How do I stop being so picky?

My standards for guys are so high that I can't find someone and it makes me both sad and frustrated. I really want to find someone but unless he's exactly what I want then I don't feel attracted to him and don't develop any feelings at all.

I've tried dating guys who are good but doesn't have everything I want but it doesn't work. I just like them as friends and feel disgusted just thinking about being anything more than that with them. I can't be in a relationship with someone I'm not attracted to, don't have any feelings for and even feel disgusted by.

I've always been very picky so this is nothing new but it's starting to really get to me now. Many of my friends has been in relationships for years and now live with their bf/gf, have kids etc. and I can't even find another guy that I like enough to even kiss.

This is making me very unhappy so it needs to change, I just don't know how to change it.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • I don't think there is a way to change that. I am the same way as you. If you find a way to change it, please let me know!
    Nah, I am joking. I don't really want to change it. I have accepted it and I think you should learn to accept it too, otherwise you are always going to be sad about it.
    I believe that it is better to be on your own, rather than settle for someone you don't like or someone you simply tolerate.
    Even being with someone you simply tolerate can be a living hell. I am saying that based on the things friends and acquaintances tell me.
    So let's just say that the guy you have formed in your head never makes an appearance in your life, so fucking what?
    The quality of our lives should not be determined by whether we have a lifelong partner or not.
    There are more things in life than that.

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    • Thanks and good luck!

What Guys Said 6

  • Don't take this the wrong way, but you are gonna die alone...
    your expectations of guys are just a little to high, the part that you miss is what the guy expects from you too. If you want a guy to be 100% what you want, you should become 100% what HE wants and im willing to bet my left arm that you aren't/wont be willing to do the work to become that. If you aren't willing to do that, then don't be surprised that he isn't willing to become everything you want.

    Heads up, if you should Ever find a guy that satisfies ALL your expectations, he's a player and you will get your heart shattered (not broken). Reduce the expectations a bit and gain a little flexibility and darling you would end up in an Amazing give and take relationship. People tend to do more when they know they aren't Expected to.

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    • You don't seem to understand to problem. I CAN NOT reduce my expectations or lower my standards. I have tried multiple times and I feel disgusted just thinking about the guy I'm going out with when I do. It's so bad that if I had sex with them I would feel raped or even when I kiss them I feel dirty and disgusted weeks afterwards. Do you get it? I know I'm going to die alone if I stay like this that's why I'm trying to figure out HOW I can stop being so picky. Just deciding to do so doesn't work.

    • ... oh... usually works for most girls.. Hey, if all else fails... we can be be single together :) ... i don't have some humongous high standard for girls but most irritate me anyway. So maybe you don't have to die alone...

  • hell, you might die alone... but:

    1- you're still young
    2- you'll probably get desperate enough at some point and cave
    3- there's probably someone out there
    4- just remember you aren't 100% of what the other guy wants either.
    5- if people 100% perfect with each other, then why do you think couples get in arguments?

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  • You can't change it. It's who you are.

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  • Maybe you're a lesbian?

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    • No I'm definitely not.

    • Show All
    • And yet y'all broke up

    • Yeah and you don't know the reason for that do you? I have no interest in discussing why we had to break up, because it's not part of this question. All I can say is that it was not because we didn't love each other or didn't get along.

  • Go to hell. You sound like the exact same person, who once made me think and feel love existed for everyone, unfortunately it only exists for the most handsome, noble, and rich. I've lost all hope, you should too!

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  • Having higher standards is okay, but being picky will be a determent. Be more open minded, and just appreciate the things the next guy brings to the table, including their imperfections.

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What Girls Said 1

  • You'll never find every single thing you want in a guy.
    Plus, even if you will, it does not necessarily means you'll fall for him. You might find a guy who will be completely different from what you want and you will fall for him if you'll let him in.

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    • I have tried to date guys that's not what I want and no, I don't fall for them. Actually the opposite happens - the more times I see them the less I like them.

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