Is it unreasonable of me to break up with a girl because she is not a virgin?

I am waiting for marriage to have sex, and have been waiting for 21 years, and I have been in a 5 month relationship with this girl, who recently informed me that she has had sex before. That really pissed me off, because I like this girl, but I was immediately turned off when she told me that. I thought about it and decided that if she couldnt wait for me (if we got married), then I dont want her, so I broke up with her. She was devastated because she really liked me, and her friends keep harassing me about breaking up with her for a "stupid" reason as they put it. I'm not backing down though, and told her friends to f off, most of the reason I am waiting for marriage is because I love my future spouse enough to not have sex with anyone but them, and she clearly didn't love her future spouse enough to do that, so I dont want to take the relationship any further. She claims to have changed, she claims to be a different person now, but I'm pretty sure she is just saying that to get back with me. Either way I am over her, that turned me off so much that she had sex before, that I really dont want to be romantically involved with her anymore. Is this unreasonable?

Updates:
I didn't talk about this before because I just assumed she was a virgin. She didn't seem like the kind of girl to sleep around, and I dont introduce myself like "Hi my name is ___, are you a virgin?". Thats an extremely awkward question to be asking. After this though I will definitely screen them a little more before going out with them.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • If that's how you truly feel then there isn't anything wrong with that. I mean it sucks and she's really hurt over it. Still better to do what you feel is right than to carry on doing something your not 100% happy with.

    Though once y'all got to know each other better you should have told her about how your waiting for marriage and want to be with a virgin like you. Instead of finding out she isn't a virgin and both of y'all having deeper feelings for each other. Causing the break up to be more painful than it could have been.

    I'm sure she didn't have sex because she didn't care about any future spouse. I'm sure she did it because it's an experience. For some people having sex helps them understand what they truly like in a guy and more about them selves. Your subconscious comes into play during sex. Ends up pointing out if you truly feel comfortable with that person. If your emotions for them is 100% true. How compatible you truly are with the person.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Sort of , this should of came up right on the first or second date, most girls will have had sex at that age and you may not find someone that you like that is still a virgin right away , your basically breaking up with her because her first relationship didn't work out

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What Girls Said 11

  • Since you waited yourself, it's not unreasonable since it's something clearly very important to you. Nobody should make you feel bad about it, you are allowed to have expectations where you've upheld your end of your expectation. I would however encourage you to really think about this, because if you like her in every other respect and deeply care about her... I would at least consider forgiving because you may miss out on a really great girl for you. But still, it's your call at the end of the day. For future relationships, I'd make it a point to ask about virginity if it was important to me. Take care

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  • No, since you're a virgin yourself. But this is definitely something you should have talked about already if it's so important to you.

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  • My question is why didn't you guys talk about this beforehand? If her being a virgin is so important to you then why wait 5 months to figure that out?

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  • Yeah I think you're unreasonable. But since it's clearly that important to you, I think you should wait for someone as pedantic as you.

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  • I totally understand why you may be upset about this one. Keep in mind though, she probably didn't even know you existed when she had this other sexual partner. Perhaps she thought he was Mr. Right and just did the deed a bit early. I'm sure it kills her that she can't go back in time and wait for you, but at least she's honest enough to admit it. I know it's hard to hear this about someone you love, but that's just it. If you do love her and can see a future with her then maybe talk it out a bit more? You'll both make mistakes in the future, you and any wife you'd ever have will, but it's important to learn to work through disagreements early. I'd at least talk to her on the subject, and maybe try to over look it if at all possible. Give her some closure at the very least. I'm sorry about your situation and best of luck however it goes!

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  • I would feel the same way. It'd really bug me to think about that/: so I don't blame ya. Sorry about that though.

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  • I wouldn't call it unreasonable. I'd rather say a personal choice.
    I'm a 21 year old woman who's a vigin and I'm waiting for that mr. perfect. And dating a guy who's not a virgin would be a turnoff to me too.

    But on the other hand, if you love her so much, if she loves you so much, then why to break a perfect bond?

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  • No, if you want a virgin, I think you're entitled to someone on the same experience level as you.

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  • It does sound like you are the virgin hunter!!!

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  • I'm just wondering if she was raped would that be different

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  • You should of discussed it before you started dating.. Why wait 5 months before laying out on the table your wants in a relationship. How hurtful for her, you've probably made her feel bad for having sex too, which isn't fair we should be allowed to enjoy it just as much as men. I totally agree with her friends because you should of made it clear from the start you wanted yourself a little virgin! Sigh.

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What Guys Said 8

  • If you're saving yourself for marriage, I think it's perfectly reasonable for you to want a partner who has done the same for you.

    only problem is you are really narrowing your dating pool. Most girls can't count their partners on one hand, virgins are pretty rare.

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  • You missed the opportunity to spend your life with someone great just because she has had sex before. That's stupid man. BUT, it's your right to be stupid. It's your life to ruin however you please. Good luck finding a virgin girl who is not frustrated as you grow older.

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  • It's fine it's just a shame that you let that be a catalyst for hurting a woman that loves you. One day you might regret it

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  • Taking the title for face-value, breaking up with someone because they aren't a virgin is ridiculous.

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  • Soo she was supposed to wait for you since birth before ever meeting you eh?

    Sigh... dude you're too much. Break up with her for her sake, not for yours.

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  • I don't think it's unreasonable if those are your morals.

    They aren't my morals. And I wouldn't recommend anyone wait for a few reasons, but it's your decision.

    Your assumption that random girls will be virgins will likely be less and less accurate as you get older. By 19, 70% of girls have had sex; by 21, 85% have.

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  • I did the same a now I live with that regret. A loving relationship is based on many things. Sex is only one aspect but it's a very important one. It's not the sex part it's the intimacy that counts. You need to know that everything about someone is compatible with you then you will be truly happy. Everything she has done in her life has made her who she is. We all learn lessons in life. You'll never find the perfect mate. Give her a break the past is over what matters is now and the future.

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  • nope that is fine

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