What to do? 19 liking a 31 year old?

So there is this guy I've known from work he's 31 and I am 19. I really like him. He's so nice and sweet but sometimes makes me feel annoyed.
Like two weeks ago I told him I likes him. He would text me good morning, text me all during the day. We hung out on Friday night. He told me he liked me but he's not ready to date. We joked and talked the whole night until like 1 am. We held hands etc. We hung out on Saturday and talked. And he kissed me. The next week he wouldn't text me but I would text him and we would talk on the phone. Now it's like he doesn't text me. Like he's avoiding me... even though he's still nice to me and talks to me at work. I think he likes someone else. I mean I'm so young so in all honesty why would he like me? He still does extremely nice stuff for me... like giving me rides home, he's there for me whenever and I mean whenever. He still "flirts" with me.

But I don't know. What do you guys think? Should I just forget about it or what? Would guys that age ever date a girl my age? Why be so extremely nice and give me hope? Is he into someone else?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • He has been extremely nice and given you hope because he likes you. Yes, guys that age would date a girl your age, but not all guys. And that is probably something that this particular guy is struggling with. His hot and cold could be interpreted as a sign that he is thinking about someone else. That's a reasonable assumption. It may not be true, but it could be. It could also be that he just got busy, or things have been happening in his life, or that he is wondering if you and him actually would work and what would that mean. Could be lots of things. Guys are very different, and they react differently to an age gap.

    Don't think that it is an impossible thing though. That's almost the same gap as my partner and I had when we started seeing each other. She was 19, I was 29. We have been together 11 years now, and have outlasted hundreds of relationships by people around us that were closer in age. A large age gap isn't a deathblow to a relationship. A large age gap isn't a magic bullet that will make a relationship work. It still comes down to compatibility between people. Everything you've been saying about this guy would apply equally to a guy that was 20 - a 20-year old could do all the same things, and have all the same reactions. He could show interest one week and a lack of interest the next. That part isn't age dependent.

    Him saying he is 'not ready to date' is not a great sign, but may not be a dealbreaker. The thing is, the best way to know what he is thinking is to talk to him about it. He knows what he is thinking a lot better than anybody on GaG does.

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    • What if I feel like he's talking to someone else. Someone older like 25-26?

      I mean he doesn't even text me or text me back but when I call him early in the morning like 3:00 he comes to my rescue.

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    • I will back off a lot. It will help me in the end. Yes I don't want heartbreak... it will do me good to move on from him. And just think of him as a friend

    • That's the best long term solution. It will be hard. You'll find yourself thinking about him a lot, I think. But you need to move on, or else things will get a lot worse. And if things develop later, cool. And if they don't, cool.

      A key thing to keep in mind when trying to move on from someone is making sure to kill the little 'hope' nub that will form in your head. That will be a little thing that is in the back of your head saying 'move on, but it will maybe work out later and we can be together in the future'. Because that little voice is what blocks your brain from really letting go. It's the hardest thing to do, but it's why people find it so hard to move on sometimes. They refuse to kill the 'hope' of something working in the future, and can therefore never get past the present.

      Good luck with this. It will be hard work. But you can do it, and will be stronger for it.

Most Helpful Girl

  • He doesn't want to date, so you're probably just a harmless fling.

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    • Any way to change that. Or am I stuck?

    • You just have to find someone else?

What Guys Said 7

  • men who cannot date within their own age group go down a notch until they get a girl they can date. A girl i dated in high school dated a 35 year old man, and soon after he showed his true colours and was abusive and possessive of her. Its not hard to hide who you are when you're not exposed to someone for a truly extended period of time. Find someone else! But that being said my grandparents have a 12 year difference and they've been married for 50 years! So do what you think is right, but be cautious!

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    • I've known him for a year and he talked to girls 25- 29 the ones he told me of. He said I was the youngest he's ever talked too at his age. He said it was because I am mature for my age. I might be 19 but act 24/25. Before he was being lovey dove with me and all romantic... now he only talks to me at work but barely. He offers me rides home all the time though
      Never text me back when I text to him now. I see him treating thsee two other girls at work the way he used to treat me. She's 26 I believe... but it feels like after a year I've been replaced I truly have feelings. He's not reciprocating them

    • i am sorry to hear that! you sound like a very lovely person! Perhaps you should just move on? He seems to have found a girl more close to his age and he seems more interested in them then you. He should be more sensitive to you and not flirt with those hussies in front of you!

    • Thanks i try to be :). Move on... sounds easier said than done. I will try though to move on. I mean if he flirts I don't mind because you like who you like but tell me you don't like me instead of just leading me on. Saying you like me and you would date me if you were dating but never talk to me.

  • He might been told by other friends about the age difference , and got scared... Just prove age means nothing

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  • There has to be something seriously wrong with a 31 year old if he wants to date a 19 year old, just saying.

    Anyway, the age gap is way too big, I honestly dont understand how you can't see that.

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  • i dated a 20 yr old when i was 31. so its the same as your situation.

    she felt like an empty vessel to me. couldnt take me there emotionally or intellectually. we fooled around a bit and it was done with before we took a step.

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  • He can see the child in you. In his mind he wishes you were more mature so he's riding the fence so to speak. He wants you but you don't fit the bill.

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  • I don't know. do what your heart tells you

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  • Game on! Do you think he's attracted to you?

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    • He says he is. Acts like he is.

    • Ever catch him checking out your body when he thinks you won't notice?

What Girls Said 1

  • "from work"

    Work is not a dating pool, it's a place to earn money and be professional and respectable. If you ever want a promotion I would drop this immediately tbh.

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