How many dates should I let him pay for before we start splitting?

I'm 27, he's 30. We both have good jobs and are going on a second date tonight to the movies. He paid for our first date, and I'm wondering at what point do I offer to pay?

I know we're in the "courting stage" or whatever but I start to feel bad having him pay for me!


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Its kind of a girl to always offer to help pay, but most guys would prefer being paid back elsewhere (no, stop thinking dirty, that isn't even what I meant!)

    If a girl can cook, I love when she offers to cook for me after I've bought her dinner previously. Also, bringing food, deserts, or beverages, or even gifts when you visit is nice.

    The reason I don't like splitting that much, is because it ends the chain of kind gestures. You take what could have been a kind gesture that would be repaid by another kind gesture, causing a chain reaction of kind gestures to repay one another with, and you turn it into just a math equation: 100%/ 2 = 50%

    That being said, its always best to offer to split the bill if you're eating out and it wasn't the guys idea to go. If you end up eating out spontaniously, and its either your idea to go to a restauraunt, or something you both decided to do out of necessity, its not quite the same as a guy inviting you out to dinner, and even gentlemen may be put off by women not splitting the bill under those circumstances.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • I think you should offer to pay when you feel like it. I usually offer the first date, because I just don't care. If a guy gets offended about me offering on the first date, so be it. Though it is nice if the guy treats. I say that if he paid for the first date, I would offer to pay the second date. I think that would be a nice gesture. I don't think it would ever be a bad thing if a girl offered to pay even really early on.

    It shows that you are not just concerned with money and that you are willing to help out. I'm sure he will appreciate that! Plus I think guys like getting treated too!

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What Guys Said 28

  • Like others have said, it depends on the guy. And the girl as well. I've been fortunate to date girls who were willing to pay their portion of a bill shortly after we started dating. I've even had a girl offer to pay for the first date because I asked her out, drove her around and paid for other activities.

    If I had to give a general rule of advice, I'd say as soon as you become exclusive you should pay your half. If you want to show that you can support yourself and don't mind paying for your half, then as soon as you can.

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  • It really depends on the guy and depending on how much you are spending per date and how frequent you are going out together. Generally, after you have decided he's worth your time and effort for a relationship.

    I have a decent income so I can afford $500 per month on lavish spending. Other people might have a lower budget.

    If your 4-times a month dates involve restaurants with a $70~$100 bill each time then you might want to help the guy out a bit by either get cheaper dates or ask to pay for some of those dates.

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  • I have been dating my girlfriend for 5 months and I pay for everything. I am a very traditional guy and that is the way it is suppose to be. . . at least in my world.

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  • So how did it go that night?

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  • Two dates

    ,,,,,,,,,

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  • You should've offered to pay at your first date. Offer always when you get a chance. if he says no, insist slightly until you understand the reason he pays is not because he's too ashamed to ask a girl to pay. If he really wants to pay, simply let him.

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  • I think it's a good sign when a girl offers to pay early on.

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  • I would say about date 3 or 4. It is not a bad thing that you pay for the entire meal that time rather than split. To me it says, your still very much interested and that you appreciate him. Then look at splitting afterwards.

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  • I remember taking a girl out to eat and dates and such and she'd always take her purse out to pay and I'd always object "No, please I invited you I had a great time I'd love to pay". She always smiled

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  • This is how my wife and I did things when we dated. One night, It would be her treat. Next night, I would pay. Let it reciprocate. It worked for us.

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  • So pay for the movie.

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  • The first date he's obviously going to pay. If later on you really want to pay, you can do it, but don't "offer" to pay. If you simply do that, he's rarely gonna let you do it. Instead, you need to insist a bit saying things like "Hey I'm gonna pay this time", or anything you want with that intention. I think it's ok for women to pay or to split the check sometimes.

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  • Don't go by the book with these things. Go by the heart.

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  • Offer to pay once and you'll know how he feels about it, and what to do in future.

    Personally, I have a job, can afford to pay for my girlfriend and would never let her pay anything when together.

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  • You should've started splitting on the first date.

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  • So pay for him and then start splitting. There is no such thing as a "courting stage". Unless he's insecure in his masculinity he will appreciate you paying.

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  • Let him pay for the dinner. You pay for the dessert

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  • Id say a good conversation and maybe start splitting bcoz he will insist on paying at first and think about dominance

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  • after you have sex.

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  • arre.. nothing to worry, this is a very small thing..

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  • i think men should always pay, its respect:)

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  • As a guy, I just prefer paying. He may not be the same, but I just enjoy doing it.

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  • After you start dating id say

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  • I'd suggest rather than splitting, you start asking him on dates in return. Asker pays. You don't have to spend the same as him, you probably don't have exactly the same amount of money as him. That way you don't need to negotiate what you are able to afford/pay, you each plan dates in your own budget.

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  • I think it's best to split it right away. I see no point in having one person pay for everything.

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  • OK since it's the movies for the 2nd date, I think it would be cute if at sometime while at the theatre you offered to buy him some snacks. That's a low-key way to put your "toe in the swimming pool" and find out if that irritates him by you doing that too soon. by the way if he says something like "that's cute!" then he is going with the flow, and it's ok to think about 3rd or 4th date would be the time to offer to pay all. If he is resistant, then offer 4th (if there is one). My two cents.

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  • Girls never pay

    We want her to offer to pay, but we always pay. If she's having to pay, she shouldn't be dating him

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  • Take turns in paying. He might even be expecting that from you though he is not telling.

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What Girls Said 8

  • Honestly you should offer to pay for the second date. I mean us women like for a guy to pay but we have to be considerate of the guy as well. Guys would like a woman who offer to pay as well. You seem like you have no problem paying but I will suggest that you offer to pay. He will appreciate you more, and he will know that you're not one of those type of girls that always want a guy to pay. For me it goes many ways. Like if the guy ask me out, I think that he should pay. But I have no problem splitting the bill or saying "Hey you get this date, and I get the next one". I say surprise and say "Hey I got this"

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  • Why don;t you take it in turns? Next time say it's your turn to pay.

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  • Let him pay as much as he wants. If you feel bad ask if you can chip in or pay in full. Its not complicated.

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  • The first month of dating then at least offer so he doesn't think you're taking advantage. He'll appreciate the offer.

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  • second it is important to be fair. So he won't expect more you know what I mean?

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  • Maybe just like split on this one (but I'm the person who HATES people paying for me).

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  • i´d say he should have to pay for all dates, but i live in mexico so cultural background does influence that, ro maybe im just way too old-fashioned.

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  • I always split from the beginning and then alternate later. If he insists on paying for the movie say that you'll get snacks or that ice cream or some drinks are on you afterwards.

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