i know that question seems a little extreme but honestly I'm losing faith in the male gender, I need someone to convince me that not all guys are cheaters or just looking for sex. all the guys I seem to find that all they are about...even my best guy friends all they do is find girls to have sleep with, even the ones with girlfriends. I have had countless boyfriends cheat on me and I have had countless guys with girlfriends hit on me...even my best girlfriends boyfriends have tried sweet talking me...all this has lead me to have a lot of trust issues with guys...sorry guys if this is offensive, but try to change that opinion and give me some input as to why guys ask like this.
*why guys act like this?
oh I have the biggest open heart btw...I'm friendly to every guy because I've been trying to find that good one.
u guys are making a lot of wrong judgments and assumptions about me.
i must say I do like the discussion we are getting into...a lot of good things being said. thank you all.
"Try hitting on a attractive shy guy and see what happens. He'll get excited/scared at first. However when he warms up to you may be VERY surprised."---so that worked and I finally found a guy and I couldn't be happier in my relationship.
wow I can't believe this post is still active. anyway things with the guy are still going great,he is the sweetest most caring guy and I'm very lucky to have found him. thank you all who responded. I now believe there are good guys out there.
As a good guy I'll help you out with this one. 1. You have to know what type of guy you want. Once you know what you want then it makes things a little easier. 2. Every guy out there knows by now what every girl wants to hear, so they feed it to you and because the deceivers all say the right thing, you're unable to tell the difference between the good and the bad. For once, listen to what a man says and hold him accountable for it. Don't go on chanting you found the one when you haven't even given him a chance to prove himself yet. Many women indulge in sex too soon and find themselves played. Allow a man to prove his words true only through action and NOTHING else or else you lose every time. 3. USE YOUR HEAD! Stop allowing your heart to lead you until the coast is clear. "Look both ways before crossing the street," they say, because you just might get hit. The heart is deceiving and is controlled by emotion and trust me, any act of emotion isn't logical nor ethical. Learn to think with your head. It's almost like solving a math problem. 4. Project yourself as good you will find good, but you project as bad...you get my point. In order to get respect from any man, you must first respect yourself. I see too many women out there disrespecting themselves and demanding respect. Doesn't work that way. Too many women sleep with men they barely know and wonder why he doesn't come around anymore. I can go on and on but I'll let you digest this first. Hope I was able to help you. Good luck!
The better question is why many girls are fooled so easily by not-so-nice guys?
The old story of the Wolf in Sheep's Clothing has part of the answer. The truth is that most of the not-so-nice guys go out of their way to trick girls like you and your friends. Then when a good guy really does show up, you've become so cynical that you slam the door in his face because you assume that every sheep is really a wolf.
How can you improve your sense of who is a wolf in disguise and who isn't? Well the first thing is to not just look at how the guy treats you, but what he's really like as a person. What is his internal moral code? Does he even have one? Unless he's a total sociopath, he's not going to wear the disguise 24/7.
The problem is getting to know him well enough that you see when he takes off his disguise. Of course, there's probably a part of you that doesn't want to see the disguise. He says and does all the right things just for you, so you overlook all the signs that would reveal he's not the person he's claiming to be. This is common, so that's also why your friends happened to end up with guys like that. It's also common for guys to make the same mistake with girls.
Part of the problem is that there really are a lot of crappy people (guys and girls), and we've grown up in a "me" generation where we're encouraged to be narcissistic and put ourselves before others. There are still guys who would refuse to cheat even when tempted, because they know it's wrong but you gotta find someone who has strong moral convictions. Someone who knows the meaning of the word "shame". Unfortunately, in today's society, people who have morals are often times portrayed as prudish or unsexy, so you have to overcome the cultural brainwashing.
I'm studying neuroscience and psychology, but that aside for now, from my personal experiences, both genders, if given the right circumstances, will sleep with each other despite being in a serious relationship. We are made this way as many have answered, and you are made to be attracted to the dominant, aggressive, confident male whose underlying objective is to sleep with as many women as possible. Because they can. Men who cannot often are not worth your time, even though they will be loyal.
The more high demand --> the less prone a person is to dedicating oneself completely to any particular demand. We seek novelty and learning/experiencing new things. If we can do this, we will.
Nature doesn't care about who gets hurt or abused or cheated on as long as it can perpetuate itself.
Not all guys are cheaters, and I'm too lazy to read all the replies you have gotten.
I personally have never cheater on a girlfriend, nor will I. In fact, I had a girlfriend cheat on me!
If you want to find a nice, decent guy, find a nerdy one - lol! Nerdy guys will be appreciative to have a girlfriend and will worship the ground you walk on. Plus, you can fix up his nerdy appearance, find better clothes, etc - nerdy guys usually clean up to look like your normal guy with the added bonus of being deeply attached to you.
So, where to meet nerdy guys? Ballroom is a good place to start looking, I would guess 80% engineers (plus the can dance). You'd never find a nice nerdy guy at a bar, or club, or probably even a starbucks! See if there are robotics events in your area, that would attract nerds.
I can also tell you that all of my friends have never cheated in a relationship!
I'm waiting for marriage, so sex is kind of a moot point right now. Actually, I was cheated on and in a pretty emasculating way, so I know how horrible it can feel.
Know that you're seeing boys. Not real men. I think once you find someone like you, (not a romantic relationship necessarily) you may be able to see more hope first hand, instead of hearing it from guys you don't know.
I thought I was worthless and stupid based on how a lot of people treated me - then I met my best female friend - I joke that she's an older female version of me. And that gives me hope for MY future, as she really has her life together. As bad as things get, I have her as my friend; and I know that either there's at least one other nut job out there who I can have hang out with, or there's another sane person in a crazy world. It's calming.
No. Every single guy in the entire world is bad. --Seriously, what kind of a question is that? Obviously not every guy is bad. You really should have asked "How can I find a good guy? All I can seem to find are bad guys that lie and cheat." After all, that's what you want to know. I understand that whole self-pity thing where you think every guy is bad just because you can't find a good one. The good guys are out there, you just need to find them.
Think of it this way, if you're digging for a treasure you know exists somewhere in a defined region, doesn't it make the most since to very your digging and spread it out to get the greatest sample size rather than digging in the same place all the time?
Most of the time, women like you who can't seem to find a good guy have mostly their selves to blame. You go after the same kind of guy every time and then act surprised when he's no better than the last guy. The saying that if at first you don't succeed, try again implies something that many people overlook: try again, but go about it a different way, otherwise you'll just get the same outcome.
You should start making new friends outside of your group, go to different places to meet people (possibly consider what places attract different types of guys, and use this to gauge what type of guy you'll meet there). Maybe take a karate class or something to expand your pool of prospects.
Sorry if I sounded harsh, it was intentional, but do not confuse that with being mean. I'm trying to be helpful, and sometimes that is best accomplished by being blunt.
Problem is, the guys that don't want to get in your pants from first talking usually are the ones that also are so used to rejection that they don't try approaching girls romantically, and just friendly.
They can't find you since they already figure you'll either turn them down, or with someone else basically. Good guys that actually actively go out in aim to try picking up a girl is like picking the winning lottery numbers tell the truth.
In other words, see the guys that act friendly to you but never approach or do things to catch yoru attention? Yup, you'll just keep on ignoring em.
Like most girls your age you are probably retarded when it comes to judging guys and deciding which kind you like. No offense. Most girls have male "friends" they reject and ignore to chase after the assholes and then they complain to that nice supporting friend(I am that guy usually) ANd its frusturating as hell for us. Yeah we want sex too though. The "nice guys" who get walked all over are wanting someone to make out with and make love too as well there's no shame in that. They are kinda insecure for them it has a lot to do with their self esteem they are wishing a women wouldn't just see him for having an interesting conversation helping with her homework "being like a brother to her" but as someone exciting romantic and/or sexy. I have always wanted to be both. A lot of girls have told me your a good friend lets just be friends. So its like If I never want to get laid I can just keep being who I really am but If I wanted you to be my actual girlfriend Ishould never been friendly to you in the first place Well blah blah I don't want to complain too much about the bullsh*t of high school days. Other than to say a lot of girls are cold ego boosting players themselves with no respect for men or their feelings and though it is basically true we are all horny with strong sexual urges many of us care about women on a deeper level as well. Sure sometimes I find a girl sexy who I don't care about but on the flip side If I care about a girl a lot and she's not way younger or older than me I tend to find her sexually attractive. I think a lot of guys are afraid to show their feelings and be more gentle romantic because they have gotten rejection and pretty harsh expectations from other guys and girls. No guys whos not gay wants to be called gay. And women are part of the problem here. They are stuck on a hollywood version of "real men" and through their cold shoulder they punish guys who don't conform to it and reward those that do.
I won't lie to you, most men are selfish scumbags. Well, frankly all people are selfish scumbags in different ways. With men it generally manifests as being horny, senseless, inconsiderate morons. Just like women are selfish in being needy, controlling, whiney, etc. There are quality men out there, but it requires patience and self-control from you. If you want the right guy, you need to be willing to wait for him to appear (you aren't going to find him, he's going to find you). That means waiting to see if he's a scumbag BEFORE you get involved with him. Generally maturity plays into it a lot too. American men aren't mature anymore, and they aren't required to be...because easy, needy, emotionally distraught (or just loose) women enable them to act this way.
The moment you stop obsessing over finding a good mate is the moment one will find you.
Generally you can tell how good a guy REALLY is by the parents he has. If his parents have money and never had to go through hardships then most likely he is a snobbish douchebag hidden underneath a gold plated image. If he only had his mother and went through many hardships with her then he most likely will have more respect and be more caring for women. I am a good guy and more specifically a confident good guy. I have the bad boy appearance, but the good guy heart. I was beaten by my father through much of my child hood and spent much of the time I was gone from there caring for my crying and lonely mother. She like you was plagued with bad men in her life. Often times I sat there and was a crying shoulder for her and in the most extreme cases had to physically threaten out bad guys that would come around for her. It is from experiencing this that my mentality for treating girls and any children I may have one day is much nicer. I learned a great deal from those bad guys that came around for how they attracted my mother. They were hardly that attractive, but it was the manipulative tactics they used to fool her and confidence they had in themselves. Like occasionally bringing a surprise gift for her or doing something out of their way when the rest of the time they treated her like crap. So I do the same lol(in some aspects). When I ask a girl for her number I do it with confidence and flashy. A good example is when I asked for my second to last girlfriends number. She was in front of the school reading her textbook for European History and I stroll over and sit down right next to her. I start asking her what she is doing and then when she tells me I start reading the book next to her and pretend to fall asleep and snore real loud which makes her laugh. I then switch to looking for things we have in common and occasionally saying some funny things in between. Then when my ride came I plainly said, "I have to go, but you know I really like you and I'd like to have your number so we can talk some more" and she agreed and gave it to me. So we talked/texted for a couple days and then became boyfriend and girlfriend. That's really all it takes for most girls to be interested in you. You have to make yourself not come off as liking them solely for their looks, be charming/funny, flirt a little, build up something you guys have in common, and confidently ask for their number. Then after a couple days of you guys talking and flirting some more ask her out to some place(but don't tell her where! :D) and impress her even more to get her interested in you even more and at the end of the date if you guys have been having a good time sneak up a quick kiss on the lips. Good luck to you all!
Yes unfortunately a good male is hard to find these days. I know a lot of d*** bags.. who treat female poorly and or are just looking for sex. Us "Good guys" are out there. Hard to find but there. I know it looks pretty dismal but these experiences are what shape you into who you are and your likes and dislikes. life ain't easy. and you gotta work and look for what you want it won't just come to you. besides what would be the fun in that? So keep your head up and keep looking you will find the right guy eventually.
like what most people guys are saying, girl seem to be interest in the bad boy compare to the good guys, there are a lot of good guys out who looking for a long term relationship, and has a guy I must say that don't judge us by a cover, the cover of a book may look great but the story isn't always a good one, but a book that has a cover that doesn't always look the most exciting can be one of the best stories...keep looking there are goo guys out there
Well I don't have any guy friends because like you, I find them to all be reprehensible. Even as they put on a show of being decent, you can immediately tell that there's something slimy and rotten at the bottom of their souls. So I'm with you. Men are largely worthless.
Yes, there are guys out there but they are the ones you probably don't normally hang out with. I'm picky on girls because where I am it is both ways to the extreme, guys after girls for sex and girls after guys for sex. So I won't even bother with a girl unless I know for a fact she can prove that she is in the relationship to be with me, not just to get laid
let me tell you something missy lol the world has a balace to it...thir are equally as many good guys out their as ther are good girls...dont blame the gender, blame the person...or you culd go deeper and ask yourself why your onli attracting garbage...mayb ur looking for it..i dunno, I'm just saying.
but wot I've noticed with gyals is that they talk a lot of bullsh*t about personality blah blah...gyals want the same things guys want a fit partner with not 2 many bad traits...girls just tend to be relly bad judges of what they can control.
it doesn't always have to do with the guys, look for different types of guys and also I'm with someone and we've never slept together and I don't go looking for sex and I'm happy with how things are. look for different guys than you've been looking into
I'd like to say I'm a "good guy" but I cheated... sort of. (It's a long story and it didn't happen like your typical movie).
But moving on.
There are "good guys" the problem is, when guys are about 16-20 they learn, really fast, that girls don't like good guys. Sure, they'll like them as a friend, but they tend to go after 'bad guys'. The good guys go home cry into their Twilight books and turn gay. (Or something like that).
More seriously, if you want a "good guy" you'll have to hang out in the right places. A singles bar is probably just going to find guys looking for a shag, potentially cheating on their wives. Where as a open mic nightclub, church (if that's your thing), supermarket, some sort of school (learn Italian class eg), and so on is where you'll find a good guy.
As a real simple rule. A good guy is a nerd (not always, but you get the idea). Flock to where nerds are and you'll find one.
Sorry to say that road rounds both ways honey, I was once a nice looking guy and women would flaunt all over. I then had a spinal injury in the millitary and was crippled, in those 2+ years I only had one girl notice me. I recently recovered and I'm back to before, such experience opens your eyes that society is all vanity based. Life is inherenlty a beatuy pageant I would say, the allure ofobeauty then drives sex from a psychological aspect. And I would agree with the best anaswer as someone whoes lived both sides and is also educated in psych. Women are just as shalloow as men, ans like best asnwer said women look for men in the wrong enviromnemts and there attracted to the wrong facets of interaction dynamics. So I would ask are there any good people out there?
Yes they're out there... Here's one right here! ;)
The thing is, we end up walking right under your nose, and girls just pass us by. We're like invisible to girls. Shame because I have a lot to give... You need to open up your eyes to different guys. Guys that maybe aren't as sexually appealing at "first sight". Get to know a good, shy, down-to-earth guy and give him a chance to open up and be himself.
We only see what we are looking for. The more convinced we are that there are only guys out there cheating and looking for sex, that is what we will see. Change your mindset and you will start seeing the good guys that have been right under your nose the whole time.
There are good guys, bad guys, good guys who are now bad guys, bad guys who became good, guys who are in between depending on the colour scheme, guys who are broken, guys who are strong, guys who are a subtle combination of a complicated thinking, guys who cry, guys who cook, guys who like video games at 50, guys who paint, there are all kinds of guys and they are all different and they all have things in common in varying degrees.
There's just one kind of guy that don't exist: a perfect one.
Guys change, girls change and people change all the time as well. You have a great big open heart and he will find you.
Cheating is awful, hurtful etc...but its always going to be possible and I think that it shouldn't ever become a fear. Because when that factor is taken out of the equation you can have a more trusting and quality relationship with someone.
the key is friendly, and that seems to be your problem. if you're friendly all the time, then you're just looking for men who will take advantage of you. honesty is the key. if you could read their minds and move past the "easy target" then having a challenge could get you a great guy at bay.
eg. say that there a hot guy who's interested. and you've got him all attracted and stuff and he's got all the signs of sex, sex, sex... at that time, try:
"I can't be with you, you're not what I'm looking for. (walks away)"
he asks, "why?"
you answer, "you not looking for a girlfriend. you're looking for a piece of ass and frankly, I have better things to do (list your activities here), than to waste my time on sex."
by then, you're gonna find out if this guy wants sex or if he's a good guy. but given that he's gonna try to impress you (signs of potential good guy), make him work for it to get you. try negotiation.
by now, using the good of your judgement, you can decide if you wanna stay with this guy or not.
There are a lot of good guys out there. You might be chosing the wrong guy friends, in terms of examples of a typical guy. You are definitely choosing the wrong guys. They will give you signs early on that they are cheaters/untrustworthy.You are missing or overlooking the clues. Keep your eyes open and have a trusted friend help you assess guys you start dating. You might find the good ones boring because they are consistent. You don't have to chase them. They are less charming and more down to earth. Some girls find those qualities boring.
well trust me there's good guys out there you're just picking the dumb
ones. some guys cheat but look deeper and you will find that guy that you want that don't want just sex and who will treat you with respect and who wouldn't cheat on you you are pretty you shouldnt have to look let the boys come to you and just be careful
Hm,say I have been knowing heaps of guys and I am losing faith in them.
Guys always attract to girls but some or most of them are interested in sex and a dude I knew was about to get married right and he cheated on her but she didn't know and his guys covered for him for 5-6 years.
I was told I hooked up with one of the guy in the group but I didn't but well, the dude didn't trust me but his guys. Guys have the things for their mates and it is hard to digest and if we say sh7t about their friends, they get angry but if they tell us how bad their friends are, that's OK.
I got sh7t for what I didn't do and I was told to be deluded and guys even let a cheater to tell him I was a liar!
You should keep going out and making friends but before you try to talk to anyone, make sure their friends aare good. Nice people might end up being in a retarded groups of gangster wanna be or dikhead or cheaters and if these people see some potential in you, changing their mate or watever risk, they will get bk on you the sh7ttest way. No offense to any nice guys here but I have seen enough guys to groups cheating is a fab for guys and guy like my best friend is somehow taken or dead !
I have to say that many guys are searching for something to make then feel fullfilled and I have learned many times never ever put all your eggs into one basket. Maybe one of the reasons guys go to you is because they think you may be easy.. The harder you are to get the more interested guys get. Most guys like the hard one cas its a challenge and that's not all guys but good luck finding one that isn't this way.
My case is quite the opposite I had the guy who doted with anything with boobs and legs ha ha or rather I should say have. I hink that if you put up a front of being too open some Guys will want to take advantage of your over friendliness. Sometimes being picky and saying what you want up front won't decieve a guy into thinking you're someone who'll just give it up with no regrets or hesitation
most guys are assholes! people can give all the politically correct answers they want but its not reality. you might have a few good guys that are few and far between but the vast majority of guys under 25-30 ain't about sh*t. girls are taught and conditioned to find a guy and fall in love...that is not what most guys are taught and conditioned to do. young guys are mainly sowing their wild oats and having fun. so basically they don't really give a f*** about girls all they are about is having sex with as many girls as possible. if you get hurt oh well, that's not their problem. so basically what you should do is put a wall up, trust very little and be super observant. don't give your heart or trust easily. make him work for it and prove he's not like all the other guys. don't have sex early on...guys who are looking for sex will run the other way and guys who just wanna f*** will leave you alone when they see that ur serious and not easily convinced. don't believe every little thing they say, 90% of the time its a lie to get what they want. be friendly but cautious and don't trust easily.
A lot of guys here responded saying they're nice, nerdy, respectful and all. I've fallen for them, but they leave me and then go for the ugly slut. So in a sense, while girls go for the jerk, nice guys go for the bitch. Nobody wins. Lol