So is this a date or not? I'm so confused. Help?

Hi!
Okay so I finally decided to ask my friend out on a date. We had a thing in the past where we almost dated but something got in the way. So now we're just friends. But I said screw it because we are supposed to hang out anyway so I just asked him if he wanted to make it a date. I told him I just wanted to test the waters and wanted to know if he was up to it.

And basically he told me that he doesn't like to put a label on things and just sees it as a chance for us to hangout, talk and get to know each other more. When I asked him what he meant exactly he told me to take it how I wanted.

So? I'm confused? Is this just going to be a friend thing? Or?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • So what he is basically saying is that he wants to make it a completely casual (non-laballed) hang out. By "get to know each other more" I think he is saying that there is a definite opportunity for things to slowly progress into more if both of you feel a vibe. So basically its a date but he wants to keep it not a date so its casual hahaha. I've been on the date you are about to go on with my female best friend so I know how you feel! Me and her are still best friends and we are glad we went out at least a few times officially and mutually deciding we are meant to be friends not lovers hahaha. Since you both know each other already this is not like a normal date because your goal is to feel in the moment if you could see being romantic with this person (since you already know a lot about them). See how you feel one on one in the moment with him, if you feel a spark of attraction then I would suggest escalating things. From a girls point of view this normally means showing traditional flirty signs like touching him more, leaning towards him while you talk to escalate intimacy. Anything to give him the opportunity to make the first move on you. But from your post it sounds like you are a women of action so maybe you want to make the 1st move yourself, its up to you!! If its meant to be it will be, good luck!!!

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Most Helpful Girl

  • You know one another as Friends from the past so this is a good start anyways.
    However, Now with 'We had a thing in the past' that may have been not such a Blast, he is willing to 'Hangout' for now, not be committed to slap any title on anything and see where it Might go as you both try and make it flow, only Slower this time.
    He is Testing these waters himself and of course doesn't want to get knee deep where you and your friendship will sink again.
    I believe that for the moment, yes, he wants you both as friends, and maybe if things start to really sizzle better this time around, he could want More in store.
    Nothing in life is a sure thing but death and taxes and many things are a Gamble... Especially friends and where it might lead with a planted seed.
    Good luck. xx

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What Guys Said 7

  • He is afraid to expose his feelings. Give him some time to become more comfortable with the idea of admitting that he has feelings for you.

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  • I see so many of these on this site. Young people have twisted dating and i is hilarious that people can not know if they are on a date.
    Stop going on "group dates" . a date is 2 people going out. the first few should just be the 2 of you.
    going out on a date with others is fine but everyone should know the are on a date and who they are on the date with.

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  • I call it Schrodinger's date. The reason Date 0 is so ambiguous is so that retroactively the person can call it a date or not a date depending on how it went- so both parties can save face. Asking him to declare it now is like... observing it, right. You're trying to place it into one state or the other when that's not how it works.

    If he's answering ambiguously that means he's considering it, if that's what you wanted to know. How interested is he? I have no idea, you'll have to figure out yourself.

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  • Hmm I think he might be just afraid to put a label on things. He could be afraid to lose you as a friend too. Anyway if I was serious, I would've just taken you out on a date. Life is too short to have regrets.

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  • Read what @needsanswers100 wrote. I beg you.

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  • If you kiss him or he kisses you, then it is a date.

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  • if this was just going to be a friend thing, he wouldn't be going with you at all, especially after you asked him if he wanted to make a date. it is probably more something like "putting the date label makes me nervous. let's just call it hanging out, even though it's really a date" lol

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What Girls Said 6

  • When a guy says "hangout" then it's a date. It's just a way for them to save face in case it doesn't work out. A guy once asked me to "hangout" yet it had all the elements of a first time date such as movie, dinner, and long casual stroll. He wanted a kiss at the end of well but he didn't get one.

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  • dont think he's into you. It's not a date. He either doesn't want to be in a relationship at all or maybe just not with you. He probably enjoys your company, thinks your pretty, maybe it makes him feel good to have a girl want him or maybe he just really enjoys your friendship and wants to hang out.

    If it was a date you gave him the perfect chance to not worry about being rejected so it's not fear holding him back. I've been on both sides of this situation and being on your side sucks! I would just not even worry about hanging out with him and find someone who would be proud to say you were their date! If a man doesn't want to claim you then he's not that into you.

    On the off chance that he is into you, why would you want to be with someone who isn't even willing to call you his date? It would be a relationship where he takes you for granted bc it seems like you want to do all the work to make It happen with him and he's willing to sit back and let you.

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  • He's not sure if he wants you as a girlfriend yet. That's why he doesn't want a "label"
    he's basically saying,"I'd consider dating you so i'm gonna come hangout and if it's uncomfortable, then i have no obligation to date you"
    It's essential;;y an insurance policy for him

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  • It means he wants to see how it goes and if he wants to take it further or you do then do so...

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  • The summum of confusion. I hate when guys do that.
    Think it that way: it's a date if it's planned ahead of time and - probably, not always - pays for you. It's that simple.

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  • I feel your frustration. I just went through this, it ended really weird because he wouldn't just be clear. Tell this guy to be honest with you and what he wants because if he isn't genuine then he's wasting your time and emotions.

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