OK, I am a late bloomer. I'm 34 and have never had a girlfriend, or been on a date, or flirted, you get the drift.
I have always been overweight, and because of that I lacked confidence to talk to girls. This has changed recently, I have lost a lot of weight and changed my wardrobe and hairstyle.
I went back to college and recently got my degree. In college I received lots of compliments from girls who always thought I was 10 years younger than I am. But, I was terrified to talk to any of them. I was afraid they would not like me if they knew I was 34 and never had a girlfriend, they probably would think me strange and not talk to me.
I am now trying online dating. I feel it's a lot less stressful meeting girls this way. OK, My Question finally: I have my 1st date coming up next week. Should I lie about never being in a relationship, or a date? Should I make up previous relationships if that subject comes up in conversation? If I tell the truth, my date will probably run out on me. She is 25, and no doubt has WAY more experience than I do in my 34 years.
Most Helpful Girl
First of all, I wanted to say a huge congratulations to you. It sounds like you have transformed yourself beyond recognition in the last few years - and that takes guts. It's not about the externals here: dieting is hard, but it's a walk in the park when it's compared to the courage and perseverence it takes to grapple with issues surrounding lack of confidence, and to put yourself through college. I can't even put into words how much I admire the effort you have made. You are a very impressive person.
And being a very impressive person, I don't think you need to be anyone but yourself when you go on a date. I pretty much guarantee that the story of what you have done in terms of transforming your life is more impressive than anything a Lothario could say. You just need to give the girl a bit of context. Don't just say 'This is my first date, ever'... explain that you used to be a really shy person, that you've had to battle with a lot of demons to transform yourself inside and out, and that you've only recently felt ready to start dating women. (You really don't have to be any more specific than that). You can even use your lack of experience as a way of complimenting her: 'I wasn't sure whether I was ready, but when I saw your picture, your beauty just captivated me, but then I read your profile and you seemed so vibrant and exciting as a person, I just had to meet you' etc. etc. This will be much more sweet and convincing than making up a series of fictional exes. (Anyway, on a first date, girls don't want to hear about your past girlfriends - it looks like you're bitter, or not over them!)
Now I'm going to talk about another issue, which is kind of there in the background of your message, but not mentioned explicitly: namely, sex. I'm guessing that you're pretty worried about your first time - most people are, after all! - and on top of that fear, you are dealing with the fact that you're a little bit older. Let me tell you a bit of a personal story. When my boyfriend and I started sleeping together, I asked him once how many girls he had slept with. He gave me a number that was a bit higher than I expected, and I felt really quite insecure about it. Had he said a lower number, I would actually have felt better! Don't think that girls prefer guys with lots of experience - they don't necessarily. What they DO like (and this is something that tends to come with experience, but is not by any means entirely shackled to it), is a guy who makes them feel special, and pays attention to their desires and needs in bed. Girls love a guy who gives. However your own performance goes, make sure you give her plenty of attention and whether it's your first time or your thousandth, she'll be happy.
Good luck - and remember, you're impressive just as you are. You don't need to pretend to be anyone else.1