest?

    • @johari As long as she's putting in an effort to flirt, then it's okay. It's better that a man sees you trying to flirt and failing than not trying to flirt at all.

  • It didn't matter, she used to be like this but not anymore. It wouldn't take much to make them open up to you.

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  • I admit, it is a turn off... not a deal breaker by any means, but not someone I would put a lot of effort into...

    I for sure find girls instantly more attractive when they are out going, funny and confident.

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    • Good to know it's not a deal breaker... I have noticed how guys easily give up or put me on the backburner though

    • @johari Ya, I can't say I wouldn't do the same, it is just not the type of girl I fall head over heals for, but that does not mean something won't work out between us possibly. All she/you would have to do is show you like me with some outgoing attitude a handful of times and you would for sure be on my radar.

    • i'll have to try that then because usually I drop a few hints and it just seems like mixed signals

  • I could be friends but to date I need someone I can connect with, confidence, etc.
    A person like that should go see a psychiatrist, social anxiety is a very real condition and there are some things that can mitigate the effects.

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  • Is your scenario what social awkwardness is? My definition was waay off then man. I don't know i'd think it was cute especially if I was slowly opening them up to where we can look back and I can compare who she was when we first met and started dating to where she's all comfortable and open to me.

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  • The girl I was seeing was completely different from each other. She was timid and awkward, and doutful, etc. It was different from the girls I've seen previously. But I thought It was still indifferent on how I felt about her because we would get along well, talk for hours about random things all the time, She's more of a introvert, and i'm more of a extroverted introvert. The only thing is, when I asked her to be my girlfriend, She thought she wasn't good enough or she thinks it's not best if we dated, so we both ended it with closure. So it could be also depend what type of girl she is, and her lifestyle.

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    • Awww that's sad she was so doubtful, it could have been a great relationship for all she knew.
      Dang kinda reminds me of this guy in class who, likes to get on my nerves. I finally confronted him and he said he'd like me if he got to know me but I told him he can't be too sure.
      Now he claims I should stay away from him

    • @johari I even told her to at least try because you never know how it'll go if you don't try. She was thinking about the future too much and thought it wasn't going to go great in the long run, so I tried my best, nothing else I could've done. And i'm sorry to hear that, things sure change when y'all ain't on the same page.

    • lol I talked to the guy in class... ya he just likes to annoy me for no reason. He claims i'm stuck up and needs to loosen up but he seems more like a bully.
      For a second I thought maybe he liked me

  • If I knew someone had social anxiety I wouldn't be nervous to talk because they can relate to me, I have social anxiety and the whole topic you wrote is my life story. It's frustrating and people either think I'm uncool or weird so they avoid me most of the time. I actually prefer outgoing girls (shocking right!) Normally I would never do karaoke alone but if I had a girl by my side I would do it. I'm human like everyone else I have emotions and like to have fun and talk it just takes more effort but it's not impossible to be my friend/girlfriend.

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  • Well, I've often been shy myself, so I can easily spot it in others, especially girls. I always feel bad for them, cuz I can relate and know how tough it is. I know people often perceive shyness as arrogance or snobbishness though. I've fallen victim to that. It stinks to create exactly the type of situation you're trying so hard to avoid. I feel for 'em mostly.

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  • I don't know if shyness or social awkwardness are a turn on but I guess I'd rather have a girl who's awkward and a ill quirky over shyness. I say that because with shy girls, they either are very boring and insanely hard to talk to or you can't tell if they're shy or not interested and want you to leave them alone. That's my two cents.

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  • Indifferent but I'm willing to make the effort with someone who's shy or awkward.

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  • Think I would be turned on, but I am like this myself, and have always been. so this is somebody elses job lol

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  • Turned off, I completely understand why women like confident men... but dating a socially awkward girl is like pulling teeth.

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    • Lol I heard the pulling teeth phrase before but I still don't exactly get it. I mean if you can read body language it's not that bad

  • I'm still shy, and I'm very proud of myself for having made such great leaps in my personality over the years. I can fully function now, and my shyness comes out in ways that appear normal to others (they have told me). I don't think I would interact well with a girl who has some type of social disorder though, I prefer to give them their safety and distance because I don't want to harm them in any way.

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  • i hate to say it, but i would be turn off. I am a pretty outgoing person and i can't stand people that just no follow me along and don't contribute to anything that i say.

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  • As a true alpha male I can confirm that real women do not like shy beta male pussies only real men such as myself.

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  • It doesn't bother me but I'm not into constantly chasing a woman, I appreciate when a woman is bold. So I'm not against dating a shy woman but I doubt I'd end up with one.

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  • Dude you need to step it up. These girls are being nice. In no way is that a turn on. Goodluck bro we are all going to make it.

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  • I prefer a shy cutie over a loud annoying azz mouth :I

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  • I would be interested in her, probably even more than i would be for an ordinary girl, but probably i could not initiate anything. I am a socially awkward person myself, exactly as you described.

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  • Well it is not a POSITIVE quality, so it is typically indifference or worse.

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  • I don't give a rat tooth

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  • I certainly have the issue in question...

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  • I'm socially awkward lol I do have few friends

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  • I deal with the crippiling shyness by posting on here it helps guys...

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  • It's annoying when people are socially awkward/shy.

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  • Turn on. I would try to help them and bring them out of their shell. If it didn't work and it went on for ages, it might wear thin. But at first, it'd be very sexy actually cos I'd feel needed more, like her hero!

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    • How long is too long? Months or weeks

    • @johari Well there's no time limit. As long as I saw some progress, I'd feel positive. It's just if there were no progress at all for months I'd feel like I wasn't helping and so be doubtful.

  • As stated by this guy I got into an argument with earlier, I'm Kim Jong Un. 😂😂😂

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    • Sorry wrong question hah. But yeah, I don't mind it. There's this cute shy girl in my English class who's adorable.

  • I think shyness and social awkwardness are pretty normal things honestly, so who cares?

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  • lol at the 13 girls that voted turned on. yeah right!

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