Anyone else change when it comes to dating/relationships?

So I've noticed in the past year that I've made a drastic change on how I see the dating world and relationships and just wondering if anyone has gone through the same thing and if this is just a phase. Ever since I can remember all I've wanted was a relationship and that's what has always been my goal when it comes to dating, I wouldn't have cared if we dated for months until we had sex.
Now though all I want is to bang and nothing more. I do not want a relationship the slightest bit. All I'm after is sex. The more sex the better. This is a huge surprise to me because I've always been super conservative until last year. It feels like I've really come out of my sexual shell. Please save your mean comments, I'm always honest with the women I'm seeing and make sure they know that I'm not after a relationship, just dating and having as much fun as possible.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • I've changed so much throughout my relationship. I started incredibly naive, almost scared of sex. Super unsure of myself, incredibly self conscious, mistrusting... all those good things.

    Now I'm much more confident. Still a streak of unsureness but I'm working on it. Sex is obviously a pretty big part of my life now. But I still see how I care about him, emotionally, how a night spent cuddling can be just as fun, if not more than a night of sex. There have been times when sex was all I wanted from him, more or less. He accused me of using him as a dildo, for sex, (jokingly... we're weird like that). Which is quite contradictory to when I first got with him and warned that he better not make it all about sex! :P

    So overall, I guess my views on dating have changed more like matured. As a person, I feel like I've become much more patient for sure. Tolerant of other people's differences, when I had to deal with his and realize I either deal with it, or lose him?

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Most Helpful Guy

  • I feel ya bro iv been trough several heartbreaks and i dont know how am i supposed to let anyone in... And yeah sexual desire is what drives us iv been trough everything cheated on and lied a lot... Iv been acused of cheating and got cheated in return even been acused of rapeist how psichic can girls get theese days? Anyway we all change but its cool how u are straight forward with your parners maybe u will eventually fall in again but uxpect that maybe she won't see you the same anymore and loose her

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What Girls Said 17

  • It's okay, that's completely normal. Human beings are dynamic with desires... life changes us. I have changed as well. I was more conservative in the past like you, and though I still carry those roots, I am significantly more liberal than before. I also have become more forgiving about flaws in men, but on the flip side, have worked significantly harder on my own appearance. It's a strange combination, but look within yourself for what you truly want and go for it. You will find women to match you.

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  • I have had the opposite. As a teenager all I wanted was sex and meeting new people. Now I just really want a friend first, someone to count on an support me more than anything. I still really enjoy sex but it isn't the first thing on my mind. I don't want to strong arm anyone into a relationship, I don't even need the other person to be my S/O officially. I just want a partner in crime I guess, a friend first, a lover second. I'm not having casual sex anymore and if you'd said that to me at 18 I wouldn't believe you.

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  • So what happened last year? Something dramatic must have happened for you to change your core values so much. Do you know what it was?

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  • Maybe maybe not

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  • usually that happens the other way around. I doubt I will ever be single again though so I haven't changed the way I see the dating world or even thought about it for a while because I haven't been in it lol

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  • I've never been into a relationship but I would never change for someone lol

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  • I'm not surprised. Heart break has corrupted you.

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  • Nobody expected you to get the point of emancipation so no worries lol

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  • What made you change your mind? A causal encounter?

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    • Honestly, it started with breaking up with the 3rd girl I was in love with. I'm just so tired of putting my heart and soul into relationships. I started sleeping around and realized it satisfied everything I was looking for and I don't have to stress when I have friends with benefits relations since we're both on the same page.

    • Casual sex is better than relationship sex? How so? Don't you worry that you're not the only sexual partner she has?

  • I think everyone changes when they are in a relationship even if they don't want to

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  • I think there is nothing wrong with you. But make it clear to thme girl and dont bang a girl that catched feelings cause that normally only ends in drama. Look for girls that think the same way.

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  • i would never date you if you told me that you wanted only sex, most women won't... and then you'll turn into a player to trick women into bed and you will be the most hated man in your town... i dont know what you went through but you need go out and meet the right women and learn what love is all about

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    • It's funny how you don't even know me yet assume I'm this terrible person. I've probably put my heart and soul in serious relationships than most people. I've been crazy in love with 3 girls in my life (like I thought they were the "one") and devoted years to each of them. Sadly none of them worked out due to logistical problems. It's emotionally drained me and I just don't feel the need to put any more effort to find love, I'm emotionally numb to love at this point. Some of the women are great and fantastic but I just don't feel that spark anymore and don't see it happening any time soon. I also never trick any of the women I sleep with to sleep with me. The women want it just as bad as me and we're on the same page about what we're looking for and all of them know I'm always hunting for more women to be with and they have no problems with it because they do the same. I also have no problem with a girl such as yourself not being interested in me because we're both looking for

    • different things at this point in life so neither one of us would be happy. I also live in a big city so it's not like there will ever be a shortage of women if/when I decide I'm emotionally ready for sla serious relationship. I'm a great guy, if I wasn't no women will ever want to be with me. I treat all of them with the utmost respect that they deserve.

    • well i live in new york too and I've been dating this one guy who i want emotional committment from but instead all he talks about is sex and it pains me and hurts me that at 27 years old i can't seem to find one man that will love me for me and care about my family and career and how my day went instead all he cares about is fucking sex and it hurts so bad. im gonna dump him tomorrow. and im gonna wait for a guy thats going to give me a meaningful relationship.

  • My views also changed on relationships, now when a guy shows interest in me I panic and tend to push him away, even if I like him, For some reason I always think he only wants to use me, this all happened because how i was treated in my last relationship, so now it takes me a long time to fully trust a guy, Something must of happened that made you just say f*ck it I don't want the bother of a relationship anymore, maybe you've been hurt a lot?

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  • People tend to change their views on life based on their experiences and as they get older. I use to be desperate for a relationship but now I am not. I am focused on myself and I am not looking for sex, I still want a relationship but not as bad as I use to. I really care about my happiness first but people will always have something to say about choices we make

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  • I like that you are being honest with those girls, I hate guys who play around but tell the girls that they are serious, that's so selfish, and totally offtopic but anyways, a lot of guys and girls are like that, people are all different, but I think you get what you give, if funs all what you want, you will get it, but if you want something serious, I dont think banging around is the way to do it, may sound really old fashioned but I think if you save yourself for the right person, even its from now on, you will be much more happy because its with someone you like, I think you will be more satisfied than to just bang around multiple people with no strings attached, sure its fun, but there is nothing much more to it, just my personal thought, if you have a different opinion, that's totally fine too.

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  • Life is always in fluctuation, yes.

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  • Dating is basically getting to know a person.
    Not having sex or a relationship.
    From going out and know a the person so well, then you can have a nice relationship because it takes months or time.
    Next, if you have a stable relationship between the person you like, you can have sex.
    Going around and having that life you want, women will not respond to you.

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    • Yea but that's your view on dating there's plenty of people who have different views. I used to have the same views as you, but now I've changed, hence this question. Also, I get much more responses from women now than I did before since I'm way more forward and upfront.

    • Then, it good. But it's your choice.

What Guys Said 5

  • People change. Something usually happens that makes them change their views on certain things. For me, my views changed but not like yours.

    As a teen, all I wanted to do was have short relationships or just flings. I never really got into that but that's what I wanted. In my early 20's, I said screw relationships and marriage. I want to be single and eventually be a single father. Then just last year, I met a girl and fell in love with her and became this guy who loved love (a hopeless romantic), wanting to get married, have that picket-fence house, kids, etc. Even though things didn't work out with her, I still want that.

    But something could happen again where I decide that I just want casual hook-ups or nothing to do with women. But since I'm older and realize I don't want to end up being lonely and enjoy the feeling of being in love, I doubt I'd change.

    Don't feel bad about what you want. We're human. Just be you but don't hurt yourself or others in the process.

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  • Well that's normal. In my situation all I want is to flirt and to have that "I've finally got the girl" feeling. After that is about having a good time and mad sex on the kitchen sink.

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  • After successfully dating a girl, I guess the change that has been brought in me is my confidence. Although things could not work out with that girl, I came to a realisation that inspite of my bad looks some girls are open to me. So I'm not so shy anymore when it comes to trying to talk with people in general.

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  • Same thing happened to me. Sick of dumb gender based rules and being disappointed all the time.

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  • Similar, but a few years back. I realized that most women are NOT relationship material (men for that matter, too).

    So I upped my standards considerably and I don't put up with shit from women, period. I am very quick to dump a woman. She has a very considerable hill to climb.

    My attitude toward sex changed much like yours too. Except I'd still like a relationship... but I don't pursue the idea unless the woman I'm already fucking seems like a keeper.

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    • Yea exactly! I think we're on the same page. If I find a girl that I do feel that spark with, I'd drop everything for her. Until then, I'm just going to play the field and take it casually.

    • I had this as a while after a while after having my heart broken. I'm still being cold and trying not to give my heart to anyone, but am getting tired of contantly restraining feelings from blossomming. On the other hand, it's not that I rationally believe in love anymore. I do dream about it though.

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