Convos with guys always fall flat online, how to prevent this?

So since I can't seem to meet anyone interesting irl I have decided to join a datingapp. But what normally happens when I start chatting with a guy is that the convo falls flat and we never plan a date.. even the time s when I feel like im making a little effort.

So any advice on how to keep convos interesting enough to actually get a date out of it?


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Most Helpful Guy

Most Helpful Girl

  • I online date, and I don't have this problem. My advice is to stay interesting. Don't ask him polite, small talk style questions like you're at the water cooler at work. Do respond to what he shares with interest. Do bring up a new, fun topic if he seems to be running out of things to say. He doesn't want to do all the work.

    Also, don't be too eager by ALWAYS answering right away. You do have a life outside online dating, and you don't want him thinking otherwise.

    End all of your conversations with a genuine compliment. Just pick something he said that stood out to you in a good way, and say what you thought of it. Flattery is your friend.

    Tbh, though, I stop answering if he doesn't ask for my number in 3 days and a date by the end of day 5. If he's not making moves, he's not that interested.

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What Guys Said 11

  • Pretty much the only times that happens to me when Im talking to a girl is when they really dont seem interested in the conversation at all, or if they are making no effort and expect me to completely carry the conversation. I dont really mind messaging girls first and carrying the conversation a little bit, but when it feels like both of us are making an equal amount of effort, thats the conversations I enjoy the most.

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    • Well im asking questions back and I give full answers so its not like they gave to do everything ir anything

    • Then I honestly dont know, you might just be boring.

  • Don't just answer questions, share something interesting and new. Also, don't spend too long chatting - you need to plan a date fairly quickly before one of you gets bored.

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  • I'm not sure. If it's a dating app, they're not looking for sterling conversation through messages. The only thing I can think of, is that it seems to them you're really uninterested. I'm not sure why that would be, but it's the only thing that makes sense. I mean, some guys probably just want to get laid. They wouldn't be put off by bad conversation.

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    • I dont know why I even bother. . No one seems to like me :/

    • It's really not that they don't like you. They probably don't think you like them, which is a very common scenario for guys on dating websites. I doubt most of them are better at conversation than you are.

    • I have a question. Is it possible you're just not reading them correctly? Maybe you're too sensitive to being rejected, and you feel as though they don't really want to talk to you when they really do. Then you lose interest, and your fears become a self fulfilling prophecy.

  • Maybe make more effort more often. If giving just a tiny bit of effort, only sometimes isn't getting you the results you need, perhaps you should stop expecting the other party to do all of the work.

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  • meet the right guy.

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  • Stop being boring, stop writing one liners, actually ask some questions

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    • Thats what im doing!

    • Not sure then. Some guys are just like girls and only use online dating as time wasters

      Was just talking to this girl who seemed really interesting and we had a ton of things in common but she just would not say anything, would go into any kind of detail, and wouldn't ask any questions, so I just gave up on her

  • Let's practice :p

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  • "When and where do you plan on taking me out?" Anything other than a straight answer move on. -Done.

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  • I don't know. Message me and well figure out what your doing wrong

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  • you should just date me just give me ur number

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  • I'll date you ;)

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What Girls Said 5

  • I have this problem too. I give guys like 5 directions to take the conversation and they take exactly none. I just figure they're a dead loss and move on.

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    • Its even more annoying when the initiate the convo.. I do expect them to make a better effort.. yeah, its a two way street, but I never start a convo without trying to make it flow

    • Exactly. I totally sympathize.

  • You gotta put some shit up on your profile about stuff you can talk about for a long time with no shame. Like I put up a profile once and was like, "Best STAB move for a hazardsetter" or something like that. I think one time I put up questions from a GRE subject exam and was like, answer correctly 8/10 and almost everyone that messaged me we talked about bio and shit. Was pretty cool, I made some good acquaintances.

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  • Just ask him for a date! then when you go on it date it will just flow.

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    • Bit when they are barely making an effort when we are Just talking I assume they aren't interested. . So no point asking them out

    • I guess you are right! Why waste such a nice day on someone who doesn't value you.

  • if the guy is making it fall flat... it just means he isn't interested... so find a guy who is interested in talking to you

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    • Bit why do they message me if they aren't interested?

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    • if they message at first but doesn't continue talking... either cause they were interested initially and aren't anymore or are just bored.

    • What is it about me that makes guys lose interest? :( by the way I dont expect you to know why lol

  • Best advice? Forget guys and hook up with a ladie ha ha

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    • I dont want a hook up though

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    • A normal convo would start off with the guy saying hi, i'll say hi back, he'll ask me about my day or what im up to, i'll tell him and ask him etc. And I always try to ask questions and give full answers and jobb around a little... so it depends on the guy.. if he's really cute i'll do the things I mentioned, but if he is only "meh"(like most guys in dating apps) I might not be so talkative I guess. . Maybe I suck ass at this lol

    • Its hard to find people you just connect with these days. I've not really had problems on dating sites... I dont know what I do, mabie I am on the wrong ones. But I normaly get flooded with complements from guys who just want to chat and though I haven't had a date with anyone I feel like I could totaly get one if I wanted. Not blowing my own horn or anything :3

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