Why do I feel this way?

I've had feelings for this girl for about a couple of mounths, and we just recently got together. But it just feels "wrong". But there is nothing wrong! She matches almost all the things i want in a girl, and we are both available for eachother. But i just FEEL like she is not the one. Anyone have any awnswers as ro why i feel this way? Please help...

Updates:
I like her a lot... In fact I've known her for more than a year, and never really wanted to go out with her till recently. Not untill recently I've had this huge desire to kiss her, even tho I wasn't "intrested". But we did kiss and i still like her, but im just scared that im going to like someone else more than her. And the last thing i want to do is break her heart :\
THB the biggest thing that scares me is i know that she loves me... she hast said it. But she dosn't have to... and i am terrified that i will ineviatbly break her heart :\

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Most Helpful Girl

  • As wise as an owl that I feel I am here, dear, I do Get your Drift.. I have been there a few times in my own life and it can cause Strife.
    You may have some feelings and things you both share. However, you are Lacking this Magic Chemistry to Complete the Perfect 'I want in a girl' Package.
    My Best from the Rest is go slow with any flow, nurse and nurture this and see where it might Go. If it is still Not everything that should feel Right, then keep her as a friend till the end, and find someone else who may be the topping to the sweet cake you crave.
    Good luck., xx

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    • Thank you, sweetie, for the upvote. xxoo

    • No prob, i really liked ur post and i apreciate it. I wish that i could give more that one MHO cus coosing just one oppinion is gonna be really hard! Lol

    • I feel you on that one too... Just leave it for awhile and go about your business and then when others have answered and given their own opinion, it's easier then. xx

Most Helpful Guy

  • I think that's human nature. There's a part of us that always wants more, a part of us that keeps saying "What if I can do better?" Not just with relationships, but with almost everything.

    Now, that being said, just because you "feel" that way doesn't automatically make it true. If she is everything you want in a girl, you two make each other happy, and you're both able to date each other, then WHY would you give that up?

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    • I think thats it, im afraid that ill find someone bettter, and i will be tied down qith this girl...

    • Show All
    • Let me ask you this:

      If you were to date this girl, fall in love, then one day come across another girl who is exactly like the girl you're currently dating but has slightly bigger tits or a slightly bigger ass, are you really gonna dump the girl who loves you, with whom you shared many fond memories, and who makes you happy, just to get a slightly "better upgrade" that could be crazy for all you know or who would not feel the same?

    • You're welcome man :)

What Girls Said 44

  • Maybe u aren't mean to b toegtehr..
    It maybe it's just ur mind playing tricks on u... maybe u r afraid she IS the one but ur tryna convince urself otherwise subconsciously.
    It maybe it's a sign. Maybe things will end nadly and u just have that guy feeling that's telling u to run...
    It could b a lot of things... but it also could b nothing at all..
    Like maybe u think it's too good to b true...

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  • You can't pick a girl based off a checklist in your mind of what the ideal is. A lot of it does have to do with proximity and similarity. Those are the first steps, but if the chemistry doesn't prolong after a period time, then it probably isn't right. I have done this so many times where I think a guy would be perfect to date, but the more you get to know someone it will either prove that you were right or you were wrong. Make sure the reason you aren't second guessing is because you have your own personal issues of commitment aside from the particular person you're with.

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  • Maybe you are afraid?

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    • I think that im afraid that there is someone else out there...

    • There will always be someone else if you have wandering eyes.

  • I know exactly what that arbitrary feeling is, and I know it's not something that you can define. I know it's not even because you're being picky; the relationship just feels like there's something wrong, despite everything being seemingly "perfect" or "ideal."

    Oddly enough, I've been in a similar situation. I knew we were really compatible, but the entire time I was with this guy, it just felt wrong, despite us being seemingly perfect for each other. I genuinely enjoyed our conversations/time, but no matter what happened, I was just not comfortable in the relationship. In the end, I had to end it because no matter what happened, this "wrong" feeling wouldn't go away. However, that is not to say you two won't be better off/better suited as friends. I was definitely more comfortable as this guy's friend than his significant other.

    I found that when I asked myself these questions/considered these things, it was easier for me to assess my own relationship & make a decision.
    -Are you physically attracted to her (this sounds ridiculous, but not everyone is w/ someone they're absolutely physically attracted to.) Honestly, can you imagine having sex with her? Is that visualization arousing to you or is it off-putting? I'm not trying to be vulgar, but I asked myself this, and I found that the guy wasn't appealing to me on a physical level.
    -When you're with her, are there moments where you find yourself confused/embarrassed/cringing at something she says/does? Are there moments of awkwardness? Those small things could compound to a bigger issue later.
    -Can you see ANY future with her (also sounds obvious/ridiculous, but being able to even imagine a future with someone is important)
    -Do you genuinely enjoy spending time with her (you said you're both available for each other, but that doesn't necessarily mean you enjoy time spent w/ her).

    In the end, I'd say ask yourself these things, but also to give this relationship a little more time; like, at least another month.

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  • Sometimes when someone is practically perfect for you, you begin to think that something HAS to go wrong or be wrong. I would say, take it one day at a time. I don't think a couple months with someone can determine if they are "The One". If it does, it's oftentimes just lust. Determining if she is the one could take a lot longer than that.

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    • In addition to my comment above based on the added input you supplied, relationships are scary. There are a lot of "what ifs" and since you don't know what will happen down the road, it can be a very scary thing. I really think you need to take it one day at a time as far as feeling like you're going to hurt her. The best relationships come from being best friends with someone, and maybe you're scared that if something happens your friendship will be broken. I say, don't think about it so much and just take it day by day.

      You can't foresee the future, so try not to overthink it.

  • Because you are in denial and do not believe that there could possibly be anyone out there specifically for you.
    Sometimes we just need to just stop overthinking things and just let things simply... happen.

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  • she's not the one! you just said it... thats all.. thats it : )
    GO FIND HER <3

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  • Maybe you're just having second thoughts, or maybe your feeling is right. I think you'll have to give it more time to really find out. If it still feels wrong after a couple more months, maybe you should reevaluate the relationship.

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  • Out of anyone in the world, I can probably relate to exactly how you're feeling right now. Do you know how many times i've gotten into relationships with guys and then just felt like it wasn't meant to be? too many. You get with them and you get this picture of them in your head and it lasts all the way up to when you're about to date and then stays for 1 month-ish. And then you start to doubt and question things, and you wonder if it's actually meant to be. This is called having high expectations. Me having little to no dating experience and no one to talk to about guys who was experienced, I was off to a bad start. So i went into relationships seeing them as one person but then realizing they were another And when they didn't meet my Disney princess love ideals, i was confused why I didn't feel that spark. Some people claim that there is a spark, that you know. And I think that's what you're focusing on right now. Now I don't know if there is actually such a thing as "soul mates" because i've seen "soulmates" leave each other like it didn't even matter to them anymore. So i'd say that if you really did like this girl, give here a chance. My last ex I broke up with because I felt like nothing was meeting my disney princess idea of what a relationship should be like. But being more mature now and looking back on it, I realize how good of a guy I had, and that there was a small spark there, I just was too blinded by my stupid overthinking to realize it was there. So please, give this girl a chance. Go on some dates, have some fun together. Ask her questions about her that you're curious about. Every time I saw my ex, I'd get butterflies in my stomach and I thought that was because I didn't like him. But in reality, I actually liked him an awful lot. So don't make the same mistake as me. And hey, If you give it a chance and you reflect and you still don't see it, then it wasn't meant to be. But i'd rather have continued with someone who I could've been really happy with, rather than laving someone I didn't realize I was happy with. Good Luck. -CE

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  • Then you should end it right now, Don't do that to her or to yourself. If you look at her and don't see a future with her then why would you want this relationship to continue? its a waste of time.

    Sometimes people having feelings of "I would LOVE to be with this person they're everything I want" before you actually are with them, sometimes there flaws or something about this person isn't what you had imagined and just doesn't sit well with you. It happens, just be thankful you caught on it early.

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  • hmm you probably should try dating a few more months before making conclusions... you might regret it later

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  • You need to look at her heart condition... Think about whether she truly is a good person... sounds cheesy, but look at how she cares for others and look at her imperfections.. Just look at her wisely.. I think you subconsciously ain't attracted to her

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    • you are RIGHT!!! i ended up breaking up with her, annd she is NOT a good person, the relief was an amassing feeling, and now i know how it feels when i am with the wrong person :)

  • Maybe there's something you just don't like about her, don't force yourself to fall in love, just be her friend. If it feels (Dark) then it could be lust on someone's side... I feel this way every time I get into a relationship, stop thinking she's perfect, be her friend and accept her faults

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  • Honestly, if your gut feeling is that it feels wrong maybe you should consider ending things because it's not fair to her especially if she begins to fall in love! Sometimes a person can seem like a great catch but if your not feeling it, something else will come that will feel right!

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  • fear of commitment! normal thing.

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  • Sometimes it just doesn't feel right, maybe she isn't the one. Maybe because you have liked her for so long you have kind of "romantized" her in your head. And maybe you wanted her because you weren't with her? Maybe see how it goes for a couple more days/weeks before you make any decitions?

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  • Sometimes you know what you think you want. But your heart is asking for something else or your gut is trying to tell you something that you don't know. Maybe you are ignoring red flags. You don't really know someone in a couple of months.

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  • hmmm... maybe you don't trust her!

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  • its prob just ur natural instincts or ur mind trying to tell u whats best. listen to it, and do whats right for you. when she's around do you light up? do you smile and think of her before you go to bed? do you feel a connection around her? if not, maybe your right and she's not the 'one'. if she's not, just tell her she's an amazing person but you dont feel a connection to her. if you have to, tell her your feelings. i hope this helped!

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  • sometimes you can go into something with the best of intentions, but it just doesn't sync up. it's nobody's fault, but if you want to avoid doing anymore damage, it's best to be upfront with her now, before you're in any deeper.

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  • Maybe she's just not the one. If the connection isn't there, it's not there. Don't wait for it to appear, because it won't. Maybe it's just wrong timing or something. I definitely would recommend not trying to force something to work when you have feelings it won't. It'll only end badly. Sorry this is so negative. hope it helps, if only it's just a little.

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  • hmm you should watch her closely. i had something similar happen. i met this guy who i was PERFECT with we were just 100% compatible, he was like a guy version of me personality wise it was almost too good to be true. it was. i kept having a bad feeling even when things were going good with us, and then out of nowhere sooooo much drama started and it was problem after problem and it was just all so ridiculous

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  • We always says:It's always the best to get nothing
    I have the same feeling with you before, i think i love he, and i want to be his girlfriend, but after we got together, it seems i love he not as much as i imagine.
    So i think this only my wrong feeling, because he is very charming at that time, so i think is my desire to catch him only, not love.

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  • sorry you feel that way

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  • She may not be the one...

    Or you may subconsciously be looking for a way out.

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  • She is just not for you. Move on.

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  • If there's anything at all that may have tainted your opinion of her since you've started dating, that could be a factor. There's also a pretty common feeling you get when you finally "get" the person you've been having feelings for where the excitement & anticipation die down. Are you a person that prefers a challenge? Or would you say you're settled and prefer to be comfortable?

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  • She's just not the one, period.

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  • Sometimes that's just how it is for a while. Give her some time, ok? Figure things out and take a month dating her to decide.

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  • It may sound terrifying, but you should talk to her! If you care about her feelings and want her to be happy you must communicate to her any and all of your feelings. Don't feel horrible, maybe she feels similar but hasn't said? The unspoken is always going to be a mystery.

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  • More from Girls
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What Guys Said 20

  • my feeling is that you built her up in your head while you were still infatuated with her before dating her. you sort of built up this idea of what being with her would be like... essentially you romanticized it.

    now that you are together she doesn't meet that idyllic notion that was created in your mind.

    so the next step is to figure out is she truly not the one for you OR is she actually great but simply not notion built up in your head

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  • Yes I have an answer as to why you feel this way... because picking a person based on a list is a dumb idea. Just because they are the right height, have the right hair color, right weight, likes Star Wars movies, etc, etc is absolutely no indicator if you are compatible.

    Over time everything on that list of your will change. She will get shorter as she ages, her hair will change, her body, her face, that she likes Star Wars... what remains is what she is on the inside.

    By all means have a type but widen that net so you find compatibility over clothing style.

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  • I think you're just scared of having actually find the one.
    Like when you wish for a long time for something, and when you get it, you sort of panic because you never thought it would happen that way.

    Either that, or deep down you have a reason to feel this way and you just think it's not enough reason to let it go, but it bothers you in a subconscious level.

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  • Thats called your gut, and it means something inside of you is telling you this is wrong or that maybe you are just not into her like you thought.

    My grandfather told me many things but the two things I kept close and one of those was this.

    Always listen to your gut, never go against it, god put it there to save you from yourself.

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  • Perhaps what you think you are looking for is not what you really want. Polonius' last advice to Laertes was "To then ownself be true." You must look inward with a fearless and unrelenting gaze and find what is in your heart.

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  • Or maybe you are worried that the relationship might not work or you will get hurt at the end.

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  • Smash the sloot and move on bro.. fck it's not rocket science.

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  • I was in your situation a month ago. My advice to you is to date her for a month or so THEN decide if you want a relationship or not. Most of the times, it won't end happily. For me, I realized that I was just Infatuated with her. As days went on, i realized more and more how incompatible we really are. So I broke up with her and I broke her heart too. So dont do that. Dont take it seriously now. Just date and get to know each other

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  • Could it be that this 'wrong' feeling simply stems from fear of asking her out?

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    • Lol we are already datting, and im scared that the relationship will inevitably end :\

  • Try giving it time. You most likely think that there needs to be an extra feeling when you find the one. However there is no "this is the one" feeling.

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  • There is a need that is not being felt. Was this relationship rushed in any way? Are you with her bc you care for her or bc you just wanted the title of having a girlfriend? Thats what you must ask yourself

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  • it could be something about her personality that isn't so big that you notice at once but will after a while

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  • Keep hanging out with her, you prolly need to know more things about her.

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  • I'm going with "you subconsciously don't think you're good enough for her"

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  • its a subconscious message that you are not compatible maybe, just because you are compatible on paper doesn't mean its going to work

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  • does she shallow?

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  • I think I can sort of relate. I felt that way with this girl and a week later, I realized that I still had feelings for her. I think it just takes time for it to go away.

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  • If this is your first relationship, it is normal.
    If there is some little thing about her that barely matters but you don't like, your brain makes it seem like that is everything sometimes.
    Maybe you feel like you like someone else better on the inside.
    Maybe you just don't feel confident in yourself
    there's a hundred and one reasons why you might feel like that.

    In the end, just trust your gut feeling. If you really don't feel like you want to be with her, just wait a little bit. People who are married gets these feelings for some periods sometimes, but they don't last.

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    • I have had countless relationships before her, but i have never felt the way i do, than how i do with her. but i am still afraid that there is someone else out there who i should be with...

    • Like I said, just wait a little bit and see how it turns out. Your gut is usually right though.

  • Because there is something wrong about you or in your life or both. You expect, unknowingly or not, that she fills that emptiness inside you. You have to find out for yourself what it is. Or you met her in a time you are not ready... for a serious relationship, but you should take responsibility of your decisions, be a man. But it's your choice what to do, just don't blame her.

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    • I was never blamming her. She has done nothing wrong. I just dont know why i feel like we should break up? I like her and everything, but i have this evasive desire to break up...

    • I understand you bro. I was in the same exact situation before. But we're different people, of course. I had thoughts before why. I felt there are still other girls out there, beautiful and cute. I love my ex and I am with her everyday. But I have this feeling that... I can do more. I can't stand it anymore that I finally decided to break up with her. I knew I loved her because even I have this feeling of wanting to breaking up with her, when it finally happened... it hurt me so much, especially seeing the girl who loves me more than everything else hurting too much. It was painful... but I have to find out why I am feeling of breaking up with her. So I did. You see bro, there is no destiny, fate, or the right one... I learned to just be with someone who loves you so much they'll give everything for you. I could start again with another girl, and another story begins. But if I could just turn back time, I would have stayed... stayed with my ex. But I lost her now, and I regret it.

  • it seems like u just can't believe it's true... u find it unbelieveable dat she's perfect in any way... it happens wid most of us...

    i'd find a hard time to beleive it's true as well... if in case i found da perfect gal for me... ;)

    but anyway... it's true wether u believe it or nort... so i migth say... congrats... :)

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