Long read, Calling intelligent people. Please help, I'll be looking to award best answer?

Long story short, my boyfriend and I split up in April. We had a bad misunderstanding and he got really resentful and cold towards me.

As a result, I blocked him off of Facebook so we couldn't be in touch anymore.

My ex works in my local superstore, and i tend to shop there regularly. At first when I was in, we just outright ignored each other and just walked through each other.

Very recently, I noticed him trying to make eye contact. As well as sneaking a few glances at me when he thought I wasn't looking.

On Monday, he tried to catch my eyes again. This time, he went to the exit of the shop and waited for me leave with my shopping. He said hi softly, smiled ever so slightly and waved coyly at me. He made himself seem welcoming to me, so I said hi back.

Tonight, I was back in to get a few things. This time, he happened to be standing by the self-checkouts. He passed by and said hi again with a smile, telling me the self-checkout in the middle should be free soon.

I was buying paracetamol, which requires I. D. So he started joking saying 'I'll need to see some identification please' I was like 'but you know my age!' He said 'er, no I really don't! I'm afraid I'll need to see your passport' and he just looked at me with a big grin. I was like 'I have my bank card with date of birth?' Then he smiled and approved my purchase, but told me I'd better have my identification next time.

I paid my things and turned to him as I left the store, I smiled at him and shook my head at him jokingly. He smiled back at me and kept my gaze, raising his brows slightly until I turned away.

I never thought he'd talk to me again. And now he's seeming to be quite warm towards me. I'm a bit confused to say the least. What do you think?


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  • I think that like many men, when they break up and don't get sex for a while, the ex looks good for faster sex - be careful.

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What Guys Said 5

  • It's natural for wounds to heal. Holding grudges always has an ill context to it.

    I don't think he wants to get back together. He doesn't seem to mention anything outside of work, so he's not trying to make it personal.

    But it does sound like he's trying to get over it.

    To be entirely honest, I'm not sure what kind of answer you're looking for, and I don't know what kind of answer I'm supposed to give considering I have little idea what terms you two split from, or what you expect/want out of him.

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    • Well, we had an argument... over a text. At that time, I was leaving the country for a holiday and just though 'whatever...' Then we had a massive misunderstanding while I was actually on holiday. During that time, he gave me the chance of dropping the argument and staying together or keeping the argument going and breaking up. Me being stubborn kept the argument going. And we split. Which he then tried to fix but I was a bitch about it really. Then, when I came to my senses, it was too late and he had had enough by then.

      That's why we split, but I could have saved us from it. I just didn't have a clue what I was getting myself into and that it would end as badly as it did. It's not as if we split up because we didn't love each other anymore.

      Of course, exes can be civil. But he was civil towards me when we first split (before we ended up getting really angry with each other) it's different now, there's a bit of warmth when he speaks to me now. Which wasn't there when we first

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    • There you go. If you can't guess why he's doing it, guess why you would.

    • Guess why he's doing what or why I would do what?

  • He coul be feeling the pangs of being single, but more likely I think, he is trying to make you want him so that he can make you hurt. You know, some kind of revenge for what happened between you two.

    Whatever you do, don't start seeing him again. The relationship flunked, you were wise to block him and need to continue doing so. I don't think his intentions in being nice are innocent, I think he realized the silent treatment wasn't working and moved on to this.

    If practical, shop somewhere else or at a time he doesn't work. If you still shop there, just treat him like anyone else and if he does something stupid or inappropriate, tell his boss. Part of this is bringing your id to the counter when you need it, just treating him like any other employee.

    Hope that helps you some,

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    • Aww trust me, he's already has his revenge by giving me silent treatment for months. When we split, I wanted to keep in touch and keep a relationship as friends (at least) and he knew the ONLY way he could hurt me was by giving me the silent treatment. So he did, and eventually stopped answering my messages until I got the hint.

      He did make me hurt bad, but I know that's only because he hurt and he just wanted me to feel how he was feeling. I have him a taste of his own medicine anyway by continuing to ignore him in return.

      He knows I like to talk though, so surely him talking to me again would be a way of giving me what I want? I wanted to keep in touch with him all along. So why is it now that he's wanting to talk? After insisting that we weren't to talk for so long.

      As for today, he wasn't being annoying or anything, I think he genuinely was trying to have a bit of a laugh with me.

      Perhaps I've made him out to seem horrible, but he is a nice guy that's been through a lot.

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    • Yeah, he said that when he was mad and he's realized the silent treatment hurts to give too. Good luck!

    • Yeah he did say it when he was mad. I hope that's the realisation he's come to, because it sure does hurt! And thanks a bunch :)

  • Being somebody's ex doesn't mean that you can't be civil towards each other- especially if you have to see each other on a regular basis. I wouldn't think too much of it right now, it's up to you if you're interested in pursuing something romantic again as time goes on of course.

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    • I know that, but his idea of civil involves no warmth, and we were civil when we first separated before we got angry with each other. Things are different now, he's warm with me. I'm not thinking too much of it really, but this is coming from the guy who once said he didn't want to speak to me ever again...

    • I think your best option might just be to ask him whats going on, and to confront him with your thoughts and what he's said in the past. Continuing to talk and act with each other the way you are isn't going to tell you what he's thinking or get you answers on what he wants from you. I know it seems kind of like a cop out answer, but I'm not sure how else to approach the situation. Or if you're happy with things how they are then I see no problem with continuing to act the way that you are.

    • I think you're completely right to be honest. If I do get the chance to confront him, I will be asking. Because how he's acting right now doesn't match up with what he was adamant upon months ago. That's true it won't get us answers, but it does give us each a bit of idea of whether it's safe to approach each other in future or not at least. Thank you, it's not at all a cop out answer, it may well be just what I needed to hear. For now though I think I'll just go about my business as I'm doing and time will tell whether to confront him or not.

  • Okay after the first sentence I've got some major warning bells going off.

    "We had a bad misunderstanding and he got really resentful and cold towards me." Something tells me that's not how your ex would put it.

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    • Honestly, that's pretty much how it went, and I was a huge bitch. He did get cold and resentful too, which I'm sure he'd admit to because that's how it was in the end.

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    • I don't know that men realize their power to hurt us when they go cold and shut us out. It hurts more than anything else in the world.

    • @BrunetteNYC maybe that's why they do it? To intentionally hurt us :/

  • Obviously this question cannot be answered unless you disclose the reason for him breaking up with you.

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    • Well, we had an argument... over a text. At that time, I was leaving the country for a holiday and just though 'whatever...' Then we had a massive misunderstanding while I was actually on holiday. During that time, he gave me the chance of dropping the argument and staying together or keeping the argument going and breaking up. Me being stubborn kept the argument going. And we split. Which he then tried to fix but I was a bitch about it really. Then, when I came to my senses, it was too late and he had had enough by then.

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    • Oh I know it does! Haha. But yeah he may have had a good passcode too... :P. It is too short you're right. I just would hate to have misread the signals for him just to tell me he's being 'civil' I think I'd get quite angry at that haha.

    • Shrug it off and let life go on then. Being a guy I guess its easier... since most men are rejected most of the time were kinda used to it! lol Then were pleasantly surprised when we're not though!! :)

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