I smoked for a brief period before I met him, I told him once we were dating and he holds it against me and continuously reminds me saying things like well thankgod you've changed I could never love that person, I don't want to leave him but I think it might be best for my confidence and self worth. Any suggestions?
Most Helpful Guy
I can guarantee you he's got skeletons in his closet that would be much more embarrassing than a brief smoking habit. He either knows this and is a hypocrite, or he's immature and very lacking in the self awareness department.
If you guys have a decent relationship you should be able to communicate with him to let him know it annoys you that he dwells on things from the past that are entirely irrelevant now, and if he struggles to grasp that concept you should probably consider it a major red flag.1
Most Helpful Girl
Yes. These are red flags to a controlling, manipulative boyfriend. You are your own person and can make your own decisions and he should respect you as a person as a WHOLE. That includes what you have done in your past and what you do now. And something as minor as smoking? Seriously? And you don't still do it and only did for a brief period, and aren't going to do it again and he's STILL giving you crap over it? Over a decision you did ages ago? He shows signs of just no forgiveness, no acceptance and just seems REALLY REALLY judgmental. If he's so judgmental about your decisions now he always will be. He sounds like bad news, if someone said that to me I'd tell them to fuck off, I did that and it was my choice and they have no impact on my decisions. They get to share the best and worst of me if they want me and constantly criticizing the "worst" of me is pointless, because nobody is perfect. Everyone has faults. Constantly criticizing for them is ridiculous and horrible.1