What do you do when u have feelings for someone but don't want a relationship?

Imagine: you're seeing someone casually (not serious but not just sex either) and after some months you develop feelingd. You know that person is awesome but you don't really want a relationship and you know you wouldn't be a very good match, even if it's so much fun to hang out with that person.

The thing is if you don't really want to change things, but you just have a certain need to feel validated at an emotional level... But asking could make it all awkward... or not?
does it make sense?

So, what do you do?

  • Stop seeing the person
    23% (11)33% (15)28% (26)Vote
  • Keep on seeing the person and never mention that you're having feelings
    25% (12)17% (8)21% (20)Vote
  • Say what you feel to see if they feel the same (seeking validation, not a relationship)
    29% (14)37% (17)33% (31)Vote
  • Start getting to know and go on dates with other people to keep your mind entertained
    23% (11)13% (6)18% (17)Vote
And you are? I'm a GirlI'm a Guy

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Most Helpful Guy

  • It depends. If you can control those feelings you have and keep them in check, and you derive value from the friendship, then you can remain friends.

    If you can't control your feelings, then you need to end your relationship with that person completely - a complete and permanent break.

    It's really that simple, which is not the same as EASY.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Feelings happen, and it's not a bad thing. I'm of the opinion that you should always be open about your feelings, because it's a healthier state of being. Nothing has to change by sharing them. They might, but that's of no real consequence.

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    • i told him. he said he also feels the same way a bit, but we decided to stay friends AND have sex.
      I'm going on a date with the other guy though :P i don't want to exclude him without fgetting to know himbetter!

What Guys Said 11

  • Ask why you don't want a relationship. It seems odd to want to be with a person and not want to be with a person. I would question their emotional state (are they afraid of becoming attached etc).

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  • The first girl I loved, same story. I have feelings for her, but no relationship is possible because we are very different

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    • What happened? How were you different?

    • We met in school, and she's just so beautiful. We hit off really well, but I realized soon that she was very reserved when it came to sharing things. Even though she said she had feelings for me, she just couldn't come close to me (emotionally), and instead distanced herself. It hurt me and I just couldn't understand why she told me the things she did and then quickly distance herself. She eventually told me that she was confused about it, and I guess since I cared for her a lot, she felt scared that it might turn to a commitment she couldn't live up to. I am fine with the memory now, but it hurt me a lot when it happened.

  • Set some boundaries by indicating your not going to have a monogamous relationship with them and then hang out with them.

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  • I would make sure we're on the same page. It would be unfair of me to want to be with them, but not want anything serious when they could potentially want exactly that.

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  • Same story for the first girl I fell for her in 6th standard and studied in same class for next 6yrs, couldn't get over her until, she was so damn cute beautiful she was the perfect woman , I know it so I decided to wait for time to pull us apart, as I thought and I still think she deserves better then me. Unless I get lucky and end up becoming a rich famous, nice handsome celebrity. Which has a very rare chance of happening.

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  • I'm kind of in same boat. I developed feelings for a girl and I don't want things to get messy between us and move to fast but I would like to advance it a little or at very least keep it same. problem is we are not dating

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  • I think you should continue dating, I see nothing wrong with it since a lot of people have doubts before getting into a relationship

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  • Friend zone each other.

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  • When i have feelings for someone i WANT to have a relationship! Or at least... try to.

    But why do you only have these 2 options (relationship or ignore)? Can't you make out/go out/have sex with the person without asking for a relationship?

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  • So, is this a fuck buddy? Or something more? Your question doesn't give me a sense of your relationship with this person.

    You need to be validated? What is that?

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  • this makes absolutely no sense at all

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What Girls Said 8

  • Carry on as You have been doing here, dear. And if the subject at hand Needs to be Approached or Broached by the Other person, get on the same page so there isn't any rage, and see what happens from there with you Both whom I Know... Do care.
    Good luck. xx

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  • Maybe try dating other people, two things can happen a you realize that the person you are causal dating is really the guy you want to be with or b you realize for sure that you don't want a relationship with him and just move on.

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  • Are you sure you don't have feelings for this person? It kind of sounds like you are. Why else would you worry about things becoming awkward if you mention that you are not interested in anything serious?

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  • I got a crush on a friend of three years, and suddenly got a mad crush so i waited six weeks then i told him i was crushing bu tdidnt intend to do anything about it but i felt wrong not having him know i thought that way, and that made it easier for me to back off, because he knew when he hugged me or passed notes it ment more then he would want it too.

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  • I would save my feelings for someone who actually wants what I want.

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  • I'm in the exact same situation, I'm choosing to keep things as is and lessen my feelings slowly

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  • I stop talking to them.

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  • I understand you dont want a relationship, but it's not such a bad idea after all. Give it a try. Things nver remain intact in life, change is inevitabl.

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