I've watched many of my friends tie the knot over the past 10 years but none have affected me as much as my cousin's wedding to my ex-bestfriend this past weekend.
The reason why it affected me so much was because I was bestfriends with this girl, and she was dating my cousin. I was stuck in between two people yanking me from each side complaining to me all the time about how awful the other is. The first year that they were sleeping together consisted of my ex-bestfriend stalking my cousin and him calling me going crazy. She would show up at his place unannounced and would refuse to leave and behave very crazy. She would also constantly complain about him to me and everyone who would listen. He treated her so badly and talked so much crap about her.. she had no idea.
After a year of her stalking him they became an "official" couple (WTF? exactly what I thought!). The next 4 years consisted of him cheating on her with other girls and telling me about it. Eventually I had to distance myself from the both of them because they were so crazy in their dysfunctional relationship I had to get away.. so I kind of cut them both off and no longer speak to either of them.
This past weekened we celebrated their wedding and what a god damned FARCE! They started talking about how they met (some weird made up story) and who said I love you first (again, another made up story)... where were the stories about her stalking him for a year? Or him cheating on her over and over again? Or the story about when she said I love you and he said "I don't"? Just so many lies... LOL.. and I have other friends in dysfunctional relationships too, and this.. and omg.. I don't know if I EVER want to date thanks to these people.
It just makes me wonder, how much would you really put up with just to be in a relationship? Would you turn a blind eye to your partner cheating? Would you stay with someone who continues to disrespect you or talk shit about you to everyone? Would you settle for a girl who constantly stalks you and makes it impossible to leave her? What drives people to stay in situations like these?
I hear you. Unfortunately, society makes people feel like if they aren't married by the time they're 35, they're doomed and will end up alone. Now I don't know everything about how your cousin and ex best friend are aside from what you posed, but it seems that they are settling and probably are getting married because although they don't love each other, they are too prideful to see the other with someone else. One of my bf's friends is going through the same thing. They were together all through college, shit talked each other to their friends, cheated on each other constantly, but are engaged. It's sad, but I think that people are too afraid to let go. They will realize it eventually years down the road.. you know after they buy the house (because they should) and have kids (because it's what you're supposed to do). In my opinion, society gives everyone the wrong image. People get scared and end up settling and believe they are happy. It's better to be with someone and not happy that alone, right? It's sad. Then you hear that something must be wrong with you if you're not married or have kids by a certain age. I'm 25 and get asked "when are you having kids?" "you don't have kids yet?" "I guess you don't want children". The truth is, no, I'd much rather be in a healthy and happy relationship instead of faking it to look good for others. Sadly a lot of people see it differently
I have some self respect at leas tso I wouldn't put up with crap like that or be remotely interested in a relationship like that. I seen many familiar ones also, but just seem like a form of self punishment. But the bad and crazy can just have each other, its their own choice and problem, even if they want everyone else to help them with everything. Regardless im glad you cut off both, wise decision.
In my mind, I know what a relationship should be. But when I see the majority of people acting in a manner that is counter productive to having a good, trusting relationship, It gives me a better look at the landscape. If I were on the singles scene again, I would surely have my doubts as I have these old school beliefs on what a relationship would be, Yet I see most others marching to a different drum, and I would find today's dating scene very unappealing.
TBH I would put up with a lot to be in a relationship. I know people aren't perfect and I have a pretty realistic idea of the world. I don't think that people come without faults. I have a hard time leaving people mainly because I'm just too understanding. I always try to make things work and I am fiercely loyal. I don't know if those are good qualities or bad in this day in age.
I don't worry so much if other people are in what I think is a 'bad' relationship. Because really they want to be together on some level or else they wouldn't have gotten married.
I can certainly see why you cut them out of your life. I would probably do the same. It's hard watching people who are so wrong for one another and complain about each other stay together. But we all have problems.
I've stayed in relationships that weren't good because I was afraid or wasn't sure how to be alone or needed a place to live (I've had a lot of bad luck!). But I'm still here and breathing.
I'm also considering staying with my boyfriend who I found out just recently has an active dating profile up. Now he denies being on it, but it shows he has been. It's up for debate as to whether he was actually on it or not.
I just find it hard to leave him because I just have this feeling inside that I need to be with him. I've never had this feeling before with anyone else. It just feel like he's who I need to be with :S
But if he actually cheated and disrespected me and talked crap about me (which he hasn't done any of these things to my knowledge) then I would probably leave.
I totally get where you are coming from and I have no idea why some people stay.
I can only speak for myself in that I am way too understanding to leave a person. If things keep getting worse then I would have to figure it out.
That was morbidly entertaining fuck they have issues and you're best off away. But don't let it turn you off the idea completely there are still genuinely good couples out there going strong giving hope. They are the ones who don't sugarcoat it and make it all fuzzy they talk about the commitment and effort to keep it strong and that love changes but it doesn't weaken you it makes you stronger
I wouldn't stay in any of these kind of relationships and I don't know why people chose to stay in dysfunctional relationships. I've been trough one lately and I preferred to address the issues and got dumped because of that. And now I m thankful he dumped me. I m way better single than alone and unhappy in a wrong relationship.