Is there any good guys out there?

i know that question seems a little extreme but honestly I'm losing faith in the male gender, I need someone to convince me that not all guys are cheaters or just looking for sex. all the guys I seem to find that all they are about...even my best guy friends all they do is find girls to have sleep with, even the ones with girlfriends. I have had countless boyfriends cheat on me and I have had countless guys with girlfriends hit on me...even my best girlfriends boyfriends have tried sweet talking me...all this has lead me to have a lot of trust issues with guys...sorry guys if this is offensive, but try to change that opinion and give me some input as to why guys ask like this.

Updates:
*why guys act like this?
oh I have the biggest open heart btw...I'm friendly to every guy because I've been trying to find that good one.
u guys are making a lot of wrong judgments and assumptions about me.
i must say I do like the discussion we are getting into...a lot of good things being said. thank you all.
"Try hitting on a attractive shy guy and see what happens. He'll get excited/scared at first. However when he warms up to you may be VERY surprised."---so that worked and I finally found a guy and I couldn't be happier in my relationship.
wow I can't believe this post is still active. anyway things with the guy are still going great,he is the sweetest most caring guy and I'm very lucky to have found him. thank you all who responded. I now believe there are good guys out there.
 

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What Girls Said 19

What Guys Said 98

  • Hi there,

    Hm,say I have been knowing heaps of guys and I am losing faith in them.


    Guys always attract to girls but some or most of them are interested in sex and a dude I knew was about to get married right and he cheated on her but she didn't know and his guys covered for him for 5-6 years.


    I was told I hooked up with one of the guy in the group but I didn't but well, the dude didn't trust me but his guys. Guys have the things for their mates and it is hard to digest and if we say sh7t about their friends, they get angry but if they tell us how bad their friends are, that's OK.


    I got sh7t for what I didn't do and I was told to be deluded and guys even let a cheater to tell him I was a liar!


    You should keep going out and making friends but before you try to talk to anyone, make sure their friends aare good. Nice people might end up being in a retarded groups of gangster wanna be or dikhead or cheaters and if these people see some potential in you, changing their mate or watever risk, they will get bk on you the sh7ttest way. No offense to any nice guys here but I have seen enough guys to groups cheating is a fab for guys and guy like my best friend is somehow taken or dead !


  • My case is quite the opposite I had the guy who doted with anything with boobs and legs ha ha or rather I should say have. I hink that if you put up a front of being too open some Guys will want to take advantage of your over friendliness. Sometimes being picky and saying what you want up front won't decieve a guy into thinking you're someone who'll just give it up with no regrets or hesitation

  • i agree with what you say what guys out there are like in the fairy tales?

  • the key is friendly, and that seems to be your problem. if you're friendly all the time, then you're just looking for men who will take advantage of you. honesty is the key. if you could read their minds and move past the "easy target" then having a challenge could get you a great guy at bay.


    eg. say that there a hot guy who's interested. and you've got him all attracted and stuff and he's got all the signs of sex, sex, sex... at that time, try:


    "I can't be with you, you're not what I'm looking for. (walks away)"


    he asks, "why?"


    you answer, "you not looking for a girlfriend. you're looking for a piece of ass and frankly, I have better things to do (list your activities here), than to waste my time on sex."


    by then, you're gonna find out if this guy wants sex or if he's a good guy. but given that he's gonna try to impress you (signs of potential good guy), make him work for it to get you. try negotiation.


    by now, using the good of your judgement, you can decide if you wanna stay with this guy or not.

  • I have had both a fake good guy, and an actual good guy. You know it when you meet him. it was just too bad his heart was still bruised.

  • I have to say that many guys are searching for something to make then feel fullfilled and I have learned many times never ever put all your eggs into one basket. Maybe one of the reasons guys go to you is because they think you may be easy.. The harder you are to get the more interested guys get. Most guys like the hard one cas its a challenge and that's not all guys but good luck finding one that isn't this way.

  • well trust me there's good guys out there you're just picking the dumb

    ones. some guys cheat but look deeper and you will find that guy that you want that don't want just sex and who will treat you with respect and who wouldn't cheat on you you are pretty you shouldnt have to look let the boys come to you and just be careful

  • There are a lot of good guys out there. You might be chosing the wrong guy friends, in terms of examples of a typical guy. You are definitely choosing the wrong guys. They will give you signs early on that they are cheaters/untrustworthy.You are missing or overlooking the clues. Keep your eyes open and have a trusted friend help you assess guys you start dating. You might find the good ones boring because they are consistent. You don't have to chase them. They are less charming and more down to earth. Some girls find those qualities boring.

  • Oh...I only read the title, and my answer is yes, but they're SUCH chickens!

    It's INCREDIBLE!


    But I guess you can't expect everything, so you get a bad guy, or you just never get the good one. It's sad really...



    [this is just my experience]

  • It took my 8 years to find a good guy, but I lost him... But there are good guy's out there. Not many, but there is. It just might take awhile to get him. But trust me they are out there.

  • well I think if you give life patince it will all come to you and maybe that guy will come even sooner than you expect... you just have to be pactint

  • HI,


    Well I'm going out with the perfect guy, He's sweet, kind, thoughful and loving, There is a perfect guy out there for you defenetly I've found mine so go find yours. :D


    BY L

  • a males brain is tunes to think about sex over feelings.., just like we are ment to do opposite..

    male and female.. are opposites.. you have to work ur way around that.

    ur obviously going in for the wrong approach.

    u can't change a man, ull only hurt ur self trying

    guys need a girl to sleep with..

    but if you show him that ur not that easy, and he keeps trying.. that's where you can catch him..

    the longer you keep it in ur pants and he sticks around the better.

    guys all think of sex first. give them something else to think about.

    show him ur great personality, ur fun and wild side and share his interests..

    show him uu have respect for yourself and he will respect you.

    there are good guys out there, and I know by experience how hard they are to find

    but you will find one eventually..

    think of the bad guys as expereince, you now know what NOT to look for!

  • There are good guys, bad guys, good guys who are now bad guys, bad guys who became good, guys who are in between depending on the colour scheme, guys who are broken, guys who are strong, guys who are a subtle combination of a complicated thinking, guys who cry, guys who cook, guys who like video games at 50, guys who paint, there are all kinds of guys and they are all different and they all have things in common in varying degrees.


    There's just one kind of guy that don't exist: a perfect one.


    Guys change, girls change and people change all the time as well. You have a great big open heart and he will find you.


    Cheating is awful, hurtful etc...but its always going to be possible and I think that it shouldn't ever become a fear. Because when that factor is taken out of the equation you can have a more trusting and quality relationship with someone.


    There are never gonna be any guarantees. Ever!

    • Don't expect perfection, only strive for it always...

  • yeah I have gotten into that phase as well where I doubt or find it rare to find a decent guy who has at least the basics- a good personality, a heart and some intelligence.

  • most guys are assholes! people can give all the politically correct answers they want but its not reality. you might have a few good guys that are few and far between but the vast majority of guys under 25-30 ain't about sh*t. girls are taught and conditioned to find a guy and fall in love...that is not what most guys are taught and conditioned to do. young guys are mainly sowing their wild oats and having fun. so basically they don't really give a f*** about girls all they are about is having sex with as many girls as possible. if you get hurt oh well, that's not their problem. so basically what you should do is put a wall up, trust very little and be super observant. don't give your heart or trust easily. make him work for it and prove he's not like all the other guys. don't have sex early on...guys who are looking for sex will run the other way and guys who just wanna f*** will leave you alone when they see that ur serious and not easily convinced. don't believe every little thing they say, 90% of the time its a lie to get what they want. be friendly but cautious and don't trust easily.

    • Then go be a lesbian. That's not true men fall in love all the time and sacrifice everything for a woman. And plenty are good hearted. And plenty of women will go out with a guy and "trade up" when someone they think is better comes along, and plenty of women like to play mind games with guys. I have seen girls in the high school/college years that manage to string a whole harem of guys along. Lots of women are experts at getting guys to spend money on them.

    • I don't even know why I got 3 Thumbs Down, the guys who answered this question and even guys who refuted my statements still ended up proving my point. oh btw, all the women I know who eventually got married and have SUCCESSFUL long term relationships all followed by this practice. and guess what even though they were cautious of guys that came into their life they still found one who wanted to commit to them for life! so yeah, I'm right

    • I'm not saying they can't love. I think most guys do end up falling in love...usually after they have broken a few hearts. most guys aren't looking for a loving relationship actively, if they are they are the minority of guys. when guys are YOUNG by large they want to have a good time with the girls they find hot. yes there are girls who do that too but even girls who aren't like that fall can get played by guys too. like I said most guys want sex so girls have to be cautious or they get hurt.

    • Show Older
  • A lot of guys here responded saying they're nice, nerdy, respectful and all. I've fallen for them, but they leave me and then go for the ugly slut. So in a sense, while girls go for the jerk, nice guys go for the bitch. Nobody wins. Lol

    • True...or the second they receive attention from "someone better" they leave

    • Couldnt have said it better myself...and sometimes once you date a "nerd" they get a huge ego or too much self confidence and leave you for another girl. =[

  • *are

    • Yess you are correct..."are there any good guys out there?" thank you. =]

  • We only see what we are looking for. The more convinced we are that there are only guys out there cheating and looking for sex, that is what we will see. Change your mindset and you will start seeing the good guys that have been right under your nose the whole time.

    • Very true. Girls do jump into "love" way too quickly. They are already imagining what you will be like as a boyfriend when they really have no way of knowing, it's just all in our imaginations.

    • This is one of the better answers. I think when girls meet a guy they find physically attractive and emotionally stimulating they just swoon and think he's the best guy ever. They get too enthusiastic too quickly and get caught up in the excitement of finding someone new. Then they are surprised when a guy they basically just have a fling with dumps them or cheats on them; when they never truly knew what the guy was like; realistically they usually never establish a real bond, just a fling.

    • Very good advice

    • Show Older
  • Selected as most helpful

    As a good guy I'll help you out with this one. 1. You have to know what type of guy you want. Once you know what you want then it makes things a little easier. 2. Every guy out there knows by now what every girl wants to hear, so they feed it to you and because the deceivers all say the right thing, you're unable to tell the difference between the good and the bad. For once, listen to what a man says and hold him accountable for it. Don't go on chanting you found the one when you haven't even given him a chance to prove himself yet. Many women indulge in sex too soon and find themselves played. Allow a man to prove his words true only through action and NOTHING else or else you lose every time. 3. USE YOUR HEAD! Stop allowing your heart to lead you until the coast is clear. "Look both ways before crossing the street," they say, because you just might get hit. The heart is deceiving and is controlled by emotion and trust me, any act of emotion isn't logical nor ethical. Learn to think with your head. It's almost like solving a math problem. 4. Project yourself as good you will find good, but you project as bad...you get my point. In order to get respect from any man, you must first respect yourself. I see too many women out there disrespecting themselves and demanding respect. Doesn't work that way. Too many women sleep with men they barely know and wonder why he doesn't come around anymore. I can go on and on but I'll let you digest this first. Hope I was able to help you. Good luck!

    • I love this answer. You are so right about needing to respect yourself. Unfortunately there is such a culture now that glorifies women's sexuality in a way that makes casual sex look "cool" and treats FWB and hookups as something that women in the know should do. Never base life decisions on what TV and film makers are making money off of. Base it on good old-fashioned values and common sense. Respect yourself if you want a respectable guy.

    • Its hard to follow these steps but I'll try

    • Aww, it's so cute when a cute guy gets all nervous and scared. It makes me want to hug him and comfort him. haha

    • Show Older
  • I'm a good guy...



    LMAO... uh, you gotta admit that was my funniest jest yet. Uuuhhh, I kill me... LOL

  • You must be beautyful. cause that's why they want to be with you.

    Well, a lot of males think that females want to be with them because of the money or fame.

    On the other hand, a lot of females think that males want to be with them because of sex or something else.

  • wow, last update was great :O

  • here's a good guy!

  • yea there is. I am. Maybe you are attracting the wrong kind of guy around you. Be more friends with a guy not a girl. your always going to get a few guys that are not what you want. Don't let a guy jerk you around. you deserve a good guy. make him earn it as well as reward when he does. Maybe it is the reason we are called Dogs! lol

  • It looks like there are a lot of comments already so I will answer your question. briefly. Yes, but they are hard to find. Try shy guys, seriously. I actually consider myself one, and almost all of my friends are the immature guys who constantly womanize and try to 'get laid'. But, good guys are definitely out there. Good luck!

  • Awesome! I hope the new guy continues to sustain your faith in guys.

  • congrats! I'm happy for you =)

  • I'd like to say I'm a "good guy" but I cheated... sort of. (It's a long story and it didn't happen like your typical movie).


    But moving on.


    There are "good guys" the problem is, when guys are about 16-20 they learn, really fast, that girls don't like good guys. Sure, they'll like them as a friend, but they tend to go after 'bad guys'. The good guys go home cry into their Twilight books and turn gay. (Or something like that).


    More seriously, if you want a "good guy" you'll have to hang out in the right places. A singles bar is probably just going to find guys looking for a shag, potentially cheating on their wives. Where as a open mic nightclub, church (if that's your thing), supermarket, some sort of school (learn Italian class eg), and so on is where you'll find a good guy.


    As a real simple rule. A good guy is a nerd (not always, but you get the idea). Flock to where nerds are and you'll find one.

  • Men are corrupt. But it's not their fault. It's been ingrained into them that the amount of beautiful girls that they've slept with has a direct correlation to their worth. Even though this is not so and many of them know it, social pressures and desire for acceptance get the better of them. It's really unfortunate that this is the experience you've had with men. Not all men are bad. Most of them are just conformists.

    -Austin

    Anchorage, AK

  • it happens to everyone... the only person who can help you besides God is Father Time (experience)

  • Yes. There are a few good guys left. Chivalry is not dead...merely gasping for breath. I'm 21 years old, still waiting for GF#1. There are guys like me who believe it is best to wait for the right girl...and not go breaking hearts and fouling up girls innocence until they find one they like. My advice for finding a guy who wants more than sex? Find one who hasn't had it yet.

  • I seem that no guy is the same some think with their d***s and some think with their heart

  • Best thing is get confidence. I hate to be in your face but its mainly your fault. your the one with the guy so do some more investigating.

  • simple


    your looking in all the wrong places


    or


    your method of presenting yourself give guys the impression that your nothing but a play thing if you get my meaning


    there are good guys and bad guys

    there are good girls and bad girls ;p


  • not all guys are like that because look at me, I'm here. I don't go out with every girl I see, mostly the ones that know me and I am friends with. I would never flirt while I have a girl friend and am abstinent. but you have your oppinion so be careful with who you sorround yourself with. that's my advice

  • Well, there's me, but I'm married

  • There ARE good guys out there... Trouble is, you girls just let us slip right under the radar, because we're not "fun", meaning: loud, obnoxious, arrogant, cocky, or cause a bunch of unnecessary drama...


    Us good guys, may be a little quieter, shyer, maybe sometimes a little awkward. But I'll tell you one thing we have that the cocky jerk doesn't have... A heart. It's us good guys that are in relationships for the right reasons, that let ourselves be vulnerable like anyone in love should. It's too bad that most girls are so used to being with "Mr. Tough Guy" (or some guy that can't even respect himself, let alone his girl) that they don't see the value in our shyness or awkwardness or us making ourselves vulnerable if we DO actually work up the courage to make a move on her...


    Instead, it's a lot of good guys getting labeled as creeps or "weird" because of our good nature and putting ourselves out there... Any REAL man will show his emotions, especially to the one he loves. It's not about being "Mr. Macho" or looking for someone to "fix" because they have a million issues. It's about finding someone that is ALREADY good enough for you and that you can be vulnerable around each other and trust each other and be emotional together. To me that would be the greatest relationship.


    The sad thing is, a lot of people don't know what it means to LOVE... all the world seems to know anymore is LUST. It's in our popular music, our entertainment... LUST is, sadly, glorified in our society and it has an effect on most. LOVE is something different.


    Do good guys exist? Most certainly... You just need to open your heart to new and different things/people/etc. It's a shame a lot of us good guys have to wait around a while for love, girls are most definitely missing out. But I guess there's a time and a place for everything.

  • it doesn't always have to do with the guys, look for different types of guys and also I'm with someone and we've never slept together and I don't go looking for sex and I'm happy with how things are. look for different guys than you've been looking into

  • 2 past girlfriends have cheated on me. not like all out f***ing around, but when they were drunk they would makeout with another guy or something. it doesn't matter what gender they are, it matters how much of a standup individual they are. A man (or woman) is only as good as their word, if they don't have that, they are good for nothing. I've never cheated, and never will.

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