Korean boyfriend…No anniversary present…no Christmas present?

I'm in a bit of a situation or maybe I'm just being a selfish materialistic girlfriend. My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost a year. The relationship has been the best I've ever had. He talks about marriage and moving in.

He's Korean. We celebrate 100, 200, and 300 days of dating. I'm not Korean. On our first 100 days of dating he completely shocked my pants off and bought me the bag I had been eyeballing for months. I'm not an overly excited person so he was a little worried I didn't like it. Eventually he believed that I was in love with the bag. (Because I was)

On the 200th and 300th day he DIDN'T get me a gift. I rationalized that it was reasonable. We had our first argument the day before the 200th and the 300th I said not to get me anything. I was expecting him to get me a Christmas gift. That wasn't too far away. In fact I even said that to him as well. Secretly though, I thought he still would. He didn't. He said, "You're going to have to wait. I didn't have time."

I leaving the day before Christmas so I thought the days before he might give me my present. He knew I had gotten him one. The night before I left he said he didn't know I wanted a gift. I didn't really know how to respond. I figured it was a given. It's not like he's never dated before. He said he use to buy his last girlfriend designer bags all the time. I know he works a lot. I know he has money. He spent $275 on a gift for MY grandmother's 80th birthday present.

I get home. No present for me.

Today is our one year anniversary. I am not expecting to get anything. I'm expecting nothing but dinner and netfilx. It makes me feel not important. I'm not worth anything to him but the fact that he can say he has a girlfriend. I'm depressed and don't feel like I want to go out for our anniversary. I'm not excited AT ALL.

Is not gifting normal?

  • Stop being such a winy B****
    18% (4)23% (6)21% (10)Vote
  • Give the guy a brake
    5% (1)12% (3)8% (4)Vote
  • He doesn't care
    9% (2)8% (2)8% (4)Vote
  • Brake up with him
    14% (3)12% (3)12% (6)Vote
  • Tell him how you feel
    41% (9)15% (4)27% (13)Vote
  • It's your fault. You should have told him how you felt.
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  • Tell him exactly what gift you want next time.
    13% (3)11% (3)14% (6)Vote
And you are? I'm a GirlI'm a Guy
Updates:
Perhaps I should have added that I bought him presents for each anniversary and also for Christmas.
Thanks to everyone offering advice. I talked about it with him. Apparently he feels horrible that I felt taken for granted and he didn't notice that he had hurt my feelings. It wasn't the price of the gift that matter it was the action. Even if it were just flowers that would have been better than the I'm sorry I was too busy answer. He wants to make it up and re-do our one year anniversary night out. Thanks again!!

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Most Helpful Guy

  • It doesn't have to do with his ethnicity, it's more him as an individual than anything.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • I know a little bit about Korean culture, and apparently Christmas is a period for couples to spend time together, not give presents to each other. He spent a lot of money for your grandma, because in the Korean culture, you're supposed to impress the family of your partner, more so than your actual partner.

    All in all, I think you're expecting too many presents. Far beyond what is reasonable. Instead of the amount of presents, look at the amount of time he spends with you or the amount of time he spends sending you text messages/calling you. If you hardly ever see him or hear from him, then you should talk to him about it. But don't go around demanding more presents.

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    • Thank you. That could possibly be why. He does spend a lot of time with me. He wouldn't do the things he does if he did not care. You are right.

What Guys Said 8

  • The way I look at it, you should only expect presents if you are going to give one back to the other person. Also, it's Asian culture not to give too many gifts, but you sound very materialistic.

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    • I understand that it sounds materialistic. I did buy him one for each anniversary and Christmas.

    • okay, i get. agian, Asian culture does not get gifts for others often. My mom is Asian, and this was the first year I got a present for Christmas from her.

    • Thank you for getting back to me. Maybe that is why. I wish I would have known that earlier then I wouldn't have felt so confused and sad about it.

  • I am not well versed in Korean culture, but "I didn't have time" is an excuse, so I voted he doesn't really care.

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  • "You don't have to get me anything"
    *gets upset when doesn't get anything*

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  • so just because he's in a relationship he HAS to give you presents? okay.

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    • I would think on holidays that would be a given when you are in a relationship.

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    • @Dipsy lol Thanks! That's exactly why I'm confused. I'd be ok if I KNEW we weren't supposed to do presents but each time I get him one his response to me is that he didn't have time.

    • @asker hmm maybe you can do some subtle 'test' to see how much he likes you.
      I don't know how close you both are, so the tests entirely depend on that ;p

  • Get yourself some self-respect, while you are at it.

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    • Are you meaning by telling him how I feel?

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    • I don't hate white people. I don't know how people can be fake…white people…. but yes I will talk to him.

    • Do some serious self-examination, and find out. And yes, Its always best to get shit like that from the horse's mouth.

  • Are you a white, American woman?

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  • Don't you think you're being just a wee bit too exigent with him now?

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    • It probably comes across that way. I thought you were supposed to buy gifts for the 100 day, 200 and 300 day of dating. I did. He did for the first one. The second one we had an argument but I had still gotten him a gift. Then the third one I also got him a gift. Christmas as well. Maybe your not supposed to buy gifts except for the first 100 days? I don't know. His response each time was that he had been busy. Which he is a very busy guy so I understood but it still hurt my feelings because I'm busy too and I found time.

  • He comes from a North Korea with a dictator. What do you expect

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What Girls Said 5

  • I am Korean. I used to think that christmass is not a holiday. But I saw a lot of American people giving present. I like the idea of giving and receiving. I just didn't have money for it. I don't know.. He should know if he was here for a while? I don't know.. All men are asswhore

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  • I NEVER expect to receive material gifts, from anyone, ever.

    Oh, and, I've always thought that "designated gift-giving holidays" are just tacky af, too. I mean, you just can't win, there.

    Totally spontaneous random gifts ftw. If you even do gifts.

    I bought my husband some srsly expensive shit for our 10th anniversary, but that's only because I've turned into one of those sappy heart-on-sleeve romantics who would literally be dead without this love, that I got.

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  • you're not materialistic. i would be feeling weird too. my korean friends get presents from their korean boyfriends on Christmas.

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    • Well I started to wonder if because he's Buddhist is why he didn't think to get me a gift.

  • Dump the zero and get with this hero lol
    encrypted-tbn2.gstatic.com/images

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  • You can politely explain how you feel about this. Talking it out is probably a good idea. They might have different customs than what you expect or are used to. I dated a Korean guy, but we never exchanged gifts (I am okay with this, as I don't really like receiving presents).

    When I dated a Japanese guy, he was telling me that on Valentine's Day, the girl does something really special for the guy, and the guy doesn't buy her anything on that day. The following month is when the guy spends a day doing something for the girl. So it was different than what I am used to.

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    • Thanks! I think you are right. Maybe it is something more along those lines.

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    • ThanksThanks! We talked about it tonight. He said he's going to make it up to me. He didn't know that it made me feel like he didn't care. So we shall see.

    • Ok, that's good!

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