Why don't I like men who are good?

I am nice and I like female friends who are nice and kind. So why do I like mean men?

Updates:
Yeah I have daddy issues my dad always puts me down and compared me and makes me feel awful about myself and I am going to therapy but it's very hard my attraction to these men is so strong. I try hard to fight it but it's hard to control feelings.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Couple things. First, you're looking for approval and validation. When you meet a guy who doesn't give it to you, you strive to get it from him. Or, they're nice to you up front and give you the validation you seek, then take it away. That creates a vacuum and you try to get it back to fill the void.

    Second, you're not confident so you need someone to be in control. Controlling guys are often jerks.

    Third, you're an 18-24 year old girl. Most girls I've met between 18 and 24 (and I've worked in a lot of restaurants so I've met many of them) go for jerks. If you start to google "why do girls like," two of the top three suggestions will be "jerks" and "bad boys," and each will have dozens of results. So you're not alone.

    The reason for that is that 10,000 years ago, men who were controlling assholes were the leaders of their nomadic tribes. They were in charge, and the women saw them as having the best genes to pass on and most able to take care of and protect them and their offspring. Women look for those traits in men when they're in their early 20s (prime procreation age) because it's in their DNA. As long as you're working to get past it, you'll probably break the pattern by the time you're 28-30. Then you'll find a nice guy and marry him. He might not be that great looking though.

    Just going off what I've seen 400 times.

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    • The other thing is that you have low self esteem. It's easier for you to be treated like crap because you think you deserve it, and maybe also because you're afraid of going for a nice guy because you might actually be happy, which scares you because you're sure he'll leave you for someone "better."

    • Someone else posted this article below - it explains what I was trying to say about evolution and jerks and status/gene quality:

      www.forbes.com/.../

Most Helpful Girl

  • People seem to go for the "bad" type. Especially young people because it provides more "excitement".
    When you get older, mature, or if you're looks fade drastically in a few years, stability and commitment in a partner will be much more attractive.

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    • too bad men are not exactly willing to step in and pick up the pieces anymore.

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    • @goodwater101 hey, don't attack the messenger. It's just what I've observed in men and women.

      When they're young and really attractive, they're willing to get as many as they can. But once their looks fade, they're more willing to find something "real". It could be because they're more experienced and mature, or their looks have declined.
      I don't know.

    • I know, its the message that disturbs me.

What Guys Said 20

  • because you're a women

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  • Because sexually your a submissive and you like doms. Men that are overtly dominant with women tend to be as you put it not very nice in normal life. it's actually that simple

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  • It depends, men who are just nice, at the expense of themselves, probably need to work on asserting themselves more, and you are quite righteous in finding them undesirable in that regard.

    Or, it's the old cliche. Dad wasn't around much, or very nice, or his love was conditional on you being good. Thus, subconsciously, in order to heal and mend old relationship with daddy, you seek out similar figures, with similar characteristics, and try and get their acceptance through similar self defacing means. Until you realise it ain't helpful and healthful to yourself, that it was they at fault, and you learn that love, self respect and affirmation is something that can come from within.

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  • You've never truly had a father figure who anchored you down, so you tend to gravitate towards "badass" guys who will treat you like shit.

    If you had a better rlationship with your dad, you would tend to go for men who know how to treat people/women with respect.

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  • Guess you're attracted to douchebags. Some women have this problem and see good guys as boring? Hell I don't freaking no, I'm just blurting out random shit, you should no yourself more then I would!

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  • Nice and kind is boring! Whereas an unemployed alcoholic gives you a challenge to try and 'fix' him.

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  • Hard to say, as you haven't given us much info about you.

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    • All you need to know is her age range, and GaG does give us that.

    • @ImNotCreativeEither I don't think it's as simple as that. A person's age can tell you something about their behavior, but it's not written in stone.

    • It's not set in stone but it is dictated by biology. Everyone's different in their own way but to a point we are defined by our DNA. And girls in that age range are in procreation mode, hormonally speaking.

  • It can be either because you think low of your self and believe you do not deserve a good man or because you are looking for guys to fix.

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  • Daddy issues?

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  • Maybe you think they're more dominant and masculine.

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  • Well you'd love me then.

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  • becuz ur lame

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  • It seems to be a clear case of "Jerk-Douche Bag Fever"! The vast majority of younger women commonly suffer from it! When a man acts somewhat like a disrespectful, arrogant ass, many females are naturally compelled to find such conduct attractive! It seems to lessen as the women gain age and experience. The "Jerk-Douche Bag Fever" phemenon is examined briefly in the video below by Susan Walsh from the HookingUpSmart dotcom website. Good luck!

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ESYK8fCEHUQ

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  • Because society has made it a norm and programmed women to be attracted to men of negative qualities. As well as praise superficial aspects of relationships as well. This is why women like "bad boys" because you see it on every show, cartoon, movie, etc. So women that do not take time to think and learn who and what they truly like will simply date who their friends date. Then women will get older and complain about how many bad relationships they've had- how their so sick of men or at least bad ones. But women enable it and men become "bad" just to get a chance.

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  • ahhh... woman
    Someone here commented that you are "stupid" no I dont think so, you are just aware of the bitter truth and I see you are khm.. smart.. er but like many other women your feebleness makes you think so restricted. I don't know what to say. Dominance and rough doesn't always easily see on surface of a men.
    I think you would rather go for long term relationship with nicer guy

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  • cuz u got daddy issues.

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  • Don't worry, it's quite natural. You are just more honest than most women because you openly acknowledge it.

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  • Because it comes naturally to women.

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  • There is a deep seated instinct in humans to associate rudeness and other 'jerk' behaviors with status. Women loves them some status.

    www.forbes.com/.../

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  • daddy issues?

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What Girls Said 3

  • You must be a guy. But if your not its because u are insecure and driven by men that have fake confidence.

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  • Because you're dumb.

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  • Because they act more strong and masculine.

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