How to avoid getting used and being unappreciated?

I am coming out of my 1st relationship, I put my all in the guy and he ended up breaking my heart by taking me completely for granted. I am the loving/nurturing type and I cannot just turn that off or tone that down. When I 1st started dating my boyfriend my mom told me not to spoil him so much (I prob shouldn't have). I feel if a guy is genuine and I do spoil him he won't take me for granted, he will treasure and appreciate me. How can I spoil a guy and get the same kind of care back?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Thats a tough one! ... mind you, lets assume (GaSp) the guy isn't a douche or immature as well.
    I think the first huge thing is communication with him about the subject, sit down with him and talk with him about it, or if you find that difficult you can write him, yep! Hehe. My girlfriend (at the time) did that a few times on subjects she thought would be difficult or overly emotional and not sure if she could say clearly what she was thinking. Its a different approach but it worked for us at the time.

    She is more nurturing/caring in different ways thanI am... She buys me little gifts or gives me surprises. I get cards, she wants to take me places, etc. I, on the other hand, pay more direct attention to her... I lead with intimacy, wether its touching or cuddling, kissing or sex. She doesn't have to worry about me not paying attention to her.

    ... on the other hand Im horrible, I couldnt tell you when our first date was or what movie we went to see, I remember her birthday but I could care less about valentines day or anything like that.

    Were total opposites but somehow we work well together... She wants to go to town and do this and that, I'd rather curl up with her on the sofa and read books all day! I want to eat at home, she wants to eat out. You get the point. The thing is we understand this about each other and sort of take turns I guess.
    ... as far as spoiling him... hmm.. I guess that depends on what you mean exactly... but I would say dont be doing anything at a level today that you honestly can't say you will be doing ten years from now. ("You used to do x for me, why dont you do that anymore?") ... and tell the guy what you like/want. To me though, honestly, this kind of stuff is something you should talk about and hash out up front when you start seeing someone, something I've always done. When I met my wife, as an example, I told her that sex shouldn't be used as a tool, its not a reward or a punishment in a relationship, and if she was one of those that use it like that then we need to just move on seperately from here.
    ... well, not sure if this was useful, lol, but there it is! ;)

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    • I know communication is key, I learned that in a not so pretty way. My ex told me how important communication is, but he always rejected my side of communication when I addressed issues I was having.

What Guys Said 4

  • Relationships can be like a dance, each partner taking steps on the floor. If he doesn't appreciate back for an appreciation step you have taken, then potentially the one-way nature of the relationship is exposed and the end is not far, else you'll repeat the heartache of the past.

    In general, just stay out of one-way situations by being vocal about what you want and if it isn't given then you'll at least know upfront you are being ignored.

    Does that make sense?

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    • That makes a lot of sense, if I had done this in my previous relationship I bet I could have saved myself some heartache

    • You sound like a sweet and kind girl. I hope you find a wonderful man that deserves you.

  • Don’t date assholes… I guess that should go without saying but a lot of people have a hard time with it. I would say before you get to serious with a guy let him meet your family and friends so you can use them to help you decide if he is worth keeping around.

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  • If you find out let the rest of us know. Being in a mutually loving relationship is what we all want but it seems only a few get it

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  • Just don't be easy

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