I love my boyfriend but he can't accept some bad decisions I made before I met him and makes me feel worthless, can I get his trust?

I smoked for a brief period before I met him, I told him once we were dating and he holds it against me and continuously reminds me saying things like well thankgod you've changed I could never love that person, I don't want to leave him but I think it might be best for my confidence and self worth. Any suggestions?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • I can guarantee you he's got skeletons in his closet that would be much more embarrassing than a brief smoking habit. He either knows this and is a hypocrite, or he's immature and very lacking in the self awareness department.

    If you guys have a decent relationship you should be able to communicate with him to let him know it annoys you that he dwells on things from the past that are entirely irrelevant now, and if he struggles to grasp that concept you should probably consider it a major red flag.

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    • I have tried to tell him, he just reminds me trust needs to be earnt, even though i haven't smoked while we've been together. What's worse is he doesn't have skeletons in his closet, he was a virgin before he met me and has never tried drugs or smoking. But thankyou for taking the time to reply! Sadly I think you're right about the red flag.

    • Well you could mention that him continuing to dwell on something silly like that from the past makes it tough for you to trust that he's mature enough to accept you as you are and have a healthy relationship. But let him know that if he can grow up and stop bringing stuff like that up, he can earn back your trust over time too.

    • Thanks!!! I'll give it a go!

Most Helpful Girl

  • Yes. These are red flags to a controlling, manipulative boyfriend. You are your own person and can make your own decisions and he should respect you as a person as a WHOLE. That includes what you have done in your past and what you do now. And something as minor as smoking? Seriously? And you don't still do it and only did for a brief period, and aren't going to do it again and he's STILL giving you crap over it? Over a decision you did ages ago? He shows signs of just no forgiveness, no acceptance and just seems REALLY REALLY judgmental. If he's so judgmental about your decisions now he always will be. He sounds like bad news, if someone said that to me I'd tell them to fuck off, I did that and it was my choice and they have no impact on my decisions. They get to share the best and worst of me if they want me and constantly criticizing the "worst" of me is pointless, because nobody is perfect. Everyone has faults. Constantly criticizing for them is ridiculous and horrible.

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What Guys Said 5

  • I think it's lame that rather than congratulate you quitting the dirty habit instead he'd sort of punish you retroactively.

    I think you should 1st tell him how those comments make you feel. then if he doesn't change you may need to decide if you can be in the relationship

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  • The past is in the past, why do you let it bother you especially since youve moved on from that. If you're considering ending the relationship because of something like this, instead of telling him to just stop it, you might not be right for each other after all.

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  • Leave him. No one should make you ashamed of your past, no matter what it is. They are projecting their insecurities on you and it's not healthy in the long run

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  • The only real reason why I don't like smokers, is that it can be detrimental to a company? Did you ever see "Cheers". Rebbecca didn't put out her cigarette correctly, and wound up part of the bar. Just make sure you put them out correctly. What you do to your body is what you do but, damaging other things, is not good

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  • If he can't be with you in the present and chooses to be with you in the past, then he needs to grow up. Also, don't be with someone who drags you down. Nobody needs that in their life.

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What Girls Said 1

  • Leave him. It will hurt your heart in the short term, but in the long term, it's for the best. If he can't accept you, he doesn't deserve you.
    Love is about a mutual bond and a want to make the other happy as well as yourself. This isn't happening in your relationship.

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