If a guy works to keep himself fit and muscular, why is it not okay for him to not want to date overweight girls?

Why is it not okay for fit guys to reject the idea of dating overweight girls? I've been set up on three blind dates by friends and relatives, and each time the girl was at least what I call "soft," meaning that she wasn't fat but wasn't in shape, either. In one case the girl was downright fat, like she was well over 200 pounds. I just wasn't into these girls, and when pressed, I told two friends why I didn't want to date their friend. They got pissed at me and have never entirely let me forget it.

As a disclaimer, I used to be 60 pounds overweight and got myself in shape through hard work. I had to completely remake my body from scratch. I was not only fat but also totally weak and out of shape. It took years of hard work for me to get into good shape with weightlifting and clean eating. I totally understand what it's like to be fat, so I don't hate fat people at all, it's just that I'm attracted to fit girls. Honestly, though, girls didn't want to date me when I was fat, so I consider it to be fair that I won't date overweight girls now.

Updates:
I do appreciate the responses, but there seems to be a vein of "give the bigger girls a chance" in many of them. What I don't get is why girls weren't willing to give me a chance when I was fat. It seems like a double standard, as if girls expect to get a chance that they wouldn't be willing to extend to a guy.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Yes, if a guy takes the required time, energy, focus, and self-discipline to remain fit and build muscle, then it is okay for him to not want to date overweight women. Physical fitness is a lifestyle. It’s a long term decision that must be carefully maintained. Dating someone who is overweight and does not make a conscious effort to take care of their body on a certain level will deter you from that goal. Say you get in a great work out where you sweat a ridiculous amount and even feel sore later on. Later that evening the overweight girl insists on meeting up and eating out. You try to suggest doing something else but she’s adamant about eating out. You give in to spend time with her and waste your workout essentially wasting all of the hard work, time, and energy you put forward earlier. Often times when you date someone seriously or get into a relationship with them, their habits naturally start impacting your lifestyle. If you’re dating someone overweight who doesn’t make physical self-care a habit then you’re more likely to find yourself being a slacker and revert back to old, negative habits.

    However, being completely dismissive of women because they don’t have a certain body type can backfire on you. Not everything that shines is gold. So while the woman with the more fit body may “glimmer and shine”, you may learn that she’s more like a tube of glitter as opposed to the girl with a different shape who’s a legitimate stack of gold.

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    • "However, being completely dismissive of women because they don’t have a certain body type can backfire on you. Not everything that shines is gold. So while the woman with the more fit body may “glimmer and shine”, you may learn that she’s more like a tube of glitter as opposed to the girl with a different shape who’s a legitimate stack of gold."

      I was fat for years, so yes, I understand that fat people are humans with much to offer. No one gave me a chance when I was fat, though, which gave me the motivation to leave that life behind.

    • Good for you man :) Never forget though. I have been surrounded by fit, in shape, attractive people my entire life as a dancer who’s played sports for years. I have been in the “hot” dating pool my whole life and I know for a fact that 75% of people rely on their physical physique instead of taking it to the next level. Many have a ton of charm and good looks which can be mesmerizing enough for you to ignore or completely fail to notice how much they’re lacking mentally and spiritually. Tread carefully. Nothing wrong with having standards but don’t set yourself up for a trap.

    • I get that, and I don't just fall for looks mindlessly. I was wowed the first time I got with a hot girl (after not having any girls), but you learn quickly that there's got to be something else there to have a real relationship.

What Girls Said 6

  • I think your friends see you as a hypocrite.
    They're thinking , how could you not like what you used to be?
    The fact of the matter is, at that moment in tune you didn't even like yourself.
    Through hard work and dedication you're finally the guy you want to be.
    If you're more attracted to fit girls... then you have every right to that preference.
    Sure , it'd be sweet if you gave everyone a chance because by doing so you have a better chance of finding someone you connect with or relate to.
    But if you can't see yourself dating someone overweight problems will arise in the relationship if you do.
    You may not want her sexually or spend a great amount of your energy trying to change her.
    You deserve someone on the same page as you in that aspect.
    It doesn't make you a bad guy.

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    • *at that moment in time

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    • Wow.. I find that hard to believe. But then again it's a known fact guys have it so much harder in dating.

    • It is true. If you look around, you'll see that a lot of overweight girls date thin guys. The girls who are really overweight usually just don't date, like they know they can't have the guy they really want so they just withdraw from dating. Fat guys and fat girls do not usually find each other and date.

  • I don't think there is anything wrong with that. If you yourself put effort into your weight of course you'll want a girl who does the same, I see no problem with this. You can't help who you don't find attractive, forcing someone on you just because the person is there friend? And being annoyed at you because you don't like them? Thats ridiculous, you have no obligation to like them just because they do.

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  • It's totally up to you who you want to date and it's no one's business. However next time don't tell someone else your reasons as others don't seem to understand. Just say "I'm just not into her.. i dunno why. not feeling it".

    I prefer to date guys who eat healthy and work out or are active in other ways. If they aren't, then they'd better start eating healthy and getting physical. My reason is that if I date a guy who doesn't take care of himself then I get sucked into that lifestyle. With my last boyfriend I gained weight and stopped working out and it made me feel like crap. it was hard for me to get back into shape and I swore to myself I'd never date a guy who isn't interested in the same lifestyle as me... which is eating healthy and working out or doing any kind of physical activities.

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    • I agree about the matching lifestyles. The last thing I want is for a girlfriend to give me a hard time about pre-cooking my meals and only eating certain foods. I told one girl that I'd rather have abs than ever eat dessert again, and she rolled her eyes. I need to be with someone who feels the same way and gets what I'm saying.

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    • Most people are just messed up these days and it sucks that a lot of girls are superficial like that.

    • I think most people are unhealthy to some degree because even good-natured people get infected with the nastiness of the world just from having to cope with it. I wished I'd had a girlfriend in high school because it's taken me a long time to get through some of my hangups with girls. It's hard to let go of that feeling of rejection even when girls are no longer automatically rejecting you.

  • It's fine. I mean, personally, i think you should date whoever you want to. Whatever makes you happy. But i do think that there is an aspect of it which does come down to society. The fact that if you take such good care of your health and fitness, then you're more likely to pick someone with the same characteristics with you. It is something that both of you share. Don't listen to what people say, just do what makes you happy! :)

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    • Thanks. What I also don't get is why people think that an unfit (or even fat) girl is a good match for a guy who hits the gym 6 days a week and carries his meals with him? No one fixes up fit hotties with fat guys, so why fix up a fat girl with a fit guy?

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    • To whom are you referring?

    • Oh don't worry i read a section of it wrong.

  • I'm overweight and I get surprised when fit guys hit on me. I just think they want sex. You should be able to date whoever you want. I think it's hypocritical for some girls to get mad if a guy likes big boobs but will refuse to date a guy who is fit when the girl is out of shape.

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    • When I was fat, girls paid zero attention to me. It was a tough lesson in reality. Now that I have some choices, I feel entitled to exercise my options, just as girls exercise theirs.

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    • I don't think I'm entitled to any one girl, I think I'm entitled to exercise my personal choice. Fit girls get picky when choosing guys, so I feel I should be able to do the same.

    • I understand

  • It's completely fine. The only people who will complain about are insecure or naive. It's totally normal and stupid for anyone to complain about

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