Said some horrible things, she told me she loved me (for the first time). What to do now?

I've been dating a 32 year old divorcee. I'm also 32. We've only been dating for two months but we both caught very serious feelings quickly. We had a tense conversation about other people a few weeks ago. We both said neither one of us were interested in others but stopped short of making it official.

The other night I met her and her friends out. At one point I saw Tinder on her phone, with a notification, after she deleted her account. I got pissed and left.

She spent the next two hours or so calling and texting me non stop, swearing it was just to make her feel better and she hadn't been with anyone else since our first date. I believe her now but didn't at the time. I was livid, I was hurt, and I felt like I had been lied to. I said a few things to her that I now regret, but at the time I was done with her and wanted to hurt her.

After a couple of hours of her crying on the phone, telling me she loved me several times (neither of us had said that yet), asking if I loved her (I didn't answer), that she had been falling for me and was scared, telling me she only wanted to be with me and be my girlfriend, and telling me she would delete or block whoever I asked her to, I went to her place. I don't remember why but I left, came back, and left again. She kept texting through 5 am, still telling me she loved me. I fell asleep around then and woke up ar 8:30 to texts around 7, and one at around 8 saying she was blocking my number. I texted her at 8 and we went back at.

Conversation continued until around 11:30 until she went to work. We talked on the phone later and she said she couldn't be in a relationship. I texted her an hour later basically saying I was sorry for what I said and I missed her and finally saying I loved her too. She responded with only an emoji. I told her I didn't want it to end. Same emoji response. I told her I'd back off and wait, and said sweet dreams.

That was last night. What's going to happen now? What's she thinking? What should I do?

Maybe 20 minutes after I posted this, she texted me saying "kinda stinks not hearing from you." We talked for a bit, and then the following day (yesterday), we kind of got into it - not fighting, just discussing things. She told me she didn't have the energy to work on another relationship, that she didn't like my anger (even though every conversation since then has been perfectly calm and fair on both sides). Now she keeps texting me as if nothing happened but occasionally telling me she's sad.


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What Guys Said 1

  • Your foul attitude may have been the end of this dude. Only time will tell what will happen here. If you honestly have feeling for this woman you should stay in contact with her so to show that your not gone from her life. Good luck

    • Not trying to be defensive - but would you really be okay with seeing that? I had to edit out some of the details but she told me weeks before that she deleted her Tinder account, so this felt like I had been lied to and I was overcome with anger and pain.

      Just to update - I posted this in a pretty gloomy emotional state, thinking I'd never hear from her again. But she wound up texting me a half an hour later saying "kinda sucks not hearing from you today," even though I told her I'd back off and wait for her. Convo went okay but understandably a bit awkward. I want to give her the space she needs but want to make sure she knows I'm her. Just don't know how to go about it.

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    • In all honesty not setting a set of ground rules leaves to much to chance , and to many open doors that crap can creep in

    • Yeah, I figured that out - not setting boundaries and expectations fueled this. And yes, she thought I was seeing other girls. She gave me many reasons for being on Tinder - to spite me because she thought I was messing around (which I wasn't), as a confidence booster, because she was falling for me and was scared, etc.

      She told me on Saturday on the phone and yesterday in a series of texts she wants to end it because it's too scary for her. And yet she keeps texting me like nothing happened. She will, however, occasionally throw in a reference to how upset she is about us - that she broke up with me - calls me "love," sends me pictures of what she's doing at work, etc. Not sure what she's going for there or how to play it.