Manipulating- has this technique worked for you?

My friend and I were casually talking about guys and she dropped the term 'give withdraw repeat'. I hadn't heard of it so I googled and this is what I found (copied directly).
I think it's not necessary and everyone should be honest, but I'm curious if more girls, or guys even do this?

You start out by giving the man attention: appear interested, give him your number, set up a date. You are giving.
Then, you cancel the date at the last minute. This is withdrawing, and it puts the man in a tizzy. He will be hurt and confused, not understanding what happened. He was so close!
This is related to what psychologists call an irregular schedule of reinforcement. The sudden withdrawal of reward paradoxically makes the subject try harder and get even more invested. In dolphins, when you suddenly stop giving fish for a jump, they start to jump higher for their reward. (If you stop giving fish altogether, you get extinction, and they jump less.)
Once you withdraw, it's time to give again. Now you call him and apologize profusely (which is different from flaking, where you're not invested at all and simply vanish into Flakeville, a neighborhood in LA). Some emergency came up, it could not be avoided, so sorry, can we please reschedule? You'll make it up to him. Really.
You're showing that you actually cared, but just couldn't show up for reasons beyond your control. It wasn't your fault, you swear. Usually, he'll be pleased enough by your continued interest to accept your apology and agree to reschedule. Poor sucker.
You've just given, so now you must withdraw again.
Etc etc...


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Most Helpful Guy

  • This technique is how you stay single. Guys aren't that stupid and after the first couple of times we figure it out. When girls play these games it tells me that they are immature and childish so I screw up their "game" by walking away and completely losing intrest. So no this is not a good thing at all unless you want to piss off every guy.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • I didn't even read all this and I already know it's stupid and immature. I'm talking to a *teenager* whos doing the exact same thing but at least she can say she's stil an actual child instead of just trying to act like one.

    This is not how you build a healthy long term relationship. This is how you build a disaster. How much can you really get out of a situation when you constantly think of your partner as a"sucker"? What's waste of time.

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What Guys Said 5

  • the problem with trying to use these techniques on humans as that a lot of them have awareness and what you deal out they return in kind. It sets up the rules for a relationship. It's a dangerous thing to play games when you can just be who you are.

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  • I haven't tried to implement it myself. Whether it works or not is immaterial, it's clearly abusive.

    Covert manipulation is what you do to someone you don't love, from whom you're trying to get something. It's a hostile and selfish act.

    But I do whatever I can to point this behavior out and try to raise men's awareness of it (and women's, whenever a woman is dealing with it that I see), and to convince them to drop that person like a bad habit.

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    • can you give some other ways of manipulating

    • @LaLa817 No, but I can recommend a book. "The Rules." It's a gynocentric book of evil, a manual on manipulating men. For guys, I've heard of "Silver Bullets," but it's wickedly expensive.

  • I'd accept it the first time, but if it becomes too frequent I'd move on

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  • I'll tell you the REAL secret of how to get a guy EVERY TIME, just

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  • If she canceled on me on the first date I would not try and take her out on another one.

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What Girls Said 2

  • Or he'll think you're not interested and give up chasing you…

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  • That is the dumbest thing I've ever heard. Why toy with someone like that? Just date him, or don't if you're not interested. Mind games don't get you very far.

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