I got upset with my boyfriend for not including me in plans?

I feel like such a needy loser right now. 😔

My birthday is coming up and I was pretty sure my boyfriend forgot. I didn't want to just take my chances and risk having nothing to do on my birthday. So trying to decide if I should spend it with him or my girl friend who has a birthday right before mine I texted him to see if he was going to be around on X date or should I make other plans?

He was basically like whatever don't let me get in the way of your plans which came off a little snarky. He eventually realised it was my birthday and apologized saying yeah let's do something I have plabs but can cancel them.

To which I asked what plans? He has a dinner party with friends. This is when I begin to get really upset because I don't understand why he didn't invite me to come along with him.

we've been dating for 6 months I've met several of his friends and always get along with them but I still usually only see him for one weekend night (I do see him during the week).

Before re now I just figured he was doing something with the guys or noncouples. So when I find out he has plans to something that he totally could have invited me to it really hurt me. He said he just found out but this is something they do every year so I doubt it.

Am I overreacting? Sometimes I feel like I'm just a filler.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • I don't think you are overreacting at all. Your feelings are justified and I think you should find a new guy. This one doesn't really care about you.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • I feel like you have a right to be a little hurt. If I was with a guy and he was planning on going to a dinner party (which I would love to go to btw!) I would be kinda bummed I didn't get an invite.

    I would probably also think he wasn't that serious about me. But you two have only been together for 6 months. That's not a whole lot of time and maybe he truly forgot about your bday. That sucks, but it could be that he didn't invite you because he might have some unsavory friends there. Maybe he thinks you will think differently of him for these friends.

    We all have those types of friends. The one's we kind of cringe when we think of introducing them to our SO's. They may not be bad people. But they just bring out things in us that we would rather forget. Wild nights, too many drinks, or who knows maybe they will talk about his old flings?

    If I were you, I would talk to your boyfriend. Let him know you are kind of bummed he didn't invite you. But try to be okay if he doesn't take you. Don't make him feel obligated, because he's not.

    Both people in a relationship should have things outside the relationship which are important to them. You have a really great idea by going out with your friend who has a birthday around the same time as you.

    Hopefully your boyfriend isn't cold and clueless and will do something nice for you to celebrate your birthday. Even a nice text message or take a night out during hte week to celebrate with you.

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What Guys Said 10

  • I don't think that you are over-reacting. At this point in a relationship, you should feel like you are a priority in his life. . . but his behavior says that you are not. Talk to him about feeling unimportant and see if it makes a difference in his behavior.

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  • I think you are over reacting. He didn't start planning for your birthday when you think he should have and are acting passive aggressive by now excluding him under the premise that you don't want to make him spend time with you when he really doesn't want to. Just because he had something else planned doesn't mean that you aren't important to him, and it is unfair that you are punishing him by now telling him he isn't allowed to be with you on your birthday.

    I understand you being upset, but this is literally the first birthday he would have spent with you as your boyfriend. It isn't unreasonable that he needed to be reminded about your birthday. Some people just aren't good at remembering that sort of stuff and you need to learn to accept peoples weaker traits instead of expecting them to become something they aren't.

    Now you are trying to act like he is trying to exclude you from his group, even though it makes way more sense that he would have thought you would prefer to spend the day with just the two of you instead of just tagging along at some place you really don't want to be, but that he was already planning to go. When a guy takes a girl out we have to take all sorts of things into consideration, such as what do we think the girl will have the most fun. Going to hang out with his friends on your birthday, isn't something most girls are going to want to do.

    If he just found out that about something he does every year, this tells me that he is just one of those people that aren't good at remembering birthdays, and anniversaries and needs to be reminded. So this really seems to be a common theme in his life even when it is something he enjoys doing. Not everything he remembers or forgets has to do with how much he cares about you. You can't read too much into this one thing, and instead need to look at the relationship as a whole.

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  • well I get your frustration. but don't get angry he didn't invite you to the dinner with his friends. in relationships people need and should be allowed to have a life outside the relationship and thus going to dinner with friends once in a while should be expected and supported

    since he's offered to change his plans I would either take him up on that, OR tell him maybe we can just go out the next night or sometime soon and then you can make plans with your girl friend

    are you overreacting... I'd say no. it's natural to feel the emotional sting of someone overlooking your birthday. But try to forgive and move past the anger and come up with a plan

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  • I wouldn't get too angry over it. Sometimes, guys just want times with guys, and that goes for girls too. Because my girlfriend and I are very busy, we only see each other every other week if we're lucky, and when we do, I always offer to bring her friends (I'm close to her friends as well) too, cause I understand she barely has time to see them much less me. He canceled his plans for you, so I wouldn't be too upset about it. I'm sure there's been instances where you just wanted time with JUST your friends too, and that should be understandeable from both parties of a relationship.

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    • No I understand the guy time that's why I'm like whatever if we only see each other once in the weekend. The thing he didn't invite me to is an early Thanksgiving dinner with couples and single people. There's really no good reason not to invite me except that for whatever reason he didn't want to.

      Oh and he isn't canceling his plans. I told him to go without me and I'd spend my birthday with a friend. I'm not going to have a good time on my birthday knowing the only reason he is there is because I made him.

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    • He said he would if I wanted him to which is totally weak. I don't know what his deal is. He's been upset about something but won't tell me what other than to say it's not with me.

      There's no way I'm going to enjoy my birthday if I have to tell him yes, cancel your plans and where to take me after having to clue him in that my birthday is next week after telling him several times when he asked when my birthday was.

      I wish I would have just let him forget about it.

    • Yea, he doesn't seem enthused to give up his plans for your birthday. That would make me mad too! I'd definitely make my girlfriend's birthday on my priority list. I'm sorry that you have to go through this. Seems like you guys need some space and time away from each other for a bit. I hope this all works out for you!

  • Let me explain. Girls remember every little detail. When they met their boyfriend ad all tat stuff. We don't. That's why guys forget birthdays anniversaries and stuff. We value other stuff much more. It may not feel too great but don't get upset about this.

    He could have included you with is plan but he doesn't have to. When you became a couple did not mean you became a Siamese twin. Personally I think it's very healthy for two people to have separate lives. Guys need that space. It doesn't mean he doesn't appreciate you or loves you any less. He just wants to be with his friends. Let him be or you'll suffocate him.

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    • He goes with his friends all the time and I really don't care. In the past month he went to two three day music festivals and stayed at my place but I only went one day and didn't really see him and that's cool. He also went out of town won friends cool, drove him to the airport.

      But a Thanksgiving dinner get together? Sorry that's my line we are either in a relationship or we aren't. We will both be I. Different cities for the actual Thanksgiving and there should be no reason why he wouldn't want to include me in this. Yes he can do what he wants bit when what he wants is to not include me in something like this that's it- I'm done, goodbye.

      I'm moving on to someone that will want to be part of my life and me theirs. You totally right though he is free to do as he wants and unfortunately we just have different ideas of what a relationship is.

      My only comfort is that he is like this with all women. He just does not respect or understand women. He hates his friends wives... smh

    • Maybe he doesn't realise how you feel about things. And maybe you don't realise how much you mean to him. Instead of leaving him why don't you just talk to him? These things can be solved in 10 minutes max.

  • like most things in life, this is complicated.

    He was wrong because he forgot your birthday and that's a shitty thing to do.

    He was in the right for wanting to meet with his friends alone. Partners are great, but 'everything in moderation' applies to people too.

    I'd say that, overall, he might not be paying enough attention to you, especially after 6 months. What do I know though, in 17-year-old-dating-land 6 months is an eternity

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  • Id be frustrated that he forgot my birthday but I don't care that he wants to hang out without me. It's healthy for couples not to do everything together.

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  • What's wrong with being a needy person anyway, geezzz...

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  • Sometimes men just want to do things on their own

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  • 1) birtdays dont mean shit they are a ridiculous celebration.
    2) you are too needy and prideful
    3 he might be embarassed of you

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What Girls Said 8

  • I don't think you are over reacting! Its perfectly reasonable the guys is trying to not let you in the group! He is a jerk in my eyes!

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  • Forgetting your birthday isn't a good sign. Not wanting to include you in his group isn't a good sign. Yes, you both need your own lives, but a dinner party doesn't sound like a "guy time." He's not acting like he cares about you. Sounds like he's all about himself.

    His offer to cancel and spend time with you is the only positive sign I see, but he will probably be resentful.

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  • I'm really questioning why he didn't tell you/invite you to the dinner party. That's no right. Are you two exclusively dating? Are you all in the same age group as the other dinner party guests and your BF? This is really uncool unless it's all a big sharade to plan a secret birthday thing for you. i would also be very upset. Sorry. And happy birthday❤️

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  • I don't think it's a big deal. I mean even though he did forget your birthday, he apologized and said he can cancel his plans to spend time with you on your birthday. Guys can be hopeless with dates. Don't be so harsh on him. The way you feel is rational so it's not like it's overreacting or anything along those lines.

    He can go to the plan he already made (if you are perfectly fine with that) otherwise he will be with you on your birthday.

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  • Is it something they do at the same exact time every year? He very well COULD have just found out if the date isn't a set date. Chill.

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  • no your not over reacting he should include in plans

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  • dump him he isn't worth your time

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  • oh fk. I know how you're feeling. It really sucks. Being the one in the relationship that wants to spend time together than the other. Thats me lol. But this is your perception. You can choose to feel this way or, think about it. Maybe instead, try spending time with your own friends. I mean even though y'all are dating, you still have you're own space and friends. You dont have to hang out 24/7. Try to find things you like to do with other people/yourself. This is what I did, and it stopped bothering me. (basically I got some life of my own and stopped being too attached) Or if not talk to him about it. Hope i helped lol

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