I think I totally blew it with him?

So he's 21 and I'm 10 years older. We've been talking for like a week now and we actually vibe, like each other and get each other... though outsiders wouldn't understand. I drink wine a lot mostly because of my shitty break up and earlier today I snapped on him about something kinda petty. He told me " You're thin and sexy but I've realized everything that looks good might not be good for me" and then he says he's confused but asks me for kisses before he hangs up. He tries to understand me and be supportive but he dislikes that I drink. I feel awful.


Most Helpful Guy

  • Well, I'm not sure what you mean that outsiders won't understand. What's not to understand, you are attracted to a guy, you drink a little too much, you let that interfere with your relationship and now he's a bit put off by it.

    Really , drinking wine in and of itself is not a bad thing, but you seem like you are self medicating with it. Then on top of that you are letting it interfere with your life. That's starting to sound like a textbook definition of alcoholism. I don't think you are really dependent on it though. But if I were in his shoes I'd be looking and saying the drinking is not for me and I wouldn't need someone that is doing that in my life. After all at 21 he's just getting his life started. I'd be looking for you to stop completely until I know you are not dependent and then I know whether or not I can have you as part of my life.

    • Thanks for this answer which seems very real. I can kinda see how he's viewing me now. I guess because I don't have kids I still haven't grown up, like I have my shit together but I still like sexy clothes and partying. Anyway do you think I should attend to AA meetings?

    • You are talking like you are an old lady, you are only 31 and you sound very prescient. You are aware of yourself and what you are doing, that is not a sign of someone that has not done some growing up. If you really aren't dependent on alcohol then just put it down and show you are the one in control. But don't try to delude yourself you are in control and then keep on doing it. It would not hurt to contact a local aa chapter and go talk to someone That can give you a real non personal experienced perspective on whether continuing aa is the right thing. t's always good to listen to that little voice in your head and right now that voice is chirping in your ear isn't it?

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