Do you think its hypocritical of someone to (only) want to date someone with quality that they dont have themselfs?

Do you think its hypocritical of someone to (only) want to date someone with quality that they dont have themselfs?

For example, a girl expecting the guy she dates to have a good job, but doesn't work herself and barely finished high school. Or s guy Who only wants super fit women, but never goes to the gym nor eats healthy

  • Yes
    50% (7)50% (9)50% (16)Vote
  • No
    43% (6)39% (7)41% (13)Vote
  • Other
    7% (1)11% (2)9% (3)Vote
And you are? I'm a GirlI'm a Guy

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Most Helpful Guy

  • When you get down to it, pretty much everything humans do is hypocritical--most or a lot, anyway. I don't really like that word for a concept like this. I might say, "Are double standards in relation to dating acceptable or good or bad?" Something like that.

    As for the meat of the question: It is hypocritical, but that doesn't make it necessarily good or necessarily bad. So long as both like the qualities of the other well enough to where they want to be together, why does it matter? That said, there's definitely a double standard where women need to be super fit and attractive, but not need any other qualities to be desirable; and men need to have good jobs and/or degrees and such to be desirable. That's just a result of our instincts. Females naturally seek protection and provision and long-term survival aspects, particularly for potential offspring; whereas, males naturally respond to that desire and form ambition to create such an environment: e. g. female desire fuels male desire which fuels female desire: not necessarily the same. That's my take, anyway.

    Given that protection and provision aren't particularly necessary in the modern age where women can take care of themselves, females, more or less, desire personality and entertainment value more so than the latter; whereas, males simply desire an attractive female who isn't a total bitch, most often. Both might switch it up depending on cognizance and environment--particularly males when seeking a long-term partner, where chemistry plays a bigger role; but, that's the general rule, I believe. The male is viewed as the protector and provider, while the woman is viewed as the child bearer and nurturer--even in modern attempts to equalize everything, this instinctual tendency tends to exert itself here and there. While that's certainly not equal, it's just the way it is. Human behavior tends to be based on emotion and instinct, intermingled with rational thought, in my opinion. So, those are bound to conflict and turn someone into a hypocrite. When you mix emotions and the rational brain, they're going to conflict.

    Instinct has it's own logic and purpose, even if it's not exactly rational to the conscious mind. We only seek out what is most beneficial to us, and others to them. So, hypocritical yes, but not necessarily wrong or bad; a definitive double standard, however, which is sort of antithetical to Western equalist morality.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • For some things yes. However if it's a personality trait then no, because I usually go for people who have different traits to me and often learn from them. For example confidence or generosity or trusting etc... For things like jobs and fitness yes I do think it's hypocritical.

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What Guys Said 12

  • As a general rule, people mate assortatively.
    Like mates with like.

    Looking for complimentary qualities in a mate may seem hypocritical but here's the thing... it's not the business of anyone outside the relationship to judge.

    Mating is not an exercise in fairness. If one partner is always good with money while the other is always able to diffuse tense situations... that's a good thing. Yet it's not an equal distribution of qualities.

    Funny how the hypocrisy idea only gets dragged out when we talk about wealth, physical fitness and sexual experience. It like other people can see these things or something.

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  • I think that to some extent, yes, it is hypocritical.

    However, I think the dating game tolerates some hypocrisy.

    For example, many men want to be the provider, and many women want to be provided for (traditional values). These are more complementary desires than they are hypocritical ones.

    Demanding a fit partner when you yourself are completely unfit sounds much more hypocritical, yet we can still find super fit women who desire chubby beer guzzling fuzzy bears.

    In these cases I am more concerned about the extent to which they are willing to compromise.

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  • I think it's ok to desire certain things you don't have out of your partner. For example I like a girl who can be very feminine and girly but obviously I have no desire to be those things myself. Maybe some women want to be a stay at home mom while the guy works. A lot of guys want that too. I think they just need to find someone that also desire that and not just get with some random person and then try to guilt them into having that kind of life.

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  • I only date people with vaginas.

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  • Not necessarily. Men and women are different.

    But, if it were hypocritical, almost all women would be hypocrites on this matter. For example, almost all women are not funny, but almost all women want a funny man.

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  • Sure its hypocritical, but it really isn't a problem as long as you can make that difference up with other things.

    I mean the man and the woman in your examples could be a perfect pair, if the man was rich, and the woman was in great shape.

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    • And you can usually get away with being hypocritical about somethings, as long as you're willing your partner be hypocritical about other things.

  • ... relationships are all about finding someone who gives you something you can't get anywhere else.

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  • Yes - but I always maintain there are worse things in life than hypocrisy.

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  • I believe you only deserve somebody you can "afford" with your own qualities.

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  • I think its more human than hypocritical. Evryone craves what he/she hasn't got.

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  • Absolutely not.

    I have a penis. I want someone with a vagina. That's just right off the start.

    We all have a list of qualities. We have qualities we'd like. Those lists do not need to be the same. Funny people don't have to date other funny people. Athletic people don't have to date athletic people. Good looking people don't have to date good looking people. Rich people don't have to date rich people.

    Now if you proscribe value judgement to these things, I'd say you're being a hypocrite. If you eat like shit and smoke but happen to be thin, and complain that fat people aren't healthy, I'd say you're being a hypocrite. If you are broke and complain that broke guys lack ambition, I'd say you're being a hypocrite. But if you just accept that there are traits you find attractive, not because they're noble or display something acceptable about character, but just because they draw you in and excite you, then that's fair.

    As for whether it's reasonable or not, the bigger the list of qualities you're looking for, the bigger YOUR list of qualities needs to be. But they do NOT need to be the same list. You just need to find one of the people out there with the list you want, who is looking for what you offer.

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  • Depends, I mean I'm hideous but I couldn't date an ugly girl. hahaha

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What Girls Said 1

  • Yes, I think it is.

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