Help boyfriend with debt. Yes or no?

So the guy im currently with, he is in a lot of debt. To be exact it's $5000 from a year ago when he lost his job. Instead of paying it off when he got a job he just pushed it off. Now they call him and bug him everyday and he is stressed about it to the max. The other day he asked me if I could help him and pay it off so the interest would stop, and he would pay me back. I know he would, but it's fustrating seeing him going out and using the extra money he does get a month on him ( going to the bar, going out to eat, cigs, birthday Vegas trip $200). The other day I even bought him groceries cause he didn't have enough money, and I eat there sometimes. Should I help him out, or make him pay for it himself?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • make him pay it. i would've said you should help pay and him have an iou loan for you, but if he goes to the bars and shit and still spends money like that, then he needs to learn to get his priorities straight. also, cigarettes are a big money pit... and gross. he's probably spending more on that per week than food.

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    • He spends $80 on cigs a month!

    • that's actually not too bad. i know people who can smoke a pack a day

    • but it's still a gross habit (no offense if you smoke too)... and if you think about it, 80x12= 960 a year. that's already 1/5 of his debt he can cut out right there alone. also, stuff like coffee is a big money killer. and always buy in bulk (dat costco budget doe).

Most Helpful Girl

  • NO! Do NOT help him, don't do it! If he can go out spending then he cam repay what he owes, $5,000 is not that much in the grand scheme of things.

    If you help him he won't change and he will do this again, how is he going to pay you back if he can't pay the debt back? Nope, please please please DO NOT lend him money.

    Sit down with him and help him work out an affordable amount to pay back, an amount he won't struggle to find. That is the best thing you can do, giving him cash won't help. He needs to understand cause and effect. He needs to spend less so he can live on what he earns.

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What Guys Said 21

  • Absolutely NOT!

    If he was sacrificing his own fun to pay down his debt, and doing EVERYTHING he could to minimize his expenses to pay it down, and still needed some help, then, sure, you could help him out.

    But he clearly isn't interested in sacrificing his own desires, and would rather you sacrifice for him. That's wrong, and if you do it, you are only enabling his poor behavior and bad decision-making - plus, he WON'T make paying you back any more of a priority than he's making paying back his current debt.

    He got himself into this situation, and he needs to get himself out.

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  • It's one thing to help him out, it's another to help him out when he's spending lots and lots of money on such things (but keep in mind cigs are addictive, so he may be screwed there unless he can kick them).

    How willing is he to make a budget and stick to it? If he can do something like that, I'd be more tempted to help... a little bit... and see how he does with it, assuming I had liquid cash I could stand to lose.

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    • And if he says he'll keep a budget, pay you back etc, and you help him out with a little bit, and he doesn't keep his budget... well, in the grand scheme of things, it's a cheap way to know you don't want to be in the relationship ;p

  • If you pay his debt he will likely accumulate debt again unfortunately. I personally think him asking you to pay his debt is a bad character sign. You don't know that he will pay you back like you're assuming.

    If his debt is a problem for you or if you're concerned, I would let him know that and let him know you want him to prove he will pay it back and learn to live according to his income. If you want to pay his debt to calm his anxiety, unfortunately like I said he will probably build debt again and not pay his debt to you.

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  • Don't help pay your boyfriend's debt. There is no guarantee that he will pay you back. Just tell him that you don't have enough money to help.

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  • Sounds like a deadbeat. Make him pay. Better yet leave and pursue someone with a future as bright as yours

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  • If you help him, you are an enabler.

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  • That's a massive red flag if he's desperate to get you to pay his debt off if he is still blowing money on bars vegas and cigs.

    Honestly no I wouldn't help. If they were honestly doing everything they could to pay off their debt putting all the money they have left over after groceries and rent to pay it off yes I would help them out because they really are trying and they deserve some help. But he's not trying at all.

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  • I wouldn't help him. It just encourages his bad behavior in needless spending.
    If you want to help then, help him set a budget (which he should be responsible enough to make on his own).

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  • Don't give him $
    Have him work out a deal with debt collectors to re pay a small percent on a payment plan.
    He can get a loan and put all debts into one payment. And not even close to what they want paid. They deal and take a small percent. Better a bit or nothing.
    Dont risk it !
    If he can re pay he can re pay them himself.
    U worked hard for the money. Don't toss it away.

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  • Make him pay for it himself. This is to test him if he is financially capable enough for you to spend your life with him.

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  • Love means you should help him but also make him realise the fact that he must need to clear the debt. Asap, and he must decrease his needs to the minimum until the debt is clear. At difficult times loved one needs to give support, moral support as well, but also make it sure if he change his habits, if kant change then better to talk directly and take a rigid decision of not paying even a penny for him.

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  • If he use those money for fun an nob saving it to pay his debt, how is he gonne be ablw to save up to return it all back to u? How silly if u lel

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  • No, don't help.

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  • make him pay it himself. he needs to learn responsibility.

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  • make him pay it off

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  • Make him pay for hmself e mght grow overdependent

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  • If he's not trying it kinda sounds like he's gonna use you or he's just waiting for you to pay it off so he does nothing

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  • NO! that is the biggest red flag. get a man that can keep up with the bills

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  • Honestly don't b a fool.. he'll end up breaking up with u n u can kiss those 50000 good by

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  • Don't.
    If you help him out, he'll owe you 5000$ which you won't see maybe ever again haha.

    This guy obviously can't handle finances, he needs to grow up. Let him fall on his ass. You're not doing him or yourself any favors by enabling his dumb behaviour...

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  • You're his girlfriend, not his banker. Let him take care of it. Do you really want to be with such a deadbeat anyway?

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What Girls Said 13

  • i personally would help a little, but definitely not a lot, because he's clearly very irresponsible with the way he spends his money. that kinda behaviour shouldn't b spoiled. if u contribute too much, he's gonna get used to the idea of 'my girl got it' and he'll continue being dumb with his spending, resulting in u keep paying and him not being able to pay u back.

    help him, of course he's ur man, but dont u dare spoil him because it could hurt u both.

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  • You can agree to help him a little if you genuinely want to, only if he abides but rules like he can't be going out spending money on things he doesn't NEED. Otherwise though I would let him pay it himself because he's a grown ass adult and you aren't in a position to where you have to aid in supporting him, but if you do, make sure you don't make it a habit and him take advantage.

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  • If he doesn't know how to take charge of his financial issues, that's his problem. Splurging on the least essential things he needs and more on his wants smh. He knows you will help him out when his up to his neck. I suggest you don't help him all the time. Only here and there. Let him understand that if he prances around like a unicorn in the rosy field, it will rain on his parade and he can creep back into his cave.

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  • I think if this guy took things seriously, he would get rid of the vices in his life and put that money towards his debt.

    If you want to help him out truly, I would tell him that he needs to budget his money better, not spend it so frivolously, and help him budget it. Do not pay it off. He will learn nothing from that.

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  • Dump him and don't pay him a cent. If he's not responsible enough to pay his own debt off, and instead goes out wasting his money drinking and eating out, then he isn't going to pay you back. Go find a different guy. He sounds like an irresponsible little kid, who'll just get back into debt once his 5k is paid off.

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  • If it's only $5,000 then he shouldn't need any help. He's got a job, let him pay for it. Why is he even asking you? Sheesh... I'm choosing to get a job just to pay for my stupid school loans. Don't expect anyone to fork over anything for the decisions that I make.

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  • Do not do it.
    He doesn't want to sacrifice his playthings, so clearly the debt isn't annoying enough yet.

    Tell him he needs to stop splurging and use that money to pay it off.
    If he starts doing that, maybe then help him a bit here and there.
    Like maybe you could help him with groceries, like you did, out of the kindness of your heart.

    But please do not start paying off his debt. He will keep spending his money the way he wants to and you'll get screwed over.

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  • Don't help him. Vacations and bars are luxuries not necessities. If he budgeted properly he would be in a much better situation. I'd go as far as helping him with a budget but that's it.

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  • Absolutely not. He hadn't paid of off, because he doesn't WANT to pay it off. If he did, he wouldn't be spending money on unnecessary shit.
    Also, $5000 isn't that much debt, really. I'm 20, and have around $25,000 of debt from my car, a loan, and my education fees. However, I pay off a few hundred a month, because I have a budget, and a savings account for my repayments.
    You boyfriend needs to grow up, and start doing the same. By all means, help him sort out a budget, work out what he can save money on. But don't give him a penny until he sorts his shit out.

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  • You can't bail him out because he will just do it again. He needs to learn to look after his finances or he will just waste your $5000 and run up more debt and expect the same. Just say you dont have it or you lent it to your parents. He had a good time living in the moment and not planning ahead and now he must pay for it.

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  • No don't do it!

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  • Only help him if you are willing to never see that money again. $5000 is a lot of money and once its gone its gone. And if you do give it to him don't be shocked it goes somewhere else instead of bills.

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  • Noooooooooo!!!

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