I'm 21. I've always been quiet, since I was little. In preschool I sat in the corner and watched others play, laugh at them, or just observe. I never wanted to join. I honestly enjoy being alone and being quiet. My mind is colorful and active though. My teachers have always singled me out as being older than ones around me, saying things like "what will we do with this kids?" questioning me as if I am separate than them if they are being disruptive and I'm not.
This has persisted throughout my life to now. And it's interfering with my relationships with others. Kind of. I have the right friends in my life who don't mind and get me. They say it's who I am and when I do speak its meaningful. Or I just don't make small talk but I'm an excellent listener. I've been told my presence is stronger than others just because they know how active my mind is, and how good of a listener I am. I've always been the "smart one." The one that's there for anyone.
But like, at work, the girls I work with make fun of my quietness. I hear all the time from others, "you're so quiet!" As if that will get me to start speaking?
And ugh, with guys it's another story. Since I'm really pretty they think I'm this exciting girly talkative person.. And I'm just not. Guys always comment on it. Like "what's wrong with her?" I had a boyfriend who was mean and selfish and he would actually get more angry when I would get quiet because he was angry. Other guys say all the time how they're trying to get to know me but they don't know me at all. "What are you about? Tell me about you!" & I do... But I stop at a certain part. I like being some sort of an enigma. & I just really value who I open up to, is that stupid? I'm surrounded by others in college who open up so easily and come off as so interesting and confident... And then there's me, reticent yet intimidating because I'm "pretty." I really don't know what else I have to offer. Nobody is patient enough with me and I just don't think I'll ever find anyone. I've gone on so many dates the past month and I just keep hitting the same end. They must think I'm such a bore. :( this one guy stopped talking to me randomly and now I feel like it's because of this.
This has persisted throughout my life to now. And it's interfering with my relationships with others. Kind of. I have the right friends in my life who don't mind and get me. They say it's who I am and when I do speak its meaningful. Or I just don't make small talk but I'm an excellent listener. I've been told my presence is stronger than others just because they know how active my mind is, and how good of a listener I am. I've always been the "smart one." The one that's there for anyone.
But like, at work, the girls I work with make fun of my quietness. I hear all the time from others, "you're so quiet!" As if that will get me to start speaking?
And ugh, with guys it's another story. Since I'm really pretty they think I'm this exciting girly talkative person.. And I'm just not. Guys always comment on it. Like "what's wrong with her?" I had a boyfriend who was mean and selfish and he would actually get more angry when I would get quiet because he was angry. Other guys say all the time how they're trying to get to know me but they don't know me at all. "What are you about? Tell me about you!" & I do... But I stop at a certain part. I like being some sort of an enigma. & I just really value who I open up to, is that stupid? I'm surrounded by others in college who open up so easily and come off as so interesting and confident... And then there's me, reticent yet intimidating because I'm "pretty." I really don't know what else I have to offer. Nobody is patient enough with me and I just don't think I'll ever find anyone. I've gone on so many dates the past month and I just keep hitting the same end. They must think I'm such a bore. :( this one guy stopped talking to me randomly and now I feel like it's because of this.
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