Why are guys either really rude to me, or really nice?

Not even kidding, it's like most of the guys I meet have a bi-polar disorder. One second they can be either really rude then nice, and vice versa. To clear things up a bit, I am by no means either a ''bitch'' nor a ''sweet pushover''. I am balancing between the two, a realist per say.
I get stared at, approached, messaged by guys on a regular basis - I would say I'm conventionally beautiful, so no negative physical factor here. The only weird thing I notice is they get really awkward when we're talking. Be it face to face talking or messaging.

One time they can be really sweet, doing things for me, being all gentleman-like... then turn really rude or passive-agressive one time they hear something they don't like (something small and trivial like a musician I like or a tv show)/I have an opinion they don't like. God forbid someone shatters their perfect picture of an object in form of a pretty girl.
Other example is my ex's brother (ex whom was my boyfriend at the time) who was INCREDIBLY rude to me from the start. Like downright saying some really hurtful things. Then when his girlfriend left the room, we were alone, he told me he thinks I was beautiful and intelligent, and that he would snatch me up in an instant if his brother didn't first. What the actual fuck?
You were calling me names 5 minutes ago!
Most of the time they're just rude to me from the start... it's really awkward and I don't want anything to do with it, but I can't avoid it.

It's like they forget Im a human being too. I have feelings too. Opinions as well. I want to figure out if there is something wrong with me, or the guys I run into. And what can I do to fix it. If this is confusing to you, dont sweat it, It's confusing to me too.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • I see two possibilities: one is that they're the sort of people who say harmful things in a joking way, not being aware that they hurt people. Some guys or girls lack that feeling of "I'm going too far".
    The other possibility is something you'll also experience on GAG. Some people are really nice and will avoid conflict. If we don't agree we'll nicely tell you, not shoot :D
    But some users cannot accept opinions that do not confirm theirs. They seem to be asking questions to open the gate for a fight about "who's right" :-(
    Welcome to GAG, enjoy :D

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    • PERFECT answer! I had the feeling it was something like that but couldn't put it into words!

    • You're most welcome... you seem to be a very realistic and down-to-earth person. I'm looking forward to some interesting discussions :D

What Guys Said 8

  • It's not you young Lady. So it's not you that needs the fixing. And as we all know you can't fix stupid... Here's a roll of duct tape to muffle their sounds...

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  • You are fine, just unlucky till now. All guys are not, well, that inconsistent. You will find someone compatible, trust me. The important thing is to leave the bad behind and keep looking. If you get frustrated and start believing that you won't get a good partner, then you won't! So, stay happy and keep looking. Good luck :)

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  • you could be intimidating and just dont know it. Guys tend to react to that differently. Some see it as a turn off, others a challenge. There's your bipolar spectrum

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  • Because most women will attempt to date men that are good looking but are very aggressive. Some men confuse this occurrence as some women wanting to date men who are more aggressive when in reality it is an attraction thing. Most women tend to be attracted to confidence more, which men translate to rudeness because being to nice comes across as fake.

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    • Yes, this clears some things up a bit! So would you think this is some case of immaturity then? It's mind boggling how would someone confuse confidence with lack of manners/respect..

    • @asker This is immaturity on the women's side because women will go for men that clearly act very aggressively, but since those men are good looking women won't care. This phenomenon is called the beauty bias and women reinforce this bias, which causes men to act aggressively. Men are still responsible for their own actions but manners are often perceived as lack of assertion. Just look at Donald Trump in America. People say he is an idiot but many people are still giving him attention and he has skyrocketed in the polls.

    • Huh? Never have I once anywhere in this question mentioned these men's looks. What are you on about?

  • Do you want them to just treat you in a neutral manner?

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    • Yes, I would like that for a start. Because for me, I'd rather start by being friends with someone first, then date them.

  • depends. i think if something happens continueally then we are to blame. maybe analyse what you do or how you say things.

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    • Oh, I respond, why wouldn't I? If someone is nice to me, I am even nicer to them. It's just strange that they seem to have these awkward mood swings so frequently. I notice it especially in a guy I've been talking to for some time.

  • because some guys are jerks and some aren't. stay away from the jerks.

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    • Will do! But sadly, the ''jerkness'' doesn't come up on the surface as soon as I'd like. There are plenty of ''nice'' guys being undercover jerks too..

    • yeah, i hear ya. but the moment the true jerk comes out, just leave. you don't have to stick around for that sht

    • Thank you, I will keep that in mind :)

  • Could be a case of you not responding to how they talk to you. The guys you don't respond to being rude then go for the completely nice route. The guys you don't respond to being nice then go for the completely rude route.

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    • Oh, I respond, why wouldn't I? If someone is nice to me, I am even nicer to them. It's just strange that they seem to have these awkward mood swings so frequently. I notice it especially in a guy I've been talking to for some time.

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