I've been seeing this girl for a couple weeks now, but when I say about going places, sometimes, she says that her ex will be there so she doesn't want to go. I said about going to a haunted house type of thing for Halloween, and she said "We are NOT going there because Andrew will be there."
Also, she keeps bringing her ex up when we do stuff together. We recently went to a store that sold football stuff, and she'd say stuff like "I was forced to like that football team because Andrew liked it and we would always go to the games.
She still keeps track of him on like Facebook and stuff and it makes me uncomforatble that she still keeps up to date with what is going on with him.
He cheated on her and broke up with her about two months before I came into the picture. I tried talking to her about it and she says that she keeps bringing him up because she was with him for so long and is scared/confused still, but that she really likes me and wants us to have a relationship. I'm just afraid that she isn't over him and that I'm just a crutch, a temporary band-aid. I really like her and I want her to see how much better off she is and have a long term relationship. How do I get her to move on and forget about him? Advice?
Most Helpful Girl
Hmmm. She definitely still has feelings for him. It doesn't definitely mean it's going to be a problem, I mean the best way to get over someone is to be with someone else and so you WILL be helping her through the break-up. I don't think it means the relationship can't work but sometimes the feelings they still had for the previous person can be displaced onto you.. Warning signs of this are the relationship moving too quickly and getting way too serious too fast, because then they're trying to replicate their past relationship with you.
I would say that she's not going to move on while she keeps talking and thinking about him though! Encourage her to stop mentioning him because that means she's thinking of him, and that means it will take longer to get over it!
You just have to decide if you're comfortable being in a relationship with a girl who DOES also have feelings for someone else... If the answer is no, move on, because you are technically helping her get over it but that may not be a bad thing, unless you really don't like that idea. While she's still hurting over her ex isn't really the healthiest time to get into a new relationship but if she's being honest about her feelings with you and does genuinely want to be with you it could be worth a shot...4
Most Helpful Guy
She's not over him. When any of us is in this position, we ought not be in a relationship until we make peace with ourselves, in my opinion. if it were me, I would tell her what you said here - that you really like her but that she seems to need time to work out her past. ... and then give her space to do so. Maybe you get back together, maybe you find someone else that's great. Who can predict what life will bring? My past experiences suggests strongly that this is the right course. Younger me probably wouldn't have listened had I received this advice, but that'd have been a mistake.0