Is there any good guys out there?

i know that question seems a little extreme but honestly I'm losing faith in the male gender, I need someone to convince me that not all guys are cheaters or just looking for sex. all the guys I seem to find that all they are about...even my best guy friends all they do is find girls to have sleep with, even the ones with girlfriends. I have had countless boyfriends cheat on me and I have had countless guys with girlfriends hit on me...even my best girlfriends boyfriends have tried sweet talking me...all this has lead me to have a lot of trust issues with guys...sorry guys if this is offensive, but try to change that opinion and give me some input as to why guys ask like this.

Updates:
*why guys act like this?
oh I have the biggest open heart btw...I'm friendly to every guy because I've been trying to find that good one.
u guys are making a lot of wrong judgments and assumptions about me.
i must say I do like the discussion we are getting into...a lot of good things being said. thank you all.
"Try hitting on a attractive shy guy and see what happens. He'll get excited/scared at first. However when he warms up to you may be VERY surprised."---so that worked and I finally found a guy and I couldn't be happier in my relationship.
wow I can't believe this post is still active. anyway things with the guy are still going great,he is the sweetest most caring guy and I'm very lucky to have found him. thank you all who responded. I now believe there are good guys out there.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • As a good guy I'll help you out with this one. 1. You have to know what type of guy you want. Once you know what you want then it makes things a little easier. 2. Every guy out there knows by now what every girl wants to hear, so they feed it to you and because the deceivers all say the right thing, you're unable to tell the difference between the good and the bad. For once, listen to what a man says and hold him accountable for it. Don't go on chanting you found the one when you haven't even given him a chance to prove himself yet. Many women indulge in sex too soon and find themselves played. Allow a man to prove his words true only through action and NOTHING else or else you lose every time. 3. USE YOUR HEAD! Stop allowing your heart to lead you until the coast is clear. "Look both ways before crossing the street," they say, because you just might get hit. The heart is deceiving and is controlled by emotion and trust me, any act of emotion isn't logical nor ethical. Learn to think with your head. It's almost like solving a math problem. 4. Project yourself as good you will find good, but you project as bad...you get my point. In order to get respect from any man, you must first respect yourself. I see too many women out there disrespecting themselves and demanding respect. Doesn't work that way. Too many women sleep with men they barely know and wonder why he doesn't come around anymore. I can go on and on but I'll let you digest this first. Hope I was able to help you. Good luck!

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    • Wow this is a great answer... thank you!

    • Show All
    • Its hard to follow these steps but I'll try

    • I love this answer. You are so right about needing to respect yourself. Unfortunately there is such a culture now that glorifies women's sexuality in a way that makes casual sex look "cool" and treats FWB and hookups as something that women in the know should do. Never base life decisions on what TV and film makers are making money off of. Base it on good old-fashioned values and common sense. Respect yourself if you want a respectable guy.

What Guys Said 98

  • Well, there's me, but I'm married

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  • The better question is why many girls are fooled so easily by not-so-nice guys?

    The old story of the Wolf in Sheep's Clothing has part of the answer. The truth is that most of the not-so-nice guys go out of their way to trick girls like you and your friends. Then when a good guy really does show up, you've become so cynical that you slam the door in his face because you assume that every sheep is really a wolf.

    How can you improve your sense of who is a wolf in disguise and who isn't? Well the first thing is to not just look at how the guy treats you, but what he's really like as a person. What is his internal moral code? Does he even have one? Unless he's a total sociopath, he's not going to wear the disguise 24/7.

    The problem is getting to know him well enough that you see when he takes off his disguise. Of course, there's probably a part of you that doesn't want to see the disguise. He says and does all the right things just for you, so you overlook all the signs that would reveal he's not the person he's claiming to be. This is common, so that's also why your friends happened to end up with guys like that. It's also common for guys to make the same mistake with girls.

    Part of the problem is that there really are a lot of crappy people (guys and girls), and we've grown up in a "me" generation where we're encouraged to be narcissistic and put ourselves before others. There are still guys who would refuse to cheat even when tempted, because they know it's wrong but you gotta find someone who has strong moral convictions. Someone who knows the meaning of the word "shame". Unfortunately, in today's society, people who have morals are often times portrayed as prudish or unsexy, so you have to overcome the cultural brainwashing.

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    • I dated a sociopath, and here's how I was fooled. Even if he slipped and said things like 'I don't care what you think, I'll do it anyway', made fun of me in front of our friends, and abandoned me when I needed him, I forgave him. Everyone messes up, right? And he was normally so nice! He was sweet, thoughtful, protective, got me flowers when I was sick, let me cry on him, pretended to open up to me, (He never told me his real problems or let me help) He used 'dating a nice girl from church' to boost his own standings. People like and trust me, so if I loved him, he had to be good, right? He became Youth Minister, got a promotion, got sober, and a house. Once he didn't need me, he dumped me. He became a different person, and I can't believe he is the same guy I dated! He admitted after he left he is a spath, and that I was replaceable with any woman to him. I'm shy, gullible, the perfect target. Not sure how to trust anyone again, after being so perfectly hoodwinked.

    • So sorry that happened to you!!!

      I do see what you're saying. It's hard to know if someone is just a normal imperfect human, or really messed up and pretending to be something they're not. Obviously, if he didn't want to open up to you, then that is a bit of a red flag... although it's hard to know if that is because he is lying to you, or because he himself has trust issues. Sometimes it's both.

      The one thing that's clear to me is that you can't really control the actions of others in this world. You can only control your own actions. I think it's okay to be slow to trust someone, even if it's someone you're dating. I know that's probably really hard, because it's hard for me too. When you have feelings for someone, you want to trust them. That makes everyone who isn't a sociopath vulnerable. But it's still important not to be too cynical, and treat others with kindness even if you don't know if they deserve it. You only have control over your own actions.

  • Uh Uh Uh.. Me! Me! Me! *jumps around*

    Just kidding.

    You see, there is no Mr. Perfect in this world.. as well as Mrs. Perfect.

    Each one has different faults.

    Now, I ask you a question..

    Which one do you prefer: Boys? or Men?

    Boys want short term relationship where they can fulfill their lust and desire FROM the girls.

    Men want long term relationship where they can provide love and protection FOR their women.

    Oh.. and men also like discussion too =)

    If your experiences are related to boys boys and boys, then don't assume men are also boys.

    Hope this helps.

    Cheers,

    FS

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  • I was just thinking the same thing, well not exactly the same thing, I haven't lost faith in the female gender, just in finding a good one. I hate to say it but most "good" are in a relationship.

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  • I'll raise my hand on this one.

    For guys the first thought that goes through our head is sex.

    However, not all guys dwell or make known those thoughts.

    Personally, I am a virgin, I have never cheated in any way, and my best friend (a girl) I have only let know about what I thought about her sexually a couple days ago and only because she asked.

    Not all guys are sex driven, keep searching.

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    • Okayy thank you for that input. one good guy...any others? lol

    • Lol...i would agree with this guy

    • Haha come to where I live...i think you would agree with me...man I need to go get out of here lol.

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What Girls Said 19

  • We only see what we are looking for. The more convinced we are that there are only guys out there cheating and looking for sex, that is what we will see. Change your mindset and you will start seeing the good guys that have been right under your nose the whole time.

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    • That is really good advice!

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    • This is one of the better answers. I think when girls meet a guy they find physically attractive and emotionally stimulating they just swoon and think he's the best guy ever. They get too enthusiastic too quickly and get caught up in the excitement of finding someone new. Then they are surprised when a guy they basically just have a fling with dumps them or cheats on them; when they never truly knew what the guy was like; realistically they usually never establish a real bond, just a fling.

    • Very true. Girls do jump into "love" way too quickly. They are already imagining what you will be like as a boyfriend when they really have no way of knowing, it's just all in our imaginations.

  • There are good guys, bad guys, good guys who are now bad guys, bad guys who became good, guys who are in between depending on the colour scheme, guys who are broken, guys who are strong, guys who are a subtle combination of a complicated thinking, guys who cry, guys who cook, guys who like video games at 50, guys who paint, there are all kinds of guys and they are all different and they all have things in common in varying degrees.

    There's just one kind of guy that don't exist: a perfect one.

    Guys change, girls change and people change all the time as well. You have a great big open heart and he will find you.

    Cheating is awful, hurtful etc...but its always going to be possible and I think that it shouldn't ever become a fear. Because when that factor is taken out of the equation you can have a more trusting and quality relationship with someone.

    There are never gonna be any guarantees. Ever!

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  • yeah I have gotten into that phase as well where I doubt or find it rare to find a decent guy who has at least the basics- a good personality, a heart and some intelligence.

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  • the key is friendly, and that seems to be your problem. if you're friendly all the time, then you're just looking for men who will take advantage of you. honesty is the key. if you could read their minds and move past the "easy target" then having a challenge could get you a great guy at bay.

    eg. say that there a hot guy who's interested. and you've got him all attracted and stuff and he's got all the signs of sex, sex, sex... at that time, try:

    "I can't be with you, you're not what I'm looking for. (walks away)"

    he asks, "why?"

    you answer, "you not looking for a girlfriend. you're looking for a piece of ass and frankly, I have better things to do (list your activities here), than to waste my time on sex."

    by then, you're gonna find out if this guy wants sex or if he's a good guy. but given that he's gonna try to impress you (signs of potential good guy), make him work for it to get you. try negotiation.

    by now, using the good of your judgement, you can decide if you wanna stay with this guy or not.

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  • It took my 8 years to find a good guy, but I lost him... But there are good guy's out there. Not many, but there is. It just might take awhile to get him. But trust me they are out there.

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