He can't afford his rent with out a roommate ! How can I feel secure?

my boyfriend told his friend he can stay a while at his house until he find a place. Now that he won't be getting any money from the state for his little brother being there he told me his friend is going to help pay rent and take the room. My BFs little brother is moving with another family member so my boyfriend won't be getting the help from the state. that money g it for his little brother he used to pay rent. So he asked me if he can move in with me and my mom. I said no I'm not ready to live with u. Partially because I think moving with my mom is the opposite of what we're trying to do here. And I am hesitant in moving with him cus he hasn't show. Me he can do it on his own. Say God forbid I get pregnant by mistak and I need those last 2 months off from work and the next 3 months or so off to spend time with the baby how can I trust him to care for us if he can't even do it now on his own. He makes 2,000 a month. And he has other expenses. Granted if we moved together I would help out and put down money. For example if he put down 800 I would put 400. But I want to feel like I am putting it cus I want to not cus I'm obligated to. I don't know guys am I being spoiled? I live with my mom and she pays everything. She even started paying my car note recently. I love her so much for the help. I work and go to school for a better job to soon move out ! And my ex was so loaded. He didn't even want me working. Just wanted me to spend time with him and enjoy myself but he wasn't the best man to me. My boyfriend now is so amazing besides the financial part. Wen we go out I usually pay for things. Say if he gets tickets to six flags I'll buy the food and parking. It's like we bothe contribute. And he is sometimes broke so we can't get the nicest things in the world and wen I expect him to pay for my gas or car wash he doesn't. And when we go out to dinner with my mom he goes to pay she says NO I got it and he doesn't even put up a fight. To me that's showing that he doesn't mind for my mom to pay for things. I dot. Even feel comfortable with asking her to buy me anything she doesn't enough for me and I think if we had a baby he would go to her behind my back and ask her for help.


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What Guys Said 1

  • For future reference, this is a bit block of text that's tricky to read through, so you will have less people comment and offer help than you would if you formatted your question differently. More comments and thoughts can help give you a better sense of the issue, so it would be in your best interest to make it easy for people to answer. Just, as a heads up in case there aren't a lot of people answering here and you wonder why.

    But, for the actual question...
    I think you are actually being really smart to worry about this. So many people nowadays don't stop and think "what would happen if I get pregnant" or "what would happen if one of us lost our jobs", both of which are reasonably probable events that can happen. Especially to people just getting started.

    The fact that he can't seem to handle 'adulting' on his own is definitely a flag that should cause you pause. Him wanting to move in with you and your mother is not a good sign, and not a good idea. It's an uneven living situation, which will make fights get much worse. And it will have a lot of privacy issues. Living together with an in-law is not the same as living alone together - it's a stressful event and can put some major stress on a relationship. And just the living together thing alone is a pretty major step. One which you are clearly not comfortable with, and that alone should be the biggest sign that you shouldn't do this. If you are already apprehensive at the start, things will get worse, possibly quickly.

    It sounds like he is a good guy, but not really ready for this kind of thing, and I think it's really possible that this could do a lot more damage to your relationship than it would fix. Money issues are one of the most common forms of problems to ruin relationships, and I think that it is a real concern here. Your views on money and your bf's views on money seem to be in conflict, and living together would make that conflict much more damaging.

    You are right to be questioning this. And I think you are right to feel like he would go to your mother for help - he already is trying to get your mother to subsidize his living by trying to move in to her place with you. I would be very hesitant to agree to this if I were in your position.

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    • Yea. And now my mom is treating me bad. She is very rude to me and brings up me moving out with him quite a bit. Now I'm just feeling like she wants me out.

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    • Hell yea. School and me trying to b happy is key. So talking to u helped me so much. I'm going to keep my mom and boyfriend separate for a little. Stay at my moms every other night and at his. See witch place is less stressful. Then after November make a decision of my mom is still being rude I'll stay at my BFs. And that's all I can do. I just got a get done with school so if I want I can live on my own. I'm just going to spend the night at my mom to night wen I get out of work. And just b chill. She prob is going through a lot with wanting to b with that dumb guy. Smh.

    • That sounds like a pretty decent first pass of a plan to me. I think that's a good approach for now. I do think you may want to make the effort to clear the air with her a bit, it sounds to me like she is in a really rough place herself right now, and is probably feeling unsupported. I know it's not really your 'job' to do that, but you seem like a really decent person and I think it's a decent thing to do. To try, anyway.

      But yeah, school and being chill... so important. You definitely have the right idea, and are moving in the right direction. Sorry you have so much interference from stuff outside your direct control. All you can do is try to make the best out of it.

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