Girls that I'm not interested in flock me, but the girls who I am after push me away?

I had enough of this BS now๐Ÿ˜‚ I just can't put up with it anymore. WOW.

(I'm trying not to boast, this is the situation)

So I'm a multi-instrumental musician and I have performances almost every week. This allows for many people to be exposed to me thus I am well known around my social circle & suburb.

I have female friends scattered all over the place that literally are like spies and they feed me information about the conversations about me that have been amongst the girls.

I'm seeing that a lot of the girls have interest in me but sometimes the feeling isn't mutual.

On the other hand, I have a handful of girls that im trying to chase but they ALWAYS seem to be pushing me away?

I'm so frustrated! ๐Ÿ˜ข why is it all the girls that I want that are rejecting me? Don't share the same thoughts as other girls?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • We tend to want what we can't have. It's an unfortunate thing that I've been on the receiving and distributing end of (there's a better way to say that but I can't think too much right now).

    I mean, when something is easy to obtain, it's kind of just 'okay, cool'. But when you want something that evades you, that makes you work hard, that's when it becomes 'Wow, I gotta' have this'.

    We totally understand. And I mean, all those girls who like you (the ones you don't like) they're in the same shoes as you right now, so don't think no one else is experiencing the same thing.

    Anyway, your best option is not to harass the girls you like, but you give 'em so space and make them think you don't really want them, even if you do. Here are the benefits of acting like so:
    1. She doesn't feel trapped or forced to make a decision.
    2. She wants what she can't have (see that?) even if she has no intention of returning the feelings.
    3. If she ends up being not interested ever, you haven't overstepped your boundaries, and things won't be awkward.

    While that's all true, however, you can't just never say anything. She'll never come forward unless she's really bold. At this point, let her know you see something great in her, and give subtle cues. She'll notice. I promise.

    After the cues have been dropped, play hard to get.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • My parents have a pet cat. Every time I wanna pet it it keeps running away from me. But every time I am eating something the cat comes around and starts meowing. perhaps you should stop chasing girls and carry on self improving yourself. The girls you're attracted to are likely to come around. "if you build it they will come."

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What Girls Said 21

  • Thats life.

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  • If you're trying to chase them and they are pushing you away, then they probably aren't interested. Why would you want to keep pursuing a girl who doesn't find you attractive or interesting? You should really try to give these other girls who are interested a chance. Either that, or just be content being single. It's honestly not that bad.

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    • If I want something. I would be willing to do everything in my power and I will do something about it.

      Just sitting there and accepting what you have when you want more is just not for me.

      i have "hunted" many girls who were not fond of me before ;) maybe your advice will work for those who aren't ambitious.

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    • I agree with his retort. Girls are always telling men that they need to take charge and take the initiative. Yet now he should not pursue what he wants?
      What would you have him do then?

    • Tbh, I'd rather be alone for the rest of my life than waste my time and energy with someone i don't love.

      Love can be seen as a distraction towards future ambitions and greatness. You need someone worth the sacrifice.

  • Honestly, maybe try giving some of the girls you don't have an interest in a chance. Perhaps they may surprise you. I'm not saying you have to marry them, but maybe go on a coffee date or even just have a short conversation with them after a show.

    Maybe some of them will surprise you and maybe you will find yourself drawn to a few of them.

    I know there have been times where I immediately disregarded someone and then later regretted it once I got to know them. Sometimes it just takes a little to develop the attraction or feelings.

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  • uh maybe you should find out why they're running!! lol honestly girls like honesty and confidence.. so go get her or them in this case!

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  • Find a balance in fighting for what you're interested in and being good to yourself. You won't gain much if you're only pining after women that don't want you. Similarly, you won't be happy with a woman you never wanted.

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    • That is very true. I've kept seeing girls that I had no interest in, mainly due to lack of physical attraction, because they were nice and interested. Honestly it's a waste of time and doesn't make me feel any better than being alone. My issue is with the ones I actually do like, they're initially attracted but after 1 or 2 dates, they'd flake without any explanation.

    • Thanks, I'll keep that in mind :D

  • Maybe a stroke of bad luck, or the type of girl you like are just much harder to get.. or maybe they know about these "spies" who feed you info lol.

    really depends on the girl

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  • Maybe you are to picky. A lot of people are. Do you really know these woman that you chase? Or is it just their Looks? Maybe you should give someone a chance. They might surprise you.

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    • To be honest... It's primarily based on looks I'm not gonna lie 😂

      But if I were to 'give' them a chance... I would get bored and then not really commit myself... I mean if you want a chance with someone, you have to keep them interested? (This is what I always do)

      And I don't think I have the incentive to approach them 😂

      Otherwise You're just wasting our chance.

  • Isn't that always the case though?
    Really I think we always want what we can't get because it's more interesting but we don't want what we can get/or even have.
    That's actually applicable to almost any area in life lol, at least it is to me.. Sad life 😂

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  • Get some worth in your bones and appreciate those who think you are the best.
    I would never give my time and effort to those who don't.
    My boyfriend loves me a lot for it because he watched me never let a guy mistreat me before we got together.

    Think like this, and I can guarantee that no one will be out of reach because everyone is the same just different.

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    • You are right.

      However some girls who 'flock' are so disrespectful like wow 😂.

  • I do that. xD
    I'm not proud of it, but when I like someone, I actually don't have enough courage to talk to him. I can't even smile at him sometimes, so it pretty much looks like l'im pushing him away.
    we get pretty shy and intimidated by you, so we back up and see if you'll come to us, maybe then we won't be us scared as when you don't even approach us. Have any questions, I'm here! :D

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    • Haha that sounds a lot like what I do too when I like someone! Haha

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    • Yea... But then shit happens when they back away even more and move to that ridiculously MASSIVE group of friends and now you gotta really brace yourself or just get out'a here 😂😂😂

      I sometimes just get outa there, I'm not gonna lie 😔😒😂 too much work

    • We really have to! There's got to be a way... ๐Ÿ˜…๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚ @IdontneedAname

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  • I don't want to sound mean but maybe you're not very good at "chasing"?
    I think in general being a musician automatically makes you more appealing to most girls. It's the admiration of the crowd combined with confidence in playing that does it.
    It could be that because you're more used to being approached your skills in approaching are not as great.

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    • All my relationships have come to existence through the chasing/hunting. So I'm pretty sure its not about the hunting that sux 😂

      I approach more than I am actually approached 😢

    • It could be that some girls are wary that you might be a player, no pun intended.
      Or they are too insecure to be in a relationship with someone that gets a lot of female attention.

  • Stop chasing, maybe they'll come after u instead

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  • Happens to basically everyone

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  • Dont always trust the insight of the middle women... Pursue who you want to and use your own judgement to see if the feelings are more than they say to others. I don't admit to crushes I have to anyone other than my crush.

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  • sounds funny, but same here!

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  • "want what you can't have" always seems to be the case. It's like that for me as well. Like I don't have high standards, but I do have a deal breaker list. The guys that exhibit those deal breakers (abusive, heavy drinkers, etc. etc.) always seem to go after me and I don't want it. It is frustrating. :/

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  • Maybe the girls who you are chasing are often "out of your league?" And I am not only talking about looks but the total package. I see this with a lot of girls.. they don't like the guys who like them but go after the guys who are "out of their league." For example, when the girl is 6 or 7 but interested in guys who are 9 or10.. but those guys are not interested in the girls who are 6 or 7 because they can get with the girls who are also 9 or 10.. so basically they have more and better options.

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    • Naaayyyyyyyyy

      Definitely not out of my league. Unless she's like 4 years older than me with thousands of followers/friends/likes on her social media, and has toooonnnsss of boyfriend options and bffs, then nahh. And even if you may encounter those girls, they probably devoted themselves (heart, soul and mind) into becoming the popular person and not really having any plans for the future such as a long term career...

      you'lol meet a lot of temprary people at 16-22, and soon your reputation and social 'gains' will fade away.

      Upon arrival of the new game in the real world, your league is now dropped by thousands of levels. (Meaning out of school and varisty/college)

    • I am not talking about highschool "out of league".. I was just trying to simplify my answers by using the word. To make it short, MATURE and DECENT girls don't care about how many likes, followers and friends you have. The total package I was talking about was about is about the person's presence and aura, the depth of someone's thoughts about life, goals, maturity, inner and outer beauty/appearance and etc. You still sound like you have a lot of maturing to do but you are only 18.

    • Oh I thought you meant it the way these teens today mean it when they say "out of your league".

      I'm more successful in that area of 'league' than the social media and friends stuff (I don't even have an Instagram).

      A lot of these teenage girls are too shallow to really start finding the real valuable stuff in a man.

      They're still drawn to that 'swag', 'fashion', 'friends' bullsh*t 😂 nothing legit with a man's personality, capability, wisdom and knowledge.

      I understand what you're saying. But sadly, many of these girls are shallow 😔

  • Sorry I know. Games r no fun. Ull meet the right girl some day.

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  • In the end all relationships must be win-win to start AND survive. Find that one.

    In other words:
    1- The ones that want you, is because you're giving them a good deal, but they are not giving you a good deal. Don't settle for that. You'll end up depressed and in a lot of trouble.

    2- The ones that you like, but they don't like you, you are getting a good deal, they are not. Find out what it is that they need in life. Give it to them. Give them what they deserve. That way you will get what you deserve, which is what they have to offer. You'll both be happy. Happily ever after. Happy ending.

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  • Because you come across as desperate to the girls you like and maybe you even come on too strong and maybe you give off a cockiness arrogant vibe

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    • That's... Exactly spot on 😂 (about the cockiness vibe)

      However the desperateness... Mayybbeeee hey, I know one incident when where that showed.

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    • I think you are getting too defensive
      Maybe this is not the website for you
      This website is for opinions and I am going off on the information you put
      Desperate men are a turn off
      So are desperate women

    • You act like people are telling you to date women you find ugly or unattractive
      I'm just telling you why I think those girls may not be interested in you
      If all the girls you like are not interested after you approach them then think about the common denominator every time you approach those women
      The common denominator is you
      There is something you may be doing that is making those girls lose interest. It may be that they so not find you attractive or they do not like your personality

What Guys Said 27

  • U don't actually need efforts to chase women, LOOK, when you do nothing, the girls are around your orbit because you have ambition, passion that they crave of in a man. Attraction must be mutual for both parties to make things work. Keep circulating, you will find your suitable candidate to date very soon.

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  • Reality is a cosmic joke, work out for years, make some progress, eat chips and donuts for a month, gain 70 pounds. Working your ass off for 20 years, save up 200K, spend one night in Vegas, lose it all. Try for 8 months to hook up with the girl of your dreams, finally get a kiss, say something mildly insulting on accident to her, get rejected. Work 5 years in sales at a company earning the business 7 million in residual income, get fired for an off white joke. Get girls you don't like liking you? Welcome to the club.

    My friend, this is how the world turns, deal with it.

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    • This is not how the world turns. Those are all mistakes the person has made. Life is what you make of it my friend. Sounds like a cliche but only you have the power to turn your world in the right direction.

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    • @RachelBrigs Seriously, get a dictionary for fucks sake

    • Seriously, think for fucks sake.
      I understand that you were exaggerating. But again. your point is the same.. you're not taking responsibility for anything. If you gain 5 pounds or 70, its still your fault if its due to bad diet... if you blow $5 or $200k, still your fault..

      Eh I'll give up now- no point arguing with someone who doesn't think.

  • First of all, the replies to this question make up the poster for one of my most hard-learned lessons:

    Men, never take dating advice from women.

    Don't ever do it.

    Look at all of the women here who advise you to settle for women you don't like. Is that what they do? Do they date men they aren't attracted to? I hope not.

    If you date someone you aren't into, someone is going to get hurt. You'll always be on the lookout for something better. They'll sense it. It will not end well.

    Look into pick-up artist literature, starting with the Neil Strauss classic, "The Game." Adapt the techniques outlined there to your own personality and you'll find yourself more attractive to the types of women you want.

    The basic truth is that anything that is easy to obtain inherently has little value. Are you making your intentions all too clear? Making yourself too easily accessible?

    Imagine anything you think is cool. Now imagine the price has been cut to 25ยข. Are you thinking you got a great bargain, or are you suspicious?

    What goes for economics goes for people.

    Good luck my friend.

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  • Shit happens.

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  • Yea I've had this problem before, but the girls in the 'higher league' suddenly become a lot less bitchy when they see you go for girls based more on personality - ie you make an attempt at establishing rapport with and dating the 'lower league' girls. So you can manipulate the social dynamics this way (or otherwise work to become a REALLY high status male). But these women will still judge you based on your intent - that's to say that they will weasel out the men who are just trying to manipulate the social circle game. If you want to try go ahead. It's ridiculously tough but not impossible.

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    • I don't think league is a problem anymore right now...

      It's more about the individuals, what issues they have with me as a person, not really as 'a guy from this league'.

    • Well no-one really knows your individual circumstances so any advice you get is going to be highly generalised. That's why the best thing to do is 'play by ear'. Maybe look for women outside your usual social circle.

    • Will do, thanks

  • This happens to a lot of guys including me. Sadly you will lose much more often than you will win.

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  • This dilemma happens to everyone at times.

    As I aged into adulthood, I went from focusing on the girls I fancied most, to focusing on the ones that like ME the most, and picking from that smaller bunch.

    I like being wanted. :)

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    • Rather go for what you want than just feel yourself and chill with the averages?

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    • @bloodmountain1990 sort of... Yea... Yea I did. Think I'll give it a shot

    • Gotcha yeah the ones into me ended up not being physically attractive at all and they ended up using misleading pictures. I mean not to sound shallow and I don't have the highest standards but I still have some. This is why I prefer meeting women in public where that kinda stuff isn't an issue, but that being said the only times I've gotten women in public was when they approached me first and even then that only lasted in a hookup. I'm not opposed to hookups but they're only fun while they last.

  • Same boat as you man, it's frustrating. It's like I'll go on tons of dates and the ones I like or am open to will ignore me/flake out of the blue without any warning and the ones I'm not interested in are all over me and keep trying.

    That being said, it's better to look at it that way as opposed to no one likes me. Still frustrating as hell.

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  • I have the exact same problem.
    It's a marketplace. I'm guessing the females that pursue you are not much in the looks department.
    The better looking they are, the more men pursue them, and thus the more selective they are going to be because it's supply and demand. There is high demand for them, and low demand for you unless it is the ones with low dating value.
    Sorry, it's just the truth. Wish it weren't that way.
    But this is just women. It's all of them everywhere.

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  • When all else fails, lower your standards. Among the ones interested in you, pick the best of the lot?

    I hate to say, "When I was your age, no one was interested in me," but that was the case.

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  • Man, I know the struggle. This has been the story of my life. I empathize but unfortunately haven't discovered a remedy. It's just one of life's little jokes I suppose.

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    • It suxxxx baalllll ssaacckkkkk ey 😂

    • You don't have to tell me. My advice is to learn to enjoy being single. I have done and if you have a hard time doing that, listen to the stories people in relationships have. Honestly you'll probably find they're not so great.

    • Being with the person who I want to be with would be the main purpose here I suppose

      None of that girlfriend/boyfriend single, couple shiz 😒 that's not what im after

  • If that's happening to you that means you not only have no game but you have negative game whereby your personality repulses women that previously could have found you attractive.

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  • Probably because your going after all the hot girls like all the other guys so their picky. My advice: put on a private show, invite all the hot girls and have free food. Bitches love food, you will drown in pussy after that

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  • It depends if you're continuously chasing the same girls, if they are dead set against flirting with ya, you're effort isn't guaranteed to change their minds.

    Kudos on the instrumentals work.

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    • They're different girls and apparently they're 'above' all this fangirl obsession thing (which was what they said) 😂

  • Sounds like a good portion of my fucking life.

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  • Haha same here, the dilemma is real.

    Most girls I know don't want me around.. wtf am I saying there's enough of them and so on, probably I just have a happy vibe some people don't like

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  • Same here man...

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  • Yeah, same here. The more you chase a girl, or desire her, the more she will try to elude you.

    Just chill out, and treat the girls you pursue the same as any other girl

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  • The ones you are ignoring want you... So start ignoring the ones you want!! Chat it up and get massages from the ones that want to do it anyways, but just be sure that the one (s) you want are nearby! They'll notice!

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  • thats life

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  • Keep slaying my Asian brother!

    by the way, U AWARE?

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  • The way of life, and by the way musician also. I've had girls literally tell my girlfriend (of the time) that they would steal me away, etc. to her face, and at nearly the same time (but not when with a gf) struck out repeatedly with women who knew I was a musician (not total strangers or anything like that) and who even respected or were awed by my talent.

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  • Hey mate
    I too happen to be a multi-instrumental musician
    I too faced the same prob. Exactly the same.
    I'll tell you what, those little girls after you,
    they may not seem worth a damn, but are worth a try if you have even the slightest inclination. as for the dem good girls, they find you to be a "Creep".
    No offense, it happened to me as well.
    The only way you get up these things, is to reach to the level of an alpa male. I'm pretty sure every place has that one player type of guy.
    One last, weird yet important thing. Don't ever overdo attention.
    If you get behind those good girls, they might just throw you away

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  • Maybe it's you and not them. Maybe you're only attracted to things that feel unobtainable. Maybe the simple fact that it feels like they don't want you is making you want them more because more than anything else you just want to be wanted. If this is the case then you probably don't like yourself very much and have become so accustomed to the feeling of rejection that you seek it out because the comfort of rejection is better than the fear of actually being vulnerable and allowing another person, who actually does want you, into your life.

    You could have a dishonest view of yourself and you've been chasing after people who you think are right for you but in fact are not. It would be like continuously applying only for jobs that you aren't qualified for then getting upset because you're not getting the hired. Not saying you aren't good enough for the girls i'm saying you may not be as compatible as you'd imagine. If this is the case then refocus on who you are and what's actually important.

    Lastly you could just be unlucky. In that case you just gotta suck it up and deal with it.

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    • I stepped in thinking they all wanted me and that's why I went for them (also because of their attractiveness).

      So I wouldn't say it's wanting the unobtainable because I've already lost interest in one girl who isn't even worth the time 😂

      "Are you even in the league to be playing hard to get? What are you good for besides looks?" - were my thoughts upon leaving a particular girl.

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    • You won't get anywhere until you chose to be honest with yourself.

    • 😂😂😂 I see what you're sayyyiinnngggggggg

      But you don't really know the person I am so that huge truck load of comments wouldn't apply to me. I'm not gonna bother disapproving 😂

  • Hey, at least you have women that are interested. You're doing better than I am.

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  • This has to do with challenge and being "hard to get". I guarantee you that the if the hottest girl in your school (I'm assuming your a HS senior or a college freshman) approached you, took you out, paid for dinner, massaged your back, told you how hot your are (over and over and over again), banged you in every position that at some point you would feel much less attracted to her. It's human nature and it sucks. But it goes both ways (I had a hot ex who was too "nice" and forward). do a youtube search for "corey wayne" he's got some of the best advice I've ever heard. Wish I got more coaching/insight when I was your age.

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  • It's because of this "I'm trying to chase"!

    That's the key phrase in your paragraph. Don't chase girls, it kills there attraction for you. It's gonna rip you apart, chasing girls only to realize there back is slowly getting father and farther from you as they distance themselves from the guy pursuing them.

    While ol, mysterious, slightly dangerous, and nice beard over there is looking better and more interesting lol.

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