What is it that makes me unapproachable, undatable?

Alright so I don't really know. I'm 18 and I've never had a man come onto me in any way. I am not offensively unattractive, and I know that just based on my face that some men are attracted to me (online dating I do pretty well with) so there has to be something about me in person persona that drives people away. I'm pretty tall (5'8") and I'm sort of chubby. I know not every guy would be into that but I know some would be. I'm very unique, and I have very few friends. I do speak up in school and I do feel that the things I say would spark interest normally, (I like to think I have unique viewpoints and can hold an intelligent conversation) but I'm sincerely not show-off-y and wouldn't bet on me coming off that way, considering I can always laugh at myself and joke around. What makes me undatable, meaning, why don't guys consider me as a date? They don't approach me at all. Ever. I am quite shy, but I don't know if it's that because I'm 90% more outgoing when I'm with my best friend and even still, I get nothing. I don't know what it is, some of my friends say it's because boys in HS are immature but I don't know, I really feel like there has to be something that turns me off to men. I don't know I just normally feel invisible. Oh.. Let me just say I do take care of myself, I do my hair and wear (a reasonable amount of) makeup. I shower frequently, wear perfume, and I like to think I dress nicely. I have a slightly rock/indie vibe to my clothes. I have blonde, wavy, shoulder length hair, blue
eyes, clear, pale skin. No piercings or anything. Many guys I've talked to online have said that guys are really missing out and that I'm pretty and unique. I don't know... Its not like I'm willing to change anything/everyhing to get a boyfriend.. That's not what this is about.. I'm just curious as to what makes me so unappealing. Also, my type is pretty weird, outcast kind of boys, but I mean it when I say that no one has ever expressed, to my knowledge, that they were interested in me in any type of romantic wayThanks!


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Most Helpful Guy

  • My sister would often ask the same, but she always gave away a vibe I would call it that says "back off". She wanted guys to be interested in her, but she no doubt was afraid of getting hurt which probably lead to her protecting herself unawarly, making herself "unappealing", but too many guys at that age are way too easily intimated too no doubt. If you are wearing black for example most seem to just stay away, which is pretty silly. But certainly seem to happen. Personally I always liked people who stand out myself or who are "unique" or different, and I felt and thought as such as long as I can remember, but sadly I seem to be rare case myself in many ways. Either way, dont feel defeated. Any decent guy wouldn't be afraid and would be able to see you for the person you are. Just naturally rule out the bad ones in a way as it is.

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What Guys Said 8

  • The main thing that is going to get in your way is the shyness. Being outgoing only when you're with your friend isn't going to help at all. Most guys will be a little intimidated approaching two gals to ask one out. Girlfriends will often cock-block any dude coming to ask out their friend. Depending on the number of gals in a group, the chances of being rejected increases, and guys will avoid that.

    A gal that is of average looks or better only has to be available to be "date-able". That's why you do well online. The aire of anonymity helps you overcome the shyness for a while. Go out and find a guy you think is cute, in line at the coffee shop, waiting for the bus, SOMETHING. Talk to him. Talk to just random people. Work on your confidence. You'll feel better about yourself and you'll be more approachable for the guys out there.

    And forget about your "type". Pick out a guy that is at least kinda physically appealing, sure. But looks change, clothing changes (hopefully), style changes. Personality doesn't.

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  • It's hard to say if we don't have a picture of you.

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  • We don't know what you look like or who you really are personality-wise so it's hard to say. You look nice by what I read…

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  • I will be honest because sugar coating things won't help you. You don't stand out to guys. There are only a certain percentage of women who get attention only from looks. You need to gets men's attention by talking to them.

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  • Why don't you try approaching guys yourself? Your question makes it sound like you just sit back and wait for guys to come to you. That doesn't work.

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  • Why don't you approach guys yourself?

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  • All is in your attitude. Youbre doubting a lot. Just stay positive and love yourself. Seriously you re young hit the gym meet guys make friends that will introduce you to guys you may like. There is always a 50% effort that you need to do and the guy does a 50% to. Dont have excuses or an idea that is premade dont force things. Just make it roll and go with it

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  • It will change as you get older, guys usually don't go for big girls at that age , it's not easy in high school to get dates, but gets better once your in the real world later on

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