Am I not in love with him anymore?

I met my boyfriend when I was 17. He was everything I wanted, and with that said, I fell for him quickly. Though I had just had my heart ripped out of my chest 6 months before meeting him. He wasn't charming or kind but he was spontaneous. He enjoyed the same things I did and he wasn't afraid to voice his thoughts. He isn't too overly attractive but who he is as an individual is gorgeous. Always has been. And I love him, very much. But as I get older and the years pass I start to question the depth of my love for him. We have been together for four years. We've always been inseparable. But now.. My needs, desires and what I want has changed drastically since I was 17 years old, when I fell for him. I crave intimacy, affection, understanding, and mostly.. As childish and fairy tale it may seem, I crave that never dying, head over heels, drive yourself mad kind of love. I often question whether or not I will ever have that, with him or without him. I've tried everything to make these cravings surface within him. After all, he is the man I love. But it seems like the more I try to bring these emotions out of him, the more I fail. Its not him. I know its because what I want as changed as I have gotten older. Everything we were has changed, obviously. I just want to be able to look into his eyes and feel my breath hitch. I want to laugh the way we used to. I just want to feel something aside from loving him. I am comfortable with him. I feel safe with him. But there's no edge. No excitement. No heart racing moments, even when we are intimate. I'm confused; that is truly what this boils down to. It feels like everything I thought we were and everything I thought I wanted is changing oh so quickly in such a short period of time. And I feel like the biggest scum bag because of it.


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What Guys Said 1

  • This is completely normal, I bet he is totally comfortable and feels perfectly fine with what you guys have.

    I've seen this mostly with girls, as soon as they are too comfortable they start backing away, which sucks cause most guys are OK with that. You need to understand that when you start falling for someone there's also infatuation involved. Since you are barely knowing each other and starting going sexual there are a lot of things going on...

    You are not a scumbag but you need to talk to him and tell him exactly how you feel, since he and all men are not wizards. We don't just guess these things or read minds. Communicate these thoughts you are having and maybe he'll start paying a bit more of attention. Not that he needs to though I'm sure...

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    • I don't get much attention from him, where he is a gamer. But when he is not on his Facebook games or Xbox he shows me attention.
      When we first got together we waited a year before we had sex. The wait was worth it, lol. But after that, the sex was so constant that it kind of threw me off I guess? I felt like I was being used though I am sure that is not what it was at all. However, going from no sex for a year to having sex 4+ times a day was an extreme transition that can potentionally leave anyone puzzled.
      He is such a sweet heart when he actually tries to be. When he gives me attention for more than an a half hour I feel so appreciated. Its just getting to that point.
      I have attempted to bring these things up with him without causing contention but he brushes it off like it is no big deal.

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