Guys, what am I missing here? What would you be thinking?

My boyfriend and I have been together for 6 months. At first, and up until the end, everything was amazing. I’m not going to go into details about the amazing part, because I have no questions about that. The part I have a question about is what caused us to end. Towards the last month, we started fighting… and I don’t mean arguing, I mean knock down drag out fights that resulted in both of us hitting way below the belt. He finally got tired of these fights and ended it. His exact words, “When we’re good, we’re amazing… the best relationship I’ve ever been in; but the fighting is dragging me down and that bad is officially outweighing the good.” In the meantime, he has moved into the other bedroom and wants to continue dating, as he says he thinks we need to take a step back and learn to be friends again. In the meantime, neither of us are seeing anybody and we still hang out on a nightly basis. The only real differences are that we’re not sleeping in the same room and we’re not fighting. Sounds great, right? But he says he doesn’t know if we have a future. Right now he is focusing on him and just having fun with me and he is not leaning one way or another as to if we will “officially” get back together.

This is the first time I have ever posted on a site, but I need help. I don't want to talk about friends or family about this, because frankly, I don't want them to know my business. For some reason, I find it easier to ask strangers, in hopes that I will get a more unbiased answer. I'm aware that for the most part, guys are simple and mean what they say, but I honestly don't know how long I can "date" this man that I'm in love with and invested in a future with.

Please help.


Most Helpful Guy

  • If a relationship is 'right', there will not be the need for that kind of horrific fighting. There will be disagreements and arguments, but mutual respect and consideration should dictate that most of them should simply be because of misunderstandings or inaccurate information. 6 months is a very short time to be together, that is not long enough to get past the NRE (new relationship energy) high, so if there are problems like this so early, it is not going to be something that can be sustained for multiple years. The chemicals in the brain that cause early relationship infatuations are designed to artificially bring two people closer together so that long term bonding can occur, that will then hold the relationship together when those initial chemicals wear off. But this backwards progression you are doing is going to most likely undermine that, meaning that you will not be building the long term chemical attachments, and when the short term ones wear off things will be even worse than before.

    It sounds like he is simply using you as a 'good time girl' while he considers his options, unfortunately. I would be very concerned about this backwards movement this early in a relationship, it is a pretty alarming flag.

    • I appreciate your response. While I am concerned about moving backwards, I'm even more worried that eventually, if things stay the way they are, I will eventually be viewed as just a friend... as silly as that sounds.

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    • So in your opinion, do you think there is a way to get things back? Is there a way to come back from this?

    • I'm not sure. You haven't really been together long enough to establish much of a relationship. This much of a sideways step, this early, is going to be really hard to overcome. Something is going to have to happen soon, it's not a situation that can last because eventually one of you will find someone else that interests them and then the whole thing will get very, very messy.

      So there needs to be some kind of decision. "Are we going to be a couple, and work through this as a couple", or "are we just friends with benefits, and does that mean I can start seeing other guys to get my emotional needs met". What is happening to you right now will leave you feeling empty and bitter if it continues. And that will add a lot of baggage to your life moving forward that will cause you a lot of stress.

What Guys Said 2

  • So are you still sleeping with him?

    • We have a few times this past month; yes.

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    • Sorry to be the bearer of bad news. I have been on relationships where we used to just scream at eachother, and now that I am older, I thank god I moved on from them, because that's not healthy.

    • That's what I got on here for, so I appreciate the input.

  • what's your question?

    • Is there actually a potential future here, or has he already checked out and just trying to squeeze a few last good times out?

    • he would've left if it was over.