Are older Men virgins an instant turnoff?

[mrsingle]

I'm 30 and a virgin. Social anxiety has made it VERY difficult for me to even find a girl who likes me. However if it happens I want to have sex.

I was reading about older guys who are virgins and opinions of women what they thought. I lost faith in the human race for what I read.

Many women found this an instant turn off, and said they would leave the guy if they found this out. Reasons were inexperience equals bad sex, or it must mean something is wrong with him if he hasn't gotten any yet.

In my case my anxiety has affected my social experience and probably I do come off as low confidence or mabye just a turn off for women. But is rejecting me because of that really ok? My body works perfectly fine, I have a high desire for sex and to be in a relationship. I am not selfish and can care about someone else. Why is being a virgin an automatic no when you don't even know me?

Im going to be honest I'm scared right now. I cannot accept never having sex, death would be better than that at this point. But if women are going to reject me because I'm 30 and a Virgin and I've never even gotten to date or be in a relationship is there really any hope at all?
If this is true society makes me sick, if women don't have to cook or choose not to have kids and still can get a partner and get married, why can't male virgins have equal opportunities?

Updates

+1 y

One place that discusses this www.netmums.com/.../...s-who-still-virgin-all.html

Updates

+1 y

Bump

[steveguitar]

I am in the same boat, no dating, no love from girls. Even now when i realize that some girl from the past may have liked me, she never made real effort. And everybody can tell that im shy, or have some sort of social inexperience.

Girls have said that i am cute and whatever, but mostly i took it as a thung of me being shy. But really i dont even meet girls. I dont know where they are. I dont know where to go to find them. I could guess that they go to the gym, i can guess that they go to work, but that isn't really a place to pick up women.

Besides i can't even get a decent job. i have my education but society hasn't let me have a good job yet. So where would i be able to go with a woman? Nowhere, so im not holding a candle out there for love and sex or anyhing like it. If it happens, it happens, but im not going to feel so bad about it that its going to make me hate everything about myself.

Even if i do find a girl to love one day or even go on a date and she finds out that I've never had sex. If she leaves i am just going to laugh at her, and i am going to spin her around to face me and i am going to tell her how pathetic she is. Yes everybody wants it, yes everbody wants it to look like the movies and or porn, but thus is real life. There is no such thing.

Just masturbate to yourself until you can get a girl. If you have a good job, and you have your own life, then you are halfway there

[mrsingle]

See, for dating should a job matter? Think about it, if you get along and then you say your jobless and she leaves you then it seems all she is out for is money. If your thinking of getting married then by all means you need a job, but who said during dating you can't find a job or work things out between the two of you?

[steveguitar]

there's just the feeling of inadequacy you know. Im not saying that it can't happen, but it feels like i wouldn't be able to do the things i want to do and date at the same time. It shouldn't matter in the beginning, but i believe that it is a bigger turnoff than no sexual or dating experience experience

[guy532]

It's not the women that are at fault, stop putting blame on others and you'll get further in life. The ONLY person holding you back is YOU. Go out there, swallow your pride and try, even if you're scared as fuck, that's what bravery is all about, facing your fears. Stop being a coward and actively try to make a difference in your life. I mean this with as much love as possible man 👍.

[mrsingle]

I don't have time to write out my whole life, but I have tried, talked to lots of girls, asked many out, did online dating. I've tried whatever was possible for my situation. Nothing worked for me. Girls are the problem cause I'd bang one tommorow if given the opportunity I'm
not shy about that!

[guy532]

I don't buy that at all. You're saying that girls are the problem, if everyone else seems to be the problem then the most likely problem is not them, but you. You need to really look at yourself honestly, find what good qualities you have and what bad qualities you have, what you believe is the biggest turn off when it comes to women dating you? There's always a reason (s) why you're undateable. Find out what they are and do everything you can to fix them and improve yourself. Would you honestly date you if you were a woman with other options? Be honest with yourself. I'm on your side by the way, I want you to succeed and be happy, but I'm not going to tell you what you want to hear which is going to get you nowhere.

[mrsingle]

I honestly think how I look. I have a medical problem which affects me gaining weight, I'm underweight and I'm stick thin, doctors haven't been able to help me put on more weight. My arms and legs are super thin and I'm flat as a pancake in my chest and abs. I look sickly in my opinion and girls probably look the other way for that. I can't change this and I thought getting better clothes would help make me look more mature but nothing helped.

[guy532]

I'm guessing you have hyperthyroidism? Sorry, that sucks that you have a really difficult time gaining weight and I'm on the skinny side as well so I get you. I remember when I was extremely fit how much more female attention I got. Have you tried protein/carb supplements? If not I highly suggest you try. Just one serving gives the same caloric intake as lunch. You can take it multiple times a day too whatever suits you best.

[mrsingle]

I've been on protein shakes since age 10 and they didn't make a difference. I out eat my parents but it doesn't show. People tell me, you'll put it on soon. I'm almost 30, guys my age want to lose weight because they put so much on, I eat the equivalent of 5 meals a day and the next day I go down 5 pounds then back up then next day back down its very frustrating and that i think is the only reason I haven't been successful over the years because I don't see any other reason and I've been to psychiatrists and they said I would be a great person to date I've got a head on my shoulders.

[guy532]

This probably a dumb question but it doesn't hurt to ask. Are they JUST protein shakes? If it's just protein, it's really not going to do much. You need more carbs more than anything and fat. The best for you are suplements that have a 2:1 carbs to protein ratio.

[mrsingle]

Ensure is one drink. I eat lots of nuts and seeds and meat like burger with cheese and bacon and lettuce and cereal like Raisin Bran and Cheerios protein I love eggs and milkshakes and oatmeal.
I'm 6'2" and 125 check BMI for 29 yr old male in the US and see how badly I am underweight.

[mrsingle]

I also eat 2 cans a day of chicken noodle soup with vegetables or rice.

[skullly]

as if you walk around with a sign on your head that states your age and how many partners you've been with? What the heck?

Or do you instantly upon meeting someone just open your mouth and say i'm 30 years and a virgin, hi! ? what is wrong with you?

if someone likes you they start to get to know you, go on dates and so on... why does this personal information have to be given out upon meeting? i thought that was intimate information... I suppose not to many people, such as yourself.

so how i see it, people usually dont' "need" to know this information... maybe after sometime of having known them, they'll probably like you by then, and THEN you reveal this information if it so happens to be inroduced into a conversation.. and by then since the person already likes you, it doesn't come off as a turn of... (or shouldn't) at least that's how I think. ... but just giving out this info upon meeting, that doesn't only push people away, it actually seems rather desperate and creepy.. like why would anyone need to know that upon knowing you? WTF? xD Keep that info to yourself and wait to talk about it at an appropriate time.

[mrsingle]

Since I've never had someone get close I never knew what to expect. I assumed people talk about that, but I myself wasn't sure how and when the right time is.

[skullly]

so for not knowing, you just expose this information upon meeting someone?

[SinghSong]

skullly, speaking as someone who's in exactly the same position, in spite of having taken the initiative to approach a grand total of more than a thousand girls at hundreds of dating events over the past dozen years, I can tell you that literally every other girl I've approached has asked me a question within five minutes of first introductions which has forced me to either lie or unwillingly concede the answer. For instance, "how long have you been single", "how many relationships have you had before", "how many girlfriends have you had", "how did your last relationship end", "how sexually experienced are you", "can you satisfy me", "are you any good when it comes to sex", "how well endowed are you". And as soon as it's revealed that I've always been single, that I've never had a relationship with anyone before, and they connect the dots to realize that I'm still a virgin, it's always resulted in instant rejection, by each and every girl who I've ever tried to approach.

[mrsingle]

@SinghSong this is what I was afraid of hearing, not everyone has it easy or good luck dating.

[SpinningDude69]

@SinghSong Since you are from UK as well, I might ask you if you can provide any advice regarding women and dating even tho that this question was asked nearly a year ago. I'm myself a 23 years old shy virgin guy who is looking to get closer with woman. What are those dating events you are talking about? I would likely attend one but I don't know where to look or what you are talking about. Is there any advice you can give since you have more experience as you are older than me?

[tashasei]

Own it, be confident in yourself. Whether you're a virgin or not, make it as casual sounding as possible when you bring it up and don't bat an eye whatever their reaction.

If you are self conscious about the fact you're still a virgin, women will sense this, and being insecure is a turn off. The right woman will accept you for who you are, but first you have to accept who you are and know that you aren't any less of a catch JUST because you're a virgin at your age.

[karahiri]

It isn't a dealbreaker. Everyone has their own pace of social development. I know this bothers you, but you can't make it the main focus of your interaction with women. It's perfectly normal to be insecure, but being very, very open with your insecurities early on can be a turn off. You don't want to come off as though you're obsessed with having sex and ashamed of yourself or something.

[mrsingle]

Why should I be ashamed of wanting sex? It's wrong I'm not allowed to be myself.

[karahiri]

No, I meant that you shouldn't be ashamed of being a virgin.

[mrsingle]

Oh ok

[Anonymous]

im a virgin yet i want an experienced man who would wait til marriage but guys who are experienced don't like waiting so its a lose lose situation for me i wouldn't mind dating a virgin man but it would be a bit awkward cause we both won't know what to do in bed when we get married

[mrsingle]

But then you both have fun experimenting which is more fun!

[Anonymous]

Mate it's ok! Maybe loose it to a friend of yours who understands? Have a fuck buddy to get your confidence up? Chill out and don't worry about it, I understand what anxiety is like and I think you can overcome it. Make a promise to yourself that you'll have sex if you want to. I believe you can find a nice girl and be in a relationship have confidence in yourself! :)

[Opinion Owner]

I would defiantly date a virgin

[mrsingle]

I found someone I liked but then found out she was engaged. 😕 She still talks kind of openly to me, she admitted many girls find virgins a turn off but that experiences girls enjoy showing Virgin males what to do. It was some encouragement.

[JayneW]

I can't see why this would be a turn-off in isolation, it wouldn't really bother me as long as we got on together and the relationship worked on other levels.

[mrsingle]

Exactly, if you get along great who cares about the past that someone is a virgin, shouldn't that make it more fun for the girl to show the guy the ropes and be in charge? I think I would like that 😄

[Anonymous]

Dude. Seriously?

If you don't know how to fuck, practice with a pillow or something. There, you have experience. She doesn't have to know it wasn't with a woman.

Seriously, be confident (or in your case, grow a sack), and just don't mention the whole virginity thing. If she questions it, lie.

LIE? BUT ISN'T THAT DISHONEST?

Yes it is, dumbass, but do you want to remain virgin and single, or do you want to get the ball rolling so you don't die alone? Act in your own self-interest, damnit.

[mrsingle]

I've never told anyone I'm a virgin, I was just asking if it came up what to say because can't girls tell if your lying if you aren't good at sex?

[Opinion Owner]

Her: "Are you a virgin"
You: "Thinking about me in the bedroom, are you ;) " then immediately change the subject.

Deflect with suggestive humor and immediately move on. Don't let her question you on it.

[mrsingle]

Good advice 👍

[Anonymous]

I have another kind of anxiety and would be open to dating and sleeping with a guy who was a virgin from social anxiety if he was also working on his mental health. I do a lot of work to stay functioning myself.

[mrsingle]

Just joining a dating site and approaching women was a HUGE step for me. In high school I couldn't even go out to eat from bad anxiety and wouldn't talk to anyone. I've gotten so much better that many people haven't even picked up I have anxiety which surprised me.

[Opinion Owner]

Great job! Keep up the hard work. :)

[mrsingle]

Thanks 😊

[JuicyBrain]

Dude ! If you ever get there and she seems unsure, just tell her that you have been waiting all your life for the woman that you thought was worth it and that it's her.
If it doesn't melt her heart, she's a robot.

[Whizzy83]

You hand must hate you just about. But on the seriousness, please don't live the rest of your life wondering what if. Just prep yourself with YouTube channels and read about body language. Checkout simple pickups on YouTube. BTW! I too suffer from social anxiety... and am DAMB handsome.

[Curmudgeon]

if I were you, I would look at dating older "Cougars". There are internet sites for that sort of thing. Your lack of experience and non-threatening demeanor would actually be downright appealing to them.

[mrsingle]

Is it wrong I want to be a father and cougars are past birthing age? If it's just dating to get "out there" then sure but I can't expect for it to last.

[Curmudgeon]

You are correct it will not last. But at your stage in dating, that does not matter. Getting out there is paramount.

[Anonymous]

Attraction and emotional connection are important to me. I dont care about his sexual experience at all - unless he's been around and got an STD - I am sure you'd be eager to learn how to get your woman off and that is all I'd like to see.

[brain5000]

It's not hopeless. The woman for you is out there. She's probably not very attractive, but she's out there.

https://i.imgflip.com/teh7s.jpg

[mrsingle]

I've been rejected by fat women and interracial women and average women for men that are less social than me and actually less attractive. Only thing they had a lot of money. Picture a rich guy missing teeth who is fat and plays video games all day and doesn't go out except to eat. I lost out to guys like that. I get girls like money but I go out places and have good hygiene and they would have more fun around me than this guy.

[Dragonstarterplus]

Yes it's a turn off, do not bring it up, if she brings it up bend the truth so you're not a virgin.

[Billlewis]

Have you considered serving a woman who would like to keep you a virgin permanently? I'm sure there are plenty of women who would absolutely love an arrangement like that.

[Anonymous]

Just don't tell them you're a virgin and you'll be fine. If they ask just say you don't kiss and tell.

[AlwaysBelieving]

I'm fine with it at my age (36) and you SHOULD be as well. I just figured it hasn't happened yet.

[ElissaDido]

Not a turn off...

[mrsingle]

Good to know 👍

[Anonymous]

It isn't a turnoff... As a fellow virgin, I think id rather have sex with another virgin.

[Anonymous]

Its just an opinion, but what do you actually know about pleasing a woman anyway?

[mrsingle]

I know they like to be touched while kissing, and enjoy when a man holds off as long as possible to cum. Everything else I guess depends on the individual.

[Anonymous]

If you're over 17 then it's a bad thing to be a virgin.

[Anonymous]

if i was approaching that age and still a virgin, i would not hesitate to go visit a hooker or escort

[skullly]

Why?

men are seriously fucking weird. Why would you pay to go fuck some girl that's been done by thousands of other dicks? that's disgusting... especially consierding it's your first. ewk!

[Opinion Owner]

Because to still be a virgin at that age is torture!

[mrsingle]

As much as I want to big HIV risk and creepy.

I've tried online dating just for a fuck partner but again it seems very risky and I haven't gotten the courage to say yes.

[Anonymous]

Not a turn off to me...

[Strider90]

Dude sorry to say that but... forget it. You lost.

[mrsingle]

Why, explain