Scared about relationships? (um pretty long has actually two questions to address thanks for the advice)?

When it comes to relationships, I would love to have one (like most normal men/women). My problem is the whole dating part, because during the whole dating phase is pretty scary for me yet I have had dates. I am very nervous about having sex. As a man this is crazy to admit, because I shouldn't be scared of sex. I was always raised up not to have sex while married and that is part of the answer and what I say to the girl. Yet to be truthful it is more than that, I am nervous because I am a 30 year old virgin (and lets just say I am well below the endowement average by a large amount, which is pathetic). It's very pathetic and yes you can just tell me the truth and not sugar coat it. So it is so far two major strikes against me and in this day and age where most girls, expect for the guy to go after sex when one guy doesn't do it, it raises certain red flags. I just fear when it comes to sex I am also very nervous and to a slightly lesser reason my religion. Also not to mention to add the fear of getting cheated on, which also stems from the main point of this essay so to speak. So I am looking for advice on how others have gotten over their fear of relationships (being cheated on, and the size issue)?

P. S. There is this one girl in my class whom I like, even though she is always telling me about the type of guys she likes and these guys that are into her. I don't fit her so called mold of what she is looking for. I still have a strong desire to go on a date or just hang out, and let her know I am interested, but still want to take things slow until I finish school and want to have my career set before having a family or a serious girlfriend, but still would like for it to be her at the end of the day. I am just scared that she is not going to stick around, because of said reasons above or she might not be patient enough to wait for me, yet we are in the same program.


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What Guys Said 1

  • First off, stop lambasting yourself because of your age, penis size, virginity, etc. This is part and parcel of psyching yourself out due to presumed (or assumed, rather) insecurity.

    You have nothing to be ashamed of, as everyone grows at different rates.

    Second, you need to work on your confidence. Fake it until you make it -- if you fake confidence for long enough and put forth the work involved, you will become confident about *being confident*.

    Third, forget about matching yourself to anyone's "type." Do your own thing and be proud of it. People come and go, but they always keep an eye out for those that enjoy themselves and doing what they're passionate about. Confidence will carry you through life, but only if you can back it up. So focus on what you *are* confident about and emphasize the aspects of yourself that *you* like about yourself. When you can, start building up the things you aren't strong about, the things that worry you for whatever reason.

    A well-rounded man with confidence and experience is a catch for any woman.

    • Thanks for the advice!

    • No problem.

      Again, you have nothing to feel ashamed about. You are a human fucking being, first and foremost, with a life *you* have control over, at the whims of no one else.

      And if someone doesn't like what you have to offer... fuck 'em. There are at least 3-4 billion women on the planet, all with different likes and tastes. More than excellent odds to work with.