18 and giving up on love and ill never get a girlfriend or get married :(?

I'm 18 in college. me and girlfriend broke up and im very depressed. She was my first girlfriend and i feel like ill never get another girl. I keep relationships on social media such as kissing, etc. I even see that in public. I was lacking experience in relationship and i screwed up because i didn't show enough affection for her and now i feel shitty. She said she still cares about me but i'm like "whatever". Im starting to give up on love because again i KNOW ill NEVER get another girl. Also I know ill keep getting friendzoned, even if i do get another girlfriend i know she'll cheat on me or break up with me. I seriously don't have confidence. I keep hearing people say "Love will come when you least expect it" or "live your life and she'll come" which is bullshit. Even they when they say "It's her loss" when she rejects me, what did she lose? I pretty much lost not her because she can just get another guy and she gets satisfaction from it while im still depressed. I always get bad luck with girls and it's going to be a cycle throughout my life which will lead me to not getting married. Most of my close friends have gfs and i dont and when i see them 2gether it kills me inside knowing ill never have that again. I'm 5'6, shy, play the piano, christian, and im passionte in my music skills but I know girls/women HATE that. Even if they like it, they'll friendzone me because it's not what gets women attracted to it. Im very serious when it comes to relationships and i know ill never find a girl like that! Even if I get a bachlors degree and get a job, I still won't get girl to like me because like I said I give up on love. Until I see some change, I'll always give up because it's pointless at this point and im terrible talking to girls/women. I knw you guys will tell me "Love will come when you least expect it" but i dont believe it. My love life is over and ruined. Those loud and outgoing guys won the battle while I lost so I give up on love. Any thoughts? Thanks!


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What Guys Said 1

  • You're convincing yourself, and as a side effect, other people, that you'll never find love again, that you're not worthy of the attention of females, etc.
    Of course you're not going to find new love, you've sold yourself on the fact that it's impossible.

    You've gotta first believe that it is possible and it will happen, then you'll be ready for it when it shows up. Right now it could be right in front of you, but it sees you moping around all depressed, muttering to yourself about how hopeless you are and rambling on and on about all the reasons why people shouldn't like you.

    Passionate about music skills? Play the piano? Dude, chicks LOVE musicians, and you have the advantage of being able to use your music to attract the girls, and use the piano as a way to overcome the challenge of being shy.

    You gotta work on believing in yourself, adopt the attitude that girls would be LUCKY to be with you, that you have so much to offer, and that your talents are a gift.

    Flip the situation around and say you see a girl who looks kinda cute, does drawings that you really like and think are cool, but she's always looking sad and depressed, rarely smiles (and it looks fake when she does), and any time you get close to her she starts whining about how much life sucks and how she doesn't have any friends, how she's ugly and unattractive (even though you think she's cute), and how hopeless it all is. Would you really want to be around someone like that all the time? Would you really be able to say "Hey, I was wondering if you wanted to go get a cup of coffee with me?" (to which she would reply "Why bother, you'll probably make me pay for mine and yours anyway and then you'll leave me by myself")

    Maybe that example is exaggerated a bit, but do you get the point?

    On the flip side, lets say the same girl is sitting by herself drawing, but she's humming along to the music that's playing in the background and has a casual smile... As you approach, she looks up and says "Oh, hey..." and smiles at you.
    You say "hi" and look at what she's drawing and say "That's a really good drawing, you're a great artist"
    She blushes because she's shy and a little nervous, but says "Really? you think so? I'm not sure I like how this part turned out but it's fun anyway..."
    This time, when you ask her if she wants to grab a snack with you she says "Sure, I guess we could do that... I'm getting hungry anyway, where did you have in mind?"

    Flip the roles again, which guy do you want to be?

    • If only from what you said was true but in reality it doesn't work like that. Girls won't just say hi when you approach them they'll look at you weird and dont say anything.

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    • At some point you have to make the decision that you WILL be happy (if that's actually what you want). You might even say "fake it until you make it". In other words, even if you're feeling shitty and depressed, the next time someone says "Hey, how's it going?" or "How are you doing?", force yourself to smile and say "I'm doing great" or "Terrific!". You might be lying, but a) other people probably aren't wanting to hear you say "I'm terrible" and b) Over time, you will start to shift, it's like subconscious reprogramming.

      Another exercise that works really well is to get yourself a little notebook. Every day, before you go to bed or right when you wake up in the morning sit down and write down 10 things that you are grateful for. If you can't come up with 10, start with 1 or 2, and build up to 10. Start with simple stuff. "I'm grateful for my health" "I'm grateful for the food I have to eat" "I'm grateful for the warm clothes I have to wear" "I'm grateful for the $10 in my wallet"

    • (pt 2) Writing these things down and trying to get to a point where you can write down more than 10 at a time is a great way to start seeing that life really is good, there are good things you have going for you, and compared to some people you have a lot of good stuff going for you. It might seem simplistic or even silly to write down "I'm grateful for being able to see" or "I'm grateful for having clean water to drink", but there really are a lot of people in the world who WISH they could write those things on their list.
      It will get you thinking in a more positive manner, and eventually when you can write down 15-20 things that you're grateful for, you'll probably be more enjoyable for people to be around, more approachable, and your past won't be as much a burden as it seems right now.

      You can write the same things over again from one day to the next, and for each one write "I'm grateful for", this is a subconscious reprogramming trick that will literally change the way you think