Why is online dating so racist?

I've noticed on sites like okcupid, there's questions like "Would you strongly prefer to date someone of your own skin color / racial background?" and "If you were going to have a child, would you want the other parent to be of the same ethnicity as you?". Literally 80% of white women answer "Yes" to both of these questions. I've also read some studies that said white women only prefer white men most of the time, and rate other races lower. How is this blatant racism happening in 2015? and the worst part, the people who do these studies are saying that racial biases are only getting worse, that every year people are self segregating by race when it comes to love. I often hear people use excuses like "Oh it's just their preference, it's their bodies, their choice". No, these women are just being racist, plain and simple.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • Hate to break it to you but we are all selfish creatures that want the best for ourselves. It's not racism when it comes to wanting a partner you find hella attractive in your opinion. Most people seem to want someone that share common ground with themselves. Often race will play in that common ground. Of course not everyone is like that. It's refreshing to see but less common. The good thing is everyone's tastes is different so there is someone out there for everyone. I honestly don't believe any race is 'better,' people are people. There are good looking and ugly people of every race. I just tend to find my own race more attractive. Of course there are exceptions but it doesn't happen often. Talking to people it seems that way for most people.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • I'm going to play the devil's advocate a bit here, but please know that I also find what you posted to be very disheartening

    in college I dated a girl of Spanish/Italian descent. I'm an African-American. about 3 months into the relationship her mother and I were having a conversation. she said (and i'll try to paraphrase) 'I hope you don't hear this as racism; however I do wish Jen would date a white person. It's not because I don't like you or black people. It's just that I know how hard it is raising a black child or biracial child. I fear what your life and my potential grandchild's life might be like.'

    now I don't think all or even most of those people's profiles have those preferences for that same reason, but it was something I hadn't considered ever. That for progressive tolerant white people (or any race for that matter) they can sort of be against interracial dating because of the potential for trouble and hardship in their family. It's obviously not a reason not to date interracially and really only serves to not progress society if we choose not date between races for that reason... but it was something I'd never considered, and it was a sad reality

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What Girls Said 2

  • Because it gives you a choice to judge. I mean when I look at a pic I seem to study more facial feature or be a little more strict.

    But if I had met the same guy in person, I wiukdbt have focused much on that.

    So in person, I can focus on his character rather than his face.

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  • No. It is a preference. It has nothing to do with racism for most.

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    • So if a woman says something like "I won't date you because you're not the right skin color" or "I won't date you because I want my children to look like me" how is this not considered racism? Those two okc questions above are saying the exact same, just more bluntly.

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    • while this is possible. a lot of racism is hidden with the word preference.

      if someone wouldn't date a certain race, its more likely racism than not.

    • Whatever you say

What Guys Said 14

  • It isn't racism. Just because they aren't attracted to certain enthic groups doesn't mean they think any less of them as people.

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    • If you don't date someone because of their race, then you're thinking less of them because you're not giving them a chance.

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    • @becca123
      Wow, my thought exactly.
      *slow claps*

    • If I don't like girls with unibrows and moustaches, I don't have to date them. I know having those is a choice and race is not, but if I'm not attracted to a girl or I don't feel right with her, I'm not dating her.

  • There seems to be someone, posting 'Anonymously' recently, calling out all kinds of BS as being Racist. Are you the same guy?
    Post like a man, and your opinion, but don't hide behind 'Anonymous'!
    Seems like your posts are just trying to stir up problems, and conflict.
    Nobody else is talking 'racism' but this 'Anonymous'. . .
    Should Homeland Security be checking you out?

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  • What's racist is someone who thinks they are entitled to a certain race of women and then plays the race card when he doesn't get his own way.

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  • Tell me how is that racist and not a preference? Explain cause you just sound bitter.

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  • 90 percent of all want white as a status image thing unless you're white
    30 percent would date an Asian as US propagates, the number remains low despite how well theyre doing in all areas
    10 percent would date a black person unless you're black but many black women won't date black men

    as an Asian, i noticed this too despite being top 15 percent of good looking well rounded Asian American bachelor.

    in real life, i can break these barriers as they realise non of the negative stereo type is on me and i can make their white friends respect and like me.

    i m not gonna lie, white men can be culturally compatible with a wide range of women of many cultures but the white western women can be trash to a lot of men of different cultures.

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  • That's not racist. I can't help whom I'm attracted to. I see it as no different than a person not being attracted to redheads, or brunettes, so on and so forth.

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  • so in your opinion it is racist for white people to stick with their own race which is the most natural thing in life. You're the racist here.

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  • Its honesty, some people get hung up on it, if they are paying money to meet someone, and they do not feel comfortable dating a certain type of person so be it.

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  • HOW THE FUCK IS THAT RACIST

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  • here's a sciencey explanation for ya:

    Basically, our bodies/immune systems are programmed to pick those with DNA/immune systems like ours, but slightly different. The body actually does this through smell. A woman is more likely to pick a guy who has a type of 'scent' that matches the one that she has. A test was done where women sniffed a couple shirts that had been worn, but did not smell bad. These women did not know the owners of the shirts. 9/10 times, they picked the ones worn by their fathers. This searching for similar immune systems is caused by a need to defend against evolving parasites.

    My point: our brains and bodies are genetically inclined to pick people of our own ethnicity.
    (I read an article about this a while ago and I could try to find it if you really want)

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  • Let me guess, you're that black kid who's always whining about how unfair life is. @The_Empty, is it, or something like that?

    Plenty of men and women date outside their race, bro. Plenty. A white female friend of mine just married a black dude, he's as good guy. And this sort of thing happens all the time.

    In general, people like to be around people who are like themselves. Musicians like to spend time with musicians. Painters with painters. Football players with football players. Men with men, women with women. That's how things work, bro. But that doesn't mean musicians hate painters or football players, or any combination of the above.

    Just if you ask the question "would you like to spend time with someone who is like you (and intuitively you're likely to get along with) or not" people will usually choose to be around people like themselves.

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  • There are so many people out there who prefer to date white people but no one calls them racist. Wanting someone because of their race is the same as excluding them - in both cases, your choice is based on race. Whether we like it or not, white is still considered ideal and the reason white women are less likely to date outside their race is because ideal is already within their race. Just look at questions here on GAG, there are so many black girls asking every single day if white guys would like them. Many Asians go crazy for white people too. It sucks for people who are not in the most desired group but I guess we are all taught by the media that white is ideal of good looks and status. You may consider it racism, but we exclude people on so many physical factors - weight, looks, height, facial features - the way a person looks is a part of attraction so all we can do is make the best of what we've got. If a person takes care of themselves, they will be someone's type and there will be people out there looking for what they have to offer.

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  • Whether or not the people answering 'yes' (and I wouldn't be one of them) are racist... is somewhat unclear, or at least people have different views.

    In any case, OkCupid should probably keep asking, so that you can avoid wasting time on white women who aren't open to dating you, and focus on those who are.

    So it's not 'online dating' that's racist. It's that a fair number of people (more women than men) only want to date within their race.

    I'll also point out that while as a group, whites on okcupid were more likely to say they wanted to date other whites, that doesn't mean whites are less likely to interracial date (in fact whites interracial date quite a lot).

    It's that if someone is black, and only wants to date other black people, they probably don't use okcupid. If someone is Asian, and only wants to date Asians, they probably don't use okcupid as their main dating site. There are other sites specifically for those purposes. So okcupid is biased TOWARDS non-whites who are okay with interracial dating. Meanwhile it has the full mix of whites - those open to interracial dating, and those who aren't.

    I think people who aren't interested in interracial dating probably suck in other ways too, so be glad to be rid of them.

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  • The whining in today's people is unreal.

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