Why has my boyfriend already brought up money? Is this a bad sign? Where to go from here?

When I went on the first date with my boyfriend which was expensive, over $100 which were tickets to a show. He had pre ordered it. We had a meal each which was included and where I live water is not free, so I bought bottle water. When we went to the checkout, he said "do you have money for the water?"

Couple of weeks later. He messaged me asking what my expectations are of him, and then he said "It's about money. For dates would you expect me to pay all the way. Because it's only customary for the guy to pay for the 1st date"

Then I replied saying I would contribute. He replied with "Thank you! That's the answer I was hoping for. Because tbh I can't afford to pay 100% for all dates with my current salary"

I currently don't have a full time job as I'm a uni student. I then said "I don't even have a proper job currently so it's probably smartest if we do things that involve not spending. I do not mind contributing however if I am invited and then expected to pay (for example my own movie ticket) I would feel insulted"

His reply was "I don't mind paying a bigger portion e. g. 80%, all I'm asking is you contribute some"

He's Asian and as far as I am aware, most men pay for women. In fact, almost every date. I was told by my previous ex Asian boyfriend that generally speaking, the woman NEVER pays on any sort of date in his culture. I live in Asia, not America for those who immediately assume. He's not an American Asian in any shape or form.

When it comes down to it, I do not mind paying but I am offended by how he asked me (over text) and then booked for us to go to see a movie (more cost) and then texts me a few days beforehand talking about money and that he expects me to contribute. I've never expected him to pay for me and previously in my dating life I have always offered and the man has refused.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • ... Am I missing something or is the first paragraph you complaining about having to buy you own bottles water after he had spent over $100 on the date?

    Then you pulled that "whoever planned the date should cover everything" excuse Because you probably don't expect to plan anything

    Then after stating that you don't mind contributing money, you just go on about how you've never contributed money for a date

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Hmm i'm not sure, I totally understand contributing, or when its a special day for him you pay for it. However If you've already stated maybe you shouldn't go places that required a lot of spending since you're not exactly in a stable job due to school, and he did that-- that kind of stinks. Every relationship is different, my last I paid more than he did towards the end and my current one, sounds unreal but I've never paid for anything, except maybe if he wasn't with me and I was bringing something.

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What Guys Said 3

  • i dont see a problem with anything he did

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  • He might not have the money to take you out like he said. Ifbitbisbthat big of a deal, why continue to date him? It sounds like this is early on in the relationship

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  • kid got balls of steel.. thats for sure.

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What Girls Said 4

  • I think he's being perfectly reasonable. He said he can't afford to pay for everything for you, which I feel he's being honest about, and you should understand being a uni student. I think he's just being straight up because he's likely had girls who expected him to pay for everything. Welcome to equality.

    Mind you, it would have been better if he brought this up a little more gently, but other than that, I think he's being reasonable.

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  • So he pays over 100$ to take you out on a date and you're complaining about having to buy your own bottle of water? Be grateful that he spent that much on you for a date, a lot of guys wouldn't. I think that whoever invited the person on the first date pays, however you always offer to pay at least half. Guys having to pay is bullshit and sexist as hell. Either go 50/50 with payment (e. g. buying your own movie ticket) or expect a guy to pay for everything and limit the amount of people willing to do that. I would expect anyone to at least offer to contribute on a date, lord knows I'm not paying for them all, neither should he. I think it's perfectly reasonable him making sure a few days before that you were able to contribute. If you don't want to spend money on dates, then go for a walk or to the beach.

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  • Nah this guy is weird - please let this go.

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  • I don't see anything wrong with contributing to the bill if it was a super expensive date, and it's nice that he's only asking for a little bit. I wouldn't be too concerned, it would be far worse if you were in a predicament where you went somewhere and didn't have enough money to pay at all after the fact.

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