Am I the only girl that actutally goes for the nice guys?

Every single girl I know is going out with those stupid asshole guys who just cheat on them constantly, and the girls KEEP going back to them. Girls, what's wrong with you these days? I love guys who are more "cute" than "hot", who is average or really good in school, who is close with his family, and overall is just a sweetheart...am I being too picky or something?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Women don't like nice guys. Nice guys are thought of as pussies who can't "protect" themselves or their potential lovers. In addition, women think that the best men are tall, handsome, race-specific, athletic, rich, tough with men but kind to women, confident and so on. The problem is that more often than not, personality is overlooked in preference to physical attraction and material wealth. Once a young woman realizes that they should judge a man by personality first, it's too late! By the time a woman discovers this reality, the emotional damage from dating a jerk is too late and quite often has a disliking for men in general(Are there any good men out there?). Finally, women like a challenge. Nice guys are too easy to catch while the macho tough guys are not so easy and have other women to choose from. Thus the reason why some guys are surrounded by a dozen women while the rest of the guys are off somewhere else drinking their miserable lives away wondering why nobody wants them. Sad. This explains why billions of women are always saying, "Nice Guy But Not My Type". Go figure.

    In truth, nice guys are men who has patience, doesn't lose their temper over the small stufff, can easily take charge of a situation when needed and doesn't fight unless absolutely necessary. They value your opinion and go out of their way to make you happy, and are less likely to cheat because they value loyalty. The problem is that MOST nice guys are lacking in some requirement that women have in order to gain their interests such as too short, not race-specific and so forth.

    Having expectations is acceptable but men/women should recognize what is truly important in their assessment of a potential mate. The height of a man nor the bra size of a woman is the correct why to choose a person's quality. Sadly, we are human and this dating problem will never go away.

    Hope this helps, hope I also get "Best Answer"...heheh

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    • Okay first off I have to say you are assuming that all girls are the same and that's bullsh*t because uh hi helo I'm a girl who is dating a nice guy. and have been for almost a year and a half. He isn't a p**** and he stands up for me and cares a lot about me but he isn't an asshole.

      've figured out (along with anyfriends at my collage) that the "tough guys" Are the asshooles who like to control every aspect of his girls life which is unecceptable just because a guys is nice it doesn't make

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    • Nice comment especially the middle part, but the truth is, nice guys DO have their own ideas about who and what they want and are NOT easy catches as you describe here.

      I consider myself a 'nice guy' and I've seen quite a few of so-called attractive women in my life, but I do not throw myself at them. Why? Because in these attractive women I've seen jerks among them too, the worst ones being the ones who are stuck up about their looks and think because of it, they can treat anyone like sh*t

    • I could not agree more with the middle paragraph. Very well put :)

What Guys Said 36

  • Where have you been all my life?

    But really, I hate how women clump "nice" and "I always have to make the decisions" together. I just think that girls get more emotionally attached to guys than vice versa. I also hate how girls talk about how their boyfriends suck, but they still stay with them. I understand you can't just flip an off/on switch, but I don't have sympathy for them. But no, you are not picky at all. there should be more women like you.

    I guess girls think bad=adventurous or something like that, when it's not necessarily true.

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    • I agree with you 100%! It bugs me so much when they stick with jerks after all the things he deos.

    • *does

    • Yesss bad means adventurous! =D isn't always a good thing tho. but exciting =)

  • Completely depends on the girl, what she wants at the time and her past.

    Some girls want a steady boyfriend, if so they will opt for the nice guys.

    Some girls just love the challenge of pulling a guy, great ego boost.. even better if they can get the bad boy and tame him. What a challenge.

    If she's ready to settle down and is thinking family and kids she will want a nice guy that will always be there for her, to provide and help look after the kids. Usually the less hot looking guy because she won't have to stress about him going off with another girl.

    Her past will come into play too, if she's been in a relationship before with a bad boy that constantly cheated and didn't care about her she might be worn down and assume she doesn't deserve a decent guy. She will push the nice guy away and stick with assholes because it's been drilled in to her that that's all she deserves.

    At the end of the everyone is different, all you can do is get to know as many people as possible. If you're lucky you will find someone who is perfect for you.

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  • You sound very mature compared to the other girls your age...

    I'm looking for a girl like you! Where do girls like you tend to typically hang out? lol I'm tired for waiting around for girls to grow up because it doesn't seem like its gonna happen anytime soon. :/

    But haha I agree... A lot of girls make dumb choices.

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    • Haha, I actually am mature for my age and I don't really know anyone else my age that is like me...since most of my friends go for the jerks too. Where do I hang out? same places as other girls - you just have to find out which one of those girls are mature.

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    • Oh... well, I do actually. lol ;)

    • You enjoy shopping? I have hope for this world. finally a guy who enjoys shopping....even though I do not, haha. I'm not a tomboy though.

      i'm neither a tomboy or a girly girl..somewhere in the middle :P

  • I sure hope not.

    You're definitely not being too picky. Some girls are attracted to bad guys...not sure exactly why, but this is a well-known phenomenon.

    Of course, the reality is that most people are not cartoon stereotypes...they have both a good and a dark side to them.

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  • Yea I wish it was more girls like you. Cause I think of myself as a nicee guy and usually get viewed as that friend someone can talk too rather want to be with. While guys who just try to get everybody they can and treat girls bad, actually get the girls.

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  • No, you like what you like,but unlike most girls who just go for looks, you are looking for a specific personality. Too often girls just date a guy who's hot who ends up being an idiot. I see it all the time. Girls put up with so much crap from guys, especially if the guy is hot. Now I am not saying less attractive guys are better, and that there aren't sweet attractive guys, but the guy you are describing is probably a typical d-bag with gelled hair who wears affliction t's and a white ball cap and only cares about himself rather than about girls. Of course a lot of guys, including me are just to nice. We play the victim and don't try to go after the girls we want because we feel we can't compete. Well, it's hard but we can. More girls care about personality than is thought. A true man is a mix of a tough guy and a sweetheart. He cares about a girl and her feelings, but will stand up for himself, and for her, and respects her and himself.

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  • We'll I certainly don't meet girls like you. I think "nice" guys and girls are a rare breed.

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  • I wish there were more girls out there like yourself...too many girls overlook me for all the reasons that you stated. They are so emotionally driven that most of them skip over the decent guy because the @sshole guy has more of an appeal to them.

    I think overtime it takes girls to learn from experience to realize what they have been searching for all along...it's just that many of them are naive and easily influenced before they get a wake up call. When the @sshole is just a bump on a log with no job...and is too busy hanging out with his homies...only then does she realize...damn I'm stupid, I need a good guy.

    So in a way...I really don't have sympathy for girls who date @ssholes and then complain about it. If your going to complain...take action, make changes, and do something about your situation...failure to make a change is just ignoring the true cause of the problem. We need not blame others, when in fact the problem is our own.

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  • it's about sexual attraction, some girls are more attracted to boys that look though and mean because that's human nature. Some are just looking for someone who will dominate her thinking that a nice guy wouldn't be able to (common misconception)

    But with time some girls learn that sexual behavior has nothing to do with general behavior ( you can be a serious guy devoted to his work while being a beast in bed :))) )

    I suggest girls to think with their head ( like they want us to do ) ;)

    As a boy you can be nice but also have some guts after all you have some balls down there you don't have to be too shy and you have to stand up for yourself ( that's my opinion )

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  • i agree with littletad 'the rare breed'...but I think a lot people say girls like the 'bad boy' so the nice guys think they need to be the 'bad boy to get the girl...me personal I go for the nice girls, I'm glad your one of the nice girl:)

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  • If all the other girls go out with the jerks then what's the problem? That should leave you with plenty of the guys you like.

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    • Yeah but it gets annoying when I see my friends going off with those type of guys and me warning my friends about them doesn't mean anything to them..I really don't see what girls see in them.

    • Ya I have a lot of girl friends and from my experience warning them only makes it worse. I have even goten into a fight with one casue he pushed a friend of mine off his porch and then SHE stopped talking to me

  • You're not being too picky, they're being ignorant.

    Though I wish I fit the description of what you like, I'm not close to my family and I'm definitly not cute lol.

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    • Awww, don't be so hard on yourself! personality is what matters most though.

    • Meh, I have a tendency to say not very nice things about myself, life experience has lead me to focus on the negitive.

  • No I think you're being normal to be honest. I know so many girls who do exactly what you just described and it makes me want to bash my head in to a wall. I'm a nice guy, I'm a RN and I have a damn good head on my shoulders and I couldn't find a nice decent girl if she hit me square in the face. I don't think your being too picky, but you most certainly are a rarity when it comes to girls.

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    • You should travel to europe dear.

    • The girls that like the nice guys are usually stuck with the assholes in a bad relationship. I know I was for a long time. But there out there, the nice girls that like the nice guys and want a real relationships are usually the ones that are overlooked by vain guys and girls

  • Nope. Your just one of the lucky ones who do get it unlike the rest of these ladies sticking with the trash. Being the family / nerdy type is what I thought was running you ladies off. I love the big family gatherings. I'm proud of my nerd title I earned in high school.

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  • no, you are NOT too picky. you are doing the right thing and believe me, nice guys are lucky to have a chick like you

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  • Basically, you are saying you prefer guys who are so unappealing to other women, that they would have little chance to cheat. Unfortunately, little do you know that those "nice guys", would also cheat given half the opportunity. "asshole" guys have. In other words, you want a safe guy that won't attract competition from other women.

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  • It's a shame. A lot of girls SAY they want a nice guy but then they go for the jerks. Actions speak louder than words I guess...

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    • No more like there are girls who say they want a nice guy and truly mean it - but it's so hard to find one let alone get with one - and there are also girls who either don't care or want a "bad boy" - and unfortunately those guys are in "high supply."

    • I think most women want to have their cake and eat it too (I don't mean to say guys aren't guilty of this too, or that all women are guilt of this, just that for this case this is what's important).

      Most women only have experience with bad boys, which for some reason are the only guys they fall for. When they're with a bad boy, they think they want a nice guy. But in reality, what they really want is a man whose both a bad boy and a nice guy- which obviously can't exist.

  • us musicians tend to be the good ones. most girls go after the jocks because they act all macho and sh*t...while the musicians tend to be a bit more sensitive..not a bad thing just how we work

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    • Musicians sensitive since when, people get into bands for money and pussy, come on man, I'm a musician and I used to be a couple bands, and let me tell those guys are not sensitive, and neither am I in fact women call me a jerk.

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    • I agree with you. Musicians are one of the best type of guys and most of them are sensitive. not all of them, but most of them....like the ones that keep their talent hidden I find to be more quiet and sensitive.

  • Yes you are the only girl that doesn't go out with douche bags, just watch Tool Academy, all those girls have their BF's that cheat on them everyday, and they are even caught in the act, yet those girls continue going out with them.

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  • I wouldn't call that picky. A lot of girls go for the aholes because they have some sort of appeal about them. They are confident, know what they want, when they want it, and aren't afraid to do it. Nice guys are seen by some as I've read to be boring, predictable, and sexually unappealing. Despite what people think, this isn't always the case. I've seen a lot of girls who can't stomach the site of a jerk, and want a nice guy-

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  • guys never stay nice tho ladies its all about phases in life so at one point a guy is an ass the next he's prince charming only depends on where he's at in his life

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  • So there are no guys who are both "hot" and "cute"? ha :d

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    • Lol no there can be. But I usually just say they are either "cute" or "hot". Everyone's different though. There probably is some girls out there that think guys can be both, though.

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    • Hahaha, most girls I know do that but not all. but then again, guys do the same.

      & thank you :)

    • Haha. yeah most girls do put guys in folders. But yes you can be hot and cute at the same time.

  • Your a smart woman who knows men and knows herself. Those other women are either brain washed or their thugs themselves so they are turned on by guys that they have something in common with.

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  • Idk, hope you stay that way. I haven't met any girls like you :P.

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  • It's nice to know there are a few girls like you out there...

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  • i guess so! I'm a really nice but keep running into bitches

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  • you're just more mature than most girls your age

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  • I think girls are turned off by nice guys because they tend to be boring...I'm not boring ;)

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  • no, of course not

    you are not picky

    youre just not stupid

    good for you

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  • You are the only one.

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What Girls Said 45

  • i love the the sweet guys, My current boyfriend is one of those guys that loves his mom a lot with our being a dependent geek but He spends time with his family. he has admitted to me he is a lover not a fighter. Nobody ever has a bad thing to say about him. He is a nice guy and I absolutely love it. I would much prefer being with a guy who will be kind and love just laying in bed with me talking, rather then the assholes I was with before him were they thought just because we were sitting on a bed it was an open invitation to try to get in my pants. So no you aren't. He told me from the time we started dating he told me that he won't let me do anything with him that I would regret later on in life. And for that I love him. We were together for 7 months before we had sex (we're both 19 and not virgins) and you know I'm totally with you on the Loving nice guys! =)

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  • I go for nice guys too. All these girls complain about all guys being assholes, yet keep dating assholes, I don't know. All the guys I have liked, really, have been genuinely nice (or at least seem like it), cause I mean, that's an important part of liking a guy for me. Like you, I like guys who are smart (even nerdy - in fact, this can be a plus), shy, average or cute rather than hot, guys who are sweet and like... unintimidating I guess. I don't go for the supposedly hot yet shy jerks, players, etc.

    But for some reason the nice guys never seem to like me back. D:

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  • I love good guys, I think I'm just really mature for my age though, most girls realize that they should be with nice guys in the end, after they've done the whole hooking up bad boy scene and want to settle down, rather than date total assholes.. but sometimes its just too late, I had to deal with my fare share of douches when I was young and I pulled myself right out of that phase really FAST.. I love nice guys! LOVE them, they know how to treat a lady, and they have brains which to me is a sign that they will be capable of supporting you in the future .. F*** looks, and attitude .. it gets you nowhere in the long run ! good for you for going after good guys I think it shows maturity.

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  • Absolutely not!

    I always go for the nice guys, but they don't seem to go for me as it would seem.

    They always want the pretty, crazy girls who don't want to give them the time of day. It's the same problem but inverted!

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  • isnt it interesting that we all say we like nice guy but we all act differently.They are liars.

    guys let me tell you this:girls like nice guys sure..but they tend to be shy and often think" she's so beautiful there musnt be any chance between us"thus you act cold and uninterested. Whilst jerks chase girls non stop. Do you expect a girl ignore the passionate hot macho rich or whatever you call jerks and wait for a "seems cold and uninterested" nice guy to ask her out? HELL NO she doesn't even know you like her! If ur too shy we think you don't like us and even we liked you we have to move on!

    so yeah..ends up we all say we like you but you can't get girls. who to blame?

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    • Totally agree! and it's sad...but maybe, hopefully those nice-but-shy-and-standoffish guys will realize that when they like a girl they should just be a man and pursue her.

  • I'm with you! At least now...I'm into the more cute, sweet, driven guys than those cocky douchebags. Unfortunately, though, it seems like the cocky douchebags were the only ones pursuing me and so if I found them attractive enough I would like them back and such...but not anymore. And though I have no problem making friends with the cute, nice, single, driven guys they're either too shy or don't want a relationship...with anyone right now it seems.

    [And no you're not being too picky.]

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    • Old Chinese saying(or from some damned culture): If pushing does not work, try pulling. Meaning: If the men don't come to you, you go to the men. It works! Ya

    • Uh ya but unfortunately a lot of times I've "gone after" them...and that just backfired. so I'm trying to now "pull" more instead of so much "pushing"

  • Your not picky at all, most females don't know that there are good men out there. I know I didn't till about 5 months ago and I was one of them that was dealing with a bad relationship and no matter how bad he treated me, id stay with him until I got back in contact with the man I am with now. but most girls don't think they deserve a good man.

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  • i am like you. I always prefer the nerdier, shy, reclusive, less cool, cute, nervous, not asparty prone, loner, slightly more imperfect guys over the egotistical douches who use their, not even, that attractive bodies to seduce the vain sluts of our generations. yeah...its sad.

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  • I don't think you're being too picky, you just have a type. I love nice guys too. Seriously, with being surrounded by jerks all day that point out when girl have gained a couple pounds or flirt with every girl around even when they have girlfriends etc., it's nice to encounter a guy that'll open the door for you or hand out a compliment once in a while :)

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  • You are not being too picky. That is what every girl's dream guy is. But in reality, we know that it is very hard to find, especially in guys who are in their low 20s. Girls like the bad boy image because every girl likes the dangerous side of it. It's that hidden side of them and they like that the bad boy brings it out in them. But you are not alone, I am looking for the same thing you are. He's out there, you just gotta keep trying to find him :)

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  • You are not alone. I just fell in love with my best guy friend who has all the qualities you described. it took me five months to realize it though. I can't look at a "macho" guy the same way again. I am not longer attracted to manly men. It almost makes me sound gay. In the end, the nice guys win.

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  • No. You're being smart!

    I'm the same way. Even if they're ugly. If I know they're sweet. I'm most likely to go and crush on them!

    My boyfriend was never one of those jerks. He was more of the shy type. He got confident though and goodness it's very attractive. He's cute and loving and such a sweetheart all around.

    I know what you mean about your friends going for the jerks. It's a maturity thing. Once they mature or they realize they're truly unhappy, they'll come to their senses.

    Let's hope it's not too late.

    Keep doing what you're doing!

    Best regards.

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  • No you're not being picky,don't let anyone ever influence you to making bad choices just because everyone's doing it. I would always go for the average, at least he has heart and doesn't pretend to someone else. He knows his priorities and he knows how to care. there's nothing wrong with a guy like that. Bad boys are hopeless, in general. Anywho it's always up to you what kinda guy you pick.

    I just wish you all the luck that you find the right one :)

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  • nope. I'm going out with a nice guy who's close to his family too.

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  • Idk I always went for the nice guys, but they all turned out to be jerks in the end. Some guys pretend to be cute and caring just to get into your panties. I had a boyfriend who was ugly as hell, but I liked him because he was smart and sensitive. The phone calls from his "sister" started getting suspicious though. Soon I found out he was a two timer.

    At the same time there are "hot" guys, who I would never date (he is too hot, he must cheat on his girlfriend) and they actually are the sweet and sensitive ones. So my advice, don't judge the book by its cover... and always trust your instincts.

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  • NO! I feel is more girls had these expectations guys would know that we are not desperate people who will put up with sh*t just to have someone. Those men you are looking for are out there! I have found them before

    In me experience its the asian men that have the qualities that you are looking for. Do not believe the myth of the small package. I have dated them and according to cosmo they are carrying the goods . I have been with other men that are way smaller, and less pleasing in bed. Try it !

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    • I have heard the contrary. I socialize with many asian women in US and Canada, they tell me some horrow stories of girls forced into prostitution at ages 13 to 14 in Cambodia. Japanese girls must wear mini-skirts that shows off their panties. Finipino women are alwasy treated like dirt outside of their country in mainland China or Japan. Therefore, when they arrrive in the americas, they feel like are in heaven. Finally, it's not the race, it's in the individual personality

  • I'm the exact same way! Bad boys, pssshh

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  • Well, 3 cheers for you girl! ANd nice guys rock! However, there are nice guys who stand up for you and are tough when it comes to it, its just that they are not A-holes all the time... And there are Way GORGEOUS Nice guys...So you can't just say that touch playboys are all awesome looking and tough, while the nice guys are weak and short and ugly... because that's just an assumption

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  • No, I love "nice" guys :) My boyfriend is a sweetie, and better described as "cute" than "hot".

    And in the past, the guys I've liked aren't always the most physically attractive, but I find their personality way better than the hott guys. You aren't too picky :)

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  • I've always dated jerks. I don't know why..I don't like it, but for some reason that's what I'm attracted to. I wish I weren't

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    • In psychology, women tend to enjoy dominant, controlling men as a way to satisfy their insecurity and want to be led. The problem is many such men are idiots. Nothing worse than following a lowsy leader as any person from the military can attest to. Try dating a confident guy who values your opinion instead. You just might be surprised.

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    • AMEN on that archer.. nothing worse than having a boss who's an idiot... or an NCO who's one...

    • Don't let your instincts allow you to act irrational. Being attracted to the dominant type of guys may be instinctive for women, but it's completely irrational if the guy's a jerk.

  • Nah, I love jerks and guys who treat me like trash. Nothing turns me on more than being cheated on.

    What is wrong with you?

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  • I like nice guys.

    I hate it that "Nice Guy" gets misapplied to anyone who's shy or nondescript. Being genuinely Nice is very different from being Boring. When I think of a guy that's Nice I think of someone that knows how to value other people and treats them with respect.

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  • man, I know right?

    i definitely go for the nice guys, but unfortunately they often start out nice and that's when they turn into jerks.. ugh.

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    • Hmmm...I wonder why they turn into jerks. Such a mystery.

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    • No, I was suggesting that she treats them like sh*t until they get fed up.

    • Woooow. that's an awesome assumption. or PERHAPS they were always jerks and I just overlooked that in an effort to see the best in people? clearly you find no need in the facade..

  • LOL I love those guys too. A lot girls are seriously idiots and aren't going to end up with a long-term relationship that way. Maybe they're just looking for a fling or sex because that's all they're going to end up with.

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  • I don't think ur being picky. You like what you like. :) NIce guys are truly the best when you find a TRUE "nice guy". However some girls our age don't understand, value, or cherish their own worth and that's why they continue to settle for guys that are no good for them. Don't worry about them that just means more nice guys for YOU! lol

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  • i am definitely 101% with you on this one! NICE guys are way better than cheating/selfish guys, I believe nice guys are more confident and secured of themselves than bad boys because they are trying to maintain this "playa image".

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  • i agree completely with this. I have often wondered why so many girls are so stupid.

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  • yea.

    lol jk I don't know really...

    im definitely not falling for the 100% good guys. but a lot of my friends do. its just a preference I guess. its kinda funny tho because most of my friends act like whores and they always get the nice guys and f*** 'em over. and I'm actually (more or less =)) a nice girl and I keep falling for the bad guys.

    maybe opposites attract. idk...

    btw nice doesn't mean smart. just like bad doesn't mean stupid...

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  • No, I try going for the nice guys too. Trust me hon that's what's going to count in the end. But maybe further your likes, by talking to some of the supposed "bad boys"? They're some of the sweetest guys as well. Just a tip(:

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  • No I go for the good guys too they are just hard to find

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