First of all, any guy who would give serious thought to being there for your daughter knows that this pretty much means marrying you.
If your daughter were to get attached to the guy like a father, but he didn't end up with you or you ended up marrying someone else, it would probably be worse than if your daughter never knew him.
Don't get me wrong...I certainly think it is admirable that you are putting your daughter first, and I hope you continue to do so. But keep in mind that if you didn't have a daughter, expecting a guy to make this kind of commitment after only being in a relationship with you for one year is a lot to ask.
It is even more to ask to expect the guy to adopt your child without even knowing if he's going to marry you. Even the most altruistic guys would have problems with this. More realistically, you need to look for a guy who would take the child as his own IF you two married. As I said, there really is no sense in the guy acting like a father to your child for a few years, and then you move on to someone else.
I think you want to look for someone who you think would be a good father for your child, but the thing is that unless they're already a father to other children, they may not know it. So I don't know if this guy would make a good father or not...that's up for you to decide, but don't rule him out just because he isn't immediately jumping at the idea. He obviously went quite far with you knowing you already have a child, something that would scare many guys off. Yes, he may be selfish...but a lot of people are...
And ultimately, you are and should be selfish enough to care about your own happiness as well. Don't just jump at the first guy who is willing to be a father to your daughter. Make sure it's a guy who you want for who he is, and who wants you for who you are. As your daughter grows up, she will be better off seeing you in a stable happy relationship. If you don't take care of yourself and your own happiness, you will actually likely end up hurting your daughter. This is not to say that there isn't a fine line of compromise -- obviously, there could be a guy who pleases you but is a total jerk to your daughter. But a guy who does really care about you should also care about your daughter...it's just that it may take him time to realize that.
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Well if he didn't want anything to do with your daughter, then he was in a relationship with you for selfish reasons. I don't understand those people that don't like kids...as if they were never a kid once before! I personally think kids are great! That's besides the point... I'd call and let him know that he did make you really mad and that your daughter is far more important than he is. Beat that last part into his thick skull.
Well, first off, you can't make a man be there for you AND your daughter. I understand you wanting to be with someone long-term that will care and love you both. I'm in the same situation. Only my daughter is 7 months old, and I've not had the chance to find a guy. I'm not really looking for one either. He's most likely scared at the fact you're kind of pushing it on him all at once. Being with someone that has a child of their own and you don't, is a hard situation to be in. It takes time to get used to things and how things are going to be. He obviously isn't ready to fill in where your daughter's dad left. It seems like he wants to be on a "friendly" level. So, if I were in your exact situation and felt the same as you do, I'd try it out as being just friends without pushing anything on him right now. You having a child, makes a lot of guys reconsider dating you in fear that they will get sucked into something they can't control. And, also dating someone with a child, has a lot of emotional baggage that comes along with it. You're trying to make up for what your daughter lacks, and for what YOU want. He might as well be afraid that he will get attached to your daughter, and if something happens, he'll be pretty upset having to leave and let go of not just you, but your daughter as well.
Yeah, definitely call. I mean, if you weren't important to him, why would he call in the first place? He wouldn't. You have been on his mind since you two broke up, and he's been making a valid effort to keep in contact; you have to cut him some slack. He might not be home when you call back, so don't worry about the no answer thing.
Not to mention the fact that it was also you who broke up with him over the phone, so you can't really say that he never cared to begin with. You basically did the same thing, haha.
Keep in mind I'm not on his side, or anything! I just really want you to see that you're both in the wrong, and maybe seem a bit stubborn with each other? Hahaha. Give him a chance, you probably won't get back together any time soon, but have him in your life and allow him to be able to build a relationship with your daughter... let him try, if he's up to it. You never know.
Trust me leave him alone and let him go . I have three kids and was with a guy who wasn't their father for almost two years making a selfish mistake of dating a guy who never wanted kids or marriage all because I was lonely and missed him. Yes he was good to my kids but they ended up hurt cause they got attached. Let his ass go you got the answer you needed that he wasn't ready to be a dady to your baby..my kids father is a serious POS. WHat happened to yours? Friend me if you like...we can chat I so get what your going through cause this just ended between my ex and I a month ago..
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You are missing the sparkle of young love. He does not want to be a father at this moment, and it is something he has been honest about. You have been wonderfully honest as well. It is hard to be a man in another child's life, and you both were very open about the possible outcomes. I agree with the guys and say to not initiate contact with him. He does seem to care about you, but as a friend.
I would also highly suggest getting involved with a social group along the lines of Parents without Partners, and broaden your social horizons.I hope for this outcome with a female I'm interested in. I was all for her kid and her with that kid, but I was shunned. I hope the person and any person she tries/tried with shuns her and puts her off and she comes back to me. I don't want to be with her anymore, as much. I just want to hurt her, I think. We'll see, if and when that happens.
Still, don't hang up on him. You and your kid are a package deal. Make sure anyone you're with knows this when you attempt a connection.It's easy to say you'll never go back when you're not in full contact but re-intialise contact and the past emotions will come back and the part of you that wants to get back will attempt to justify it and unless you're really strong minded you're liable to convince yourself it will be alright. Best to avoid that kind of thing.
I wouldn't call him...if he really wanted things 2 work out with you 2 he would have done it the first time no offense cus I see that your daughter is your number 1 and that awsome that's how it should be but look from her point just like he didn't want 2 get attached you don't want your daughter 2 get attached and then him run out on both of you guys after she is attached I reallly don't think you should call him you sound like a great person who has your head on tight keep it that way
i would say never if he really cared about you he would of answered the phone call when you called him but don't be totaly distane if he says hi to you off the street be least nice and smile at him lol
Wow! Hun ur child is first prioity like you said you shouldn't have to contemplate or reevaluate yourself. If deep down inside you know how he is with ur family how would he be if you had a child together. Would he favour on than the other and be obligated? You should call him to tell him how you feel, even leave a message like him. Don't answer when he calls. But if you love him then...its gonna be hard.
Cut him loose if he can't love your daughter he surely can't love you.
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