My girlfriend keeps mentioning her ex and I feel uneasy?

I've been seeing this girl for a couple weeks now, but when I say about going places, sometimes, she says that her ex will be there so she doesn't want to go. I said about going to a haunted house type of thing for Halloween, and she said "We are NOT going there because Andrew will be there."

Also, she keeps bringing her ex up when we do stuff together. We recently went to a store that sold football stuff, and she'd say stuff like "I was forced to like that football team because Andrew liked it and we would always go to the games.

She still keeps track of him on like Facebook and stuff and it makes me uncomforatble that she still keeps up to date with what is going on with him.

He cheated on her and broke up with her about two months before I came into the picture. I tried talking to her about it and she says that she keeps bringing him up because she was with him for so long and is scared/confused still, but that she really likes me and wants us to have a relationship. I'm just afraid that she isn't over him and that I'm just a crutch, a temporary band-aid. I really like her and I want her to see how much better off she is and have a long term relationship. How do I get her to move on and forget about him? Advice?


0|0
16|15

Most Helpful Girl

  • Hmmm. She definitely still has feelings for him. It doesn't definitely mean it's going to be a problem, I mean the best way to get over someone is to be with someone else and so you WILL be helping her through the break-up. I don't think it means the relationship can't work but sometimes the feelings they still had for the previous person can be displaced onto you.. Warning signs of this are the relationship moving too quickly and getting way too serious too fast, because then they're trying to replicate their past relationship with you.

    I would say that she's not going to move on while she keeps talking and thinking about him though! Encourage her to stop mentioning him because that means she's thinking of him, and that means it will take longer to get over it!
    You just have to decide if you're comfortable being in a relationship with a girl who DOES also have feelings for someone else... If the answer is no, move on, because you are technically helping her get over it but that may not be a bad thing, unless you really don't like that idea. While she's still hurting over her ex isn't really the healthiest time to get into a new relationship but if she's being honest about her feelings with you and does genuinely want to be with you it could be worth a shot...

    2|2
    0|0
    • "Encourage her to stop mentioning him because that means she's thinking of him, and that means it will take longer to get over it!"

      I think it's actually good for them to talk about her ex, how she feels about him and how it affects her in this new relationship. The more open dialog and conversations they have.. they better the two will understand each other. To just suppress issues don't make them go away.

      Getting cheated on really hurts and affects people's willingness to trust again in a relationship. But i do agree with "While she's still hurting over her ex isn't really the healthiest time to get into a new relationship...," If you guys can just be as open as you can because like you've said (OP), you don't just want to be a band aid / crutch.

Most Helpful Guy

  • She's not over him. When any of us is in this position, we ought not be in a relationship until we make peace with ourselves, in my opinion. if it were me, I would tell her what you said here - that you really like her but that she seems to need time to work out her past. ... and then give her space to do so. Maybe you get back together, maybe you find someone else that's great. Who can predict what life will bring? My past experiences suggests strongly that this is the right course. Younger me probably wouldn't have listened had I received this advice, but that'd have been a mistake.

    0|0
    0|0

What Girls Said 15

  • She's not over him. She might deny that but the amount of thought she is actively putting into thinking about him says otherwise. Sure, people think about their exes sometimes but they generally don't remember them every time they see or do something that could be remotely related to the ex.

    You can't make her move or be ready for another long term relationship. She needs to resolve her feelings. It sounds like he her hurt her badly and she is still reeling from it and trying to come to terms. I'm not saying it's impossible for her to move on while stil being with you but it will be difficult. I suggest taking things extremely slow. Don't talk about the future or long term things. Enjoy time together and let her slowly open up about her feelings regarding her ex.

    3|3
    0|0
    • Ok, thanks. So you think there could be hope? I don't want to waste my time if she still likes him.

    • What should I say when she says this stuff about her ex?

    • I don't think it's that she still likes him. Yes, she may still have lingering feelings but I think it's more dealing with the loss of the relationship. When I left my ex it took awhile to get over it. It wasn't that I wanted to be with him but that I was still mourning our 5 year relationship. When I met my current boyfriend I was still in the process of dealing with it, although I was much farther along than your girlfriend currently is. For me it was more about dealing with the bitterness from being with someone who I now realized was a total asshole.

  • Did you say you're actually wondering if she's not yet over him? What about these paragraphs didn't spell out that exact thing to you. The only person I'm worried about here, is you. It is extremely, and I do mean, extremely rare that someone that has been in a long time relationship, whether good or bad, with an ex, is going to just shut their eyes and get over them in 2 months. She spent a long time with him, shared tons of memories, and like anyone in what they felt was a decent relationship, they are going to need to spend some time actually mourning and getting over that relationship. You may be the perfect guy but if someone isn't ready, no about of sweetness, care, kindness, or side by side Venn diagrams between you two is going to make her get over him any faster. Your best bet may be to explain to her you REALLY like her and want to be with her, but that she definitely needs to spend some time getting over him before you can start something up. If it was meant to be, it is, if not, gotta move on to someone who is 100% invested in you which is what you deserve.

    1|0
    0|0
  • She is clearly not over him and still thinks about him... Dang.. That's one of the shiziest situations ever.. Well, tell her that you don't like her mentioning him repeatedly, that now she's dating you and that she doesn't need to always bring him up because - tell her clearly - it annoys you.
    Just be straight-forward.

    2|2
    0|1
  • She probably is not over this last guy she was with. It hurts terribly when you find out your significant other cheated on you, and if you've been together a while it takes more than a couple of months to heal and forget.

    That being said, I don't think you need to worry too much about being a rebound. I have been in a similar situation as her and ended up in a 2 year relationship with the guy. She might be using you as a crutch, but it could still develop into a long term relationship.

    You sound like a nice guy, and you obviously care for her. So be there for her, have fun, try to take her mind off her ex. And soon enough, she will be too busy enjoying her time with you to think of him. And yes she will realise how much better off she is with you.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Why is she still obsessed with Andrew? Is it because she never got closure with him, or never got to talk it out? It sounds to me like she's afraid of him, or still exceptionally angry. She probably feels horrible about it and feels ashamed when she mentions him again. That, or she isn't even aware of mentioning him so much. That makes it even harder.

    Whatever the case, it's not good for your self-esteem to keep on dating this girl if she keeps mentioning Andrew. I'd give it a few more weeks. If she keeps mentioning him when you're dating her for >1 month, you should seriously reconsider the relationship. You don't want to find yourself feeling like shit over a cheating douche bag your girlfriend can't forget. You're obviously worth more than that.

    0|0
    0|0
  • She's not over him yet and not ready to move on. The best thing u can do is remove urself from the situation...

    0|1
    0|0
  • If it is making you uncomfortable that she mentions him so often, you need to tell her that it is bothering you. At least you know that she gives her heart completely, even when he cheated, she still cared, and he's still a part of her life. So talk to her and hopefully without making your relationship with her less than it should be, she can still honor her past relationship while moving on and respecting your feelings as well.

    0|0
    0|0
  • My current boyfriend used to bring up exes in the beginning. He has since stopped as our feelings deepened for each other.

    She still has feelings, but that doesn't spell doom necessarily.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Run and keep on running. Preferably away from Andrew stalker

    0|1
    0|0
  • Obviously she is not over her ex. And it doesn't sound like a good idea to be that source for her, it doesn't feel good to think about it, and normally when someone gets into a relationship when they aren't over their ex, it doesn't do the relationship any good, and those kinds of relationships fail. You can try to encourage her to stop thinking about him and get over him, but if you're not comfortable being in that kind of situation, then leave and don't talk to her again!

    0|0
    0|0
  • I say that you should just tell her your real feelings. But say it nicely cuz girls are sensitive. Just smile and say, "i would appreciate it if you don't talk about your ex:)"

    0|0
    0|0
  • It seems as if she's constantly comparing the two of you in her head, and that is why she's always mentioning him, because it reminds her of him. Comparing isn't always a bad thing, and is normal when just getting out of a long term relationship. I would talk to her about it, because she shouldn't be confused about you. Make sure if she had her choice to be with him again she wouldn't take the opportunity, and tell her to delete him off of Facebook because it makes you feel uncomfortable. As for her mentioning him as long as she does that just ignore it. It will stop the longer you too are together.

    0|0
    0|0
  • It does sound like she's not fully over him, I would be there for her but give it time.

    0|0
    0|0
  • She's not ready to move on
    Leave her

    0|0
    0|0
  • She has definitely been hurt by him and not going to lie chances are she is at the stage where if he knocked on her door and sweet talked her she would probably take him back. If i was you I would bring it up and say you both need some space. She will either beg you or agree... it's that or feel like this for the ongoing future!

    Please remember though, first loves will always be hard to get over. Cheating will also not provide her any closure. Question is - do you want to wait for her to be over him? It could take a while!

    0|0
    0|0

What Guys Said 14

  • id break up with her of just expect this to not last long at least don't get too attached this one is going to stray.

    0|1
    0|0
  • Have you talked to her about it? Just share your feelings with her and she'll start making an effort to stop. Support her during that time.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Andrew is going to come back for more of her, and she's going to dump you like the crutch she no longer needs.

    0|0
    0|0
    • Change your username to "roadkill" now in advance of your inevitable demise, or promptly exit this relationship and let her resolve her feelings on her own, without hurting you with repeated plunging and withdrawing of the knife into your heart.

  • Wow I am in the same situation.. or I was until recently. She ended it after 3 months saying"I still think of him". Honestly now I regreat ever meeting her she only brings pain to me now..

    0|1
    0|0
  • She's not over him yet, either she will need to get over him and stop or maybe you should back off. At least do not become emotionally invested in her yet.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Tell her to get the fuck over it or you're gone. You don't have to nor should you tolerate this !

    0|0
    0|0
  • Dump that woman man that is a red light ! : O

    0|1
    0|0
  • i've been down this road before. she still has feelings for hin for sure so be very cautious. i'm not saying this is 100% true, but you might just be a rebound

    0|0
    0|0
  • She isn't over her, this should be clear as crystal!

    0|0
    0|0
  • She's definitely not over him and you shouldn't be with her if she's always thinking about another guy. Hindsight has a way of romanticizing just about everything if she continues to think about him she'll eventually start, unwillingly, creating a picture of the perfect guy and constantly compare you to the idea in her head. I say just look for someone else and if she does get over him then maybe give her another chance. And that's a big maybe

    0|0
    0|0
  • Tell her straight up that this is how you feel. Just fuckin talk to her man, why are you here.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Get the F*** outta there dude

    0|1
    0|1
  • dump her. no hoe is a good hoe

    0|0
    0|1
  • I went through this in high school, the girl eventually went back with the guy even though she constantly complained about him and talked about him all the time. Definitely a red flag.

    0|1
    0|0
Loading...