Is it your fault if a guy refuses to commit to you/call you his girlfriend?

Recently 1 of my guy friends that I had a crush on confessed he liked me & he wanted to try dating. However he kept warning me he just got out of 5-yr relationship, wasn't emotionally stable, blah blah and wasn't looking for anything serious right now.. me being the stupid person I am reluctantly agreed to casual dating b/c I liked him so much (even tho I'm definitely a relationship person). However he wanted to be exclusive & kept acting like a boyfriend to me, and all of our mutual friends could see how crazy he was about me.

Two of our friends confronted him & got angry at him for leading me into a "casual thing", and told him to either make it a real relationship or cut things off before someone gets hurt. He rushed over to my house after this confrontation in an angry mood & raised his voice at me saying crap like "Let me make things clear for you, you'll NEVER be my girlfriend, I will NEVER call it a relationship, etc". I was so shocked & cried after.. even though I cut off all contact w/him i still feel miserable about myself. If a guy refuses to commit to you does that make you undateable, or mean something's wrong with you?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • It has nothing to do with you. He just got out of a long relationship, it's normal he didn't want to rush into another serious thing. I don't think your friends should have intervened, given that he was honest with you - he wasn't leading you on, he was straight about wanting a casual thing.

    You didn't do anything wrong. You two are not the right match. If you're looking for something serious, don't waste your time (and your emotions) on someone who isn't ready to commit. Good luck!

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Well honestly, your two friends were way out of line to confront him like that. Your relationship (dating relationship or whatever it is) is between you and him. So, I would probably be more upset at the friends for confronting him, it's really none of their business.

    That being said, obviously this guy doesn't want a real relationship right now and it sounds like he was upfront and honest about that to you from the beginning. You agreed and chose to go along with the casual thing so yes, that would mean it's your fault for agreeing to a situation that you didn't really want to be in. That doesn't mean there's anything "wrong" with you though or that you're undatable. This is just one guy and clearly, he wasn't ready for a committed relationship.

    He shouldn't have yelled at you because your friends confronted him though. That wasn't exactly fair to you but at least now you know where he stands for sure and can take steps to move on.

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What Guys Said 3

  • There is nothing wrong with you. You are fine just the way you are.

    It's him, he has commitment issues.

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  • Something is wrong with him, emotionally unstable like he said. Don't think it's your fault.. he obviously has some anger problems too, yelling at you like that.

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  • Wow no it is NOT your fault. He's a class 1 asshole.

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What Girls Said 4

  • In this situation I have to yes it is your fault. Not for him not wanting a relationship, but for you ignoring him when he told you that he doesn't want a relationship. You decided your wants and needs were more important than his and set about trying to convince him to do what you wanted. He did NOT lead you on or string you along.

    However, this does not mean you are "undateable" or that there's anything wrong with you. It simply means that you two are incompatible regarding your relationship wants and needs. Next time don't ignore somebody else's feelings and you are less likely to get hurt from going down a path that you knew was going to end a way you didn't want.

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  • friends should stay out. i think he was honest though i dont get what you mean about him wanting to be exclusive but refusing commitment.

    how could you guys be exclusive and not in a relationship?

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  • one thing not to do is get your friends involved... i've noticed that guys take it really badly... especially before the dating phase...
    and 2nd is that he's an ass. just drop him. and it wasn't your fault at all

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  • No honey, his reaction doesn't define you at all. It's not your fault he doesn't want a relationship. You are dateable, everyone is. Maybe he isn't ready for a steady relationship yet, or maybe he is just looking for a rebound. Or maybe he has commitment issues. The problem is not you, it's him. I think you should give him time, and if you are truly okay with a casual relationship then by all means, do it. But if you think you deserve something more than that, then just leave him and fine someone else. Never ever feel miserable about that. I think you have made a really good decision. Just remember it's not you, it's him.

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